Written by SE1blue on Monday, 29th Apr 2019 20:55
Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today
On Sunday, our 17-year marriage to the Championship will come to a bitter end with us probably having one last error-strewn, fumble against an equally unsatisfied Leeds – a team who find it harder to reach a climax than a porn star employed on Grateful Grannies XXX.
Now, like the punch-drunk singleton thrown out of the back door for one embarrassing public display too many, we find ourselves scratching our heads on the unfamiliar League One Street; full of regret and wondering where it all really went wrong.
In 2002, the early days of Championship matrimony bode well. We regularly Bent teams this way and that way for a full 90 minutes of sweaty and satiating football.
You only had to look at the faces of those who had been on the receiving end of one of our many masterful strokes into the back of their net, to know they had been served the Royle with cheese. It was sexy football on long, sultry nights, when the cries of ‘Ole!’ could be heard far beyond the floodlit four posters of Portman Road.
For two years we put the familiar faces of second-tier football to the sword. Who can forget the joy of six against Leicester City, Burnley and Crewe? Or high-fiving your mate as you doubled-up on Watford for Christmas in 2002? Town were regularly on top and there was nothing boring about it.
But just when it seemed we would hear the cry of “Premiership!’ once more, we suffered two unfortunate semis and got Hammered.
It wasn’t long after our kick in the cockneys, that conjugal cracks started to appear in the Championship matrimony. Royle was let go in the hope of us finding our Magic again.
Then we got too Keane, before a lacklustre move for the crown Jewells was found out to be nuts.
MM was never quite the mmm! we desired. And as for an afternoon with Hurst, well, it just hurt!
In a similar way to Tammy Wynette spelling out d-i-v-o-r-c-e to protect her care-free son from the harsh realities of his parents separating, we now drop down a league, clapping and cheering our way with an equivalent lack of knowledge of what is to come.
But 17 years of blood, sweat and finally tears has not worn well on Ipswich Town. We are now short of confidence, backbone and not that easy on the eye.
Finding pleasure and happiness in League One is going to take a lot of hard work and learning to respect opponents we once considered as being easy.
We can’t just swipe left on an evening in Rochdale and swipe right for a weekend in Blackpool. Every week we will need to be fully committed to ending this new relationship positively and promptly.
I won't be complaining if our stay in League One is ended prematurely...
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