Dear Marcus... Written by prickettboy3 on Wednesday, 26th Sep 2012 08:31
Please help. It’s 4am and I’m lying in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering whether or not I should go. I’ve been having these feelings for a while now but recently they are more frequent and I find myself in this predicament nearly every week.
I’m 31 years old and I feel trapped. I’ve experienced heavy beatings in the past but recently they’ve become more regular and I’m finding them harder to deal with. Sometimes there are as many as three in one week. When they occur I have to hide myself away for a few days until I feel ready to face people. I’m asked a lot of questions and I mumble my replies and quickly walk away before I become embroiled in a conversation about how it happened.
It hasn’t always been like this. We met many years ago at a club in Aston, near Birmingham. To begin with everything was great and I’d look forward to our weekends together and any other time in the week I could organise around work. We didn’t live close by to one another so I would travel hundreds of miles for us to be together but the travelling was all part of the excitement.
Over the years we’ve tried to keep the love alive, taking trips to Europe and visiting wonderful cities such as Moscow and Milan, but the trips would never last long and as soon as we were back in the UK we’d settle quickly back in to our usual routine. An extension was built on our home to create the necessary space for more friends to come and visit, but as the atmosphere has become more hostile at home fewer people come and now it just feels empty.
I’ve tried confiding in friends and family but they have little sympathy. They tell me things like “you should have given it up years ago” and “I don’t know why you keep going back”. But I tell them they don’t understand and that it’s not the same for them as they’ve never had it as hard as we have it now. I tell them that if they could just see us on the good days they’d understand why I keep going back.
But sadly the good days are few and far between now. I tell myself each time I go back that it will be different and that things can’t get any worse. But somehow it does get worse and I get angry with myself for believing it was ever going to change. Why would it have done?
Perhaps it’s my fault really. Maybe I’m expecting too much. I’ll admit that I do complain a lot more now than I ever used to in the past and the smallest imperfections seem to agitate me further. If things don’t go how I’d hoped or if decisions are made that I don’t agree with then I sulk for days and moan to my friends about it. I’ve considered a trial separation but I doubt my absence would be noticed so I’d only be hurting myself further as I’d be left wondering what was going on while I’m not there.
It’s been suggested lately that we should introduce somebody new to try and liven things up, but we’ve done this in the past and it hasn’t worked so why would it now? I guess I have to accept that this is just how it might be from now on. I suppose it’s not all bad really. We don’t have money troubles like others have and we do have a nice home to call our own.
We’re going away again this weekend to a small town in Yorkshire. I will keep my head down and hope that we have a good time together. I’m not sure if I can handle another beating, I’m still healing from the last one.
Yours, Truly Blue.
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Best you stay away from the small town in yorkshire ,for as sure as eggs is eggs you we take another beating. Its a sad fact that when one side is on a low ebb ,pulling their fringe down over their eyes ,are edgey and twitcher, the other side full of swagger and in up beat confident mood will simply walk over the meak and the mild. Next year will see new relationships formed, with poorer scruffier friends, its then we will find happier times, for happy weekends are born out that near sexual high a win of a friend can bring.
Poor old you, I suggest two large Scotches before retiring or, be like me, and mentally base your dreams on past experiences and only dream about the big, big, wins! You are of course absolutely right, it used to be fun being a Town fan and now it is truly a nightmare. Well said and well written, but still, COYB
My responsible adult phoned Social Services and they sent round a nice man called Harry, but alas he couldn't find an answer or perhaps he felt it was too dangerous a situation to enter. We have become a 'hard to reach' family with many years of stagnation and worthlessness,apart from a couple of years or more ago now a man called Roy tried to help and we became a subject of national tv attention, things looked good but slowly the positivity ebbed away. I think now our only hope is to be targeted as one of the PM's 'troubled families', we may then get the love, attention and dedicated, passionate staff we so desperately yearn for once again!!!!!
Made me chuckle a lot! I agree with ITFCCOYB, though. Looks like we're all trapped inside this relationship for a while longer... If only we looked after the kids better and stopped giving them up for adoption, only for them to excel without us elsewhere!
Your heart wants what your heart wasnts ,true love will never die . Getting through the tough times only makes the good times that much better ,and they will return . Top blog keep the faith ,Up The Town
I feel your pain! I now have the problem of my narwich supporting neighbours offering me relationship counselling? I am staying strong and remembering the good times! Five nil! we beat the scum five nil! COYB
Thanks all for your comments, glad you all liked it. Perhaps if everybody emails it to ITFC or posts it to @Official_ITFC on Twitter then it will get passed on to Mr Evans. In the meantime, here's to 3 points on Saturday and a cheerful journey home. COYB.