There was a warm glow of satisfaction as I got on the Tube at Putney Bridge. I even managed to get a seat; the sound of the fans singing for Daryl Murphy drifted up from the street below.

As the train pulled out of the station I became aware of soft sobbing coming from the rather upmarket lady sat to my left. Her beau next to her had his arm around her offering some form of comfort. I was jolted from my reverie – there’s much more to life than football and clearly something awful had just happened; perhaps a sudden bereavement.

At the next stop she seemed to have pulled herself together as she began to speak quite softly but haltingly “I am so cold and so upset. Look at my hands” and at this she peeled off her swanky leather gloves “they are white with cold”. I looked and this was true; they were skeletal.

Her voice gained some volume “and I had to sit through that sh*t!”. Back to earth again with a bump I now assumed this was some over-emotional Fulham fan not someone dealing with the loss of a dear departed.

I even thought about saying they weren’t that bad and that I had seen many worse performances in all my years of watching football but I kept quiet as did the young man still gripping her shoulder tenderly. Perhaps this is how Fulham girls react to a loss. My thoughts turned to the trail of tears that any true football fan must walk.

At Earls Court they got up to leave and I felt sorry for this young lady until her young man’s jacket fell open to reveal an ITFC shirt. My mind raced. Had he thought this to be a Valentine’s treat for her only to find out she hated football?

As they left the train I should have called out to the unfortunate Town fan imploring him to walk away now from this harridan. Now I must urge members of this forum to try to seek out this unfortunate soul and give him some sound relationship advice! Perhaps Phil could even start a poll.

kozmik added 18:44 - Feb 16 50 Shades of Sh*t?
0

Ipswichlove added 21:50 - Feb 16 Great day👏
0

PutneyBlue added 16:33 - Feb 19 Thanks Tractorbob, you made me laugh loud and long. As a Putney dweller, being able to walk to the match and watch a great performance was a real treat, but one I'm hoping we can't do next year as we'll be a division above.
0

UpmarketSkeletalHand added 08:38 - Sep 19 Dear Tractorbob, I came across your Valentine Blog and I think you may be talking about me and my boyfriend. The situation on the tube is described quite accurately but the descriptions of the people involved are a bit misleading... I am from Bensham (Gateshead, Tyne & Wear) not Fulham, I went to the same school as Paul Gascoigne and I have a Geordie accent so to be called "Upmarket" is a first. My luxurious leather gloves are from Marks and Spencer RRP £15, hardly Chanel but I'm pleased they look the part. My "Young beau" is 46 years old with a bald patch and a beer belly but I guess every blogger is entitled to a bit of poetic licence. I was exhausted on Valentines day having travelled a gruelling 14 hours the previous day from Dubai. Most women receive a box of chocolates or flowers for Valentines day but my present was a ticket to the "Ipswich Vs Fulham" match, I support neither team and the idea of standing in the cold for 90 minutes didn't really appeal. May I suggest that instead of offering my "Young Beau" relationship advice a list of Valentines presents guaranteed to score off the pitch would be more appropriate. Furthermore, with regards to calling me a harridan (dictionary definition: a strict, bossy, or belligerent old woman), this is what I would expect from an eavesdropping misogynist ignoramus but if I ever have the misfortune of sitting next to you on the tube again I will squeeze my skeletal hands around your neck and tell you where you can stick Phil's poll. PS Don't give up the day job but you could try writing for Mills and Boon.

0

Blogs 295 bloggers