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Thursday joke thread... 10:16 - Oct 19 with 4017 viewshoppy

Son: Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?
Dad: Because your mum loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
Son: Thanks dad,
Dad: No problem Alan

Poll: Which of jakeyboy26's polls do you rate the best?
Blog: Graphical Blog: I Feel the Need...

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Thursday joke thread... on 13:13 - Oct 19 with 1309 viewsJ2BLUE

Thursday joke thread... on 11:37 - Oct 19 by hoppy

Always, when it comes to the participants.
It was more to do with J2 giving my OP both an up and a down... wasn't sure which was accurate.


Which OP?

Poll: Season Tickets 2017/18 Poll

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Thursday joke thread... on 13:29 - Oct 19 with 1293 viewsITFC1983

Thursday joke thread... on 10:30 - Oct 19 by hoppy

Should I downvote you as well as upvote you? Not sure what the protocol is here...


I have just done the same on this one, as I am clearly some kind of fat fingered buffoon!

Poll: £16m Mario Balotelli or £11m Ross McCormack or £FREE* David McGoldrick

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Thursday joke thread... on 13:32 - Oct 19 with 1286 viewsITFC1983

Thursday joke thread... on 13:13 - Oct 19 by J2BLUE

Which OP?


It wasn't you J2 it was me, Hoppy has clearly had a busy morning on the sauce...


Poll: £16m Mario Balotelli or £11m Ross McCormack or £FREE* David McGoldrick

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Thursday joke thread... on 14:09 - Oct 19 with 1242 viewsBluebell

My husband and I are having a competition to see who can steal the most dog related stuff from our local pet shop.

I’ve just taken the lead!
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Thursday joke thread... on 14:21 - Oct 19 with 1229 viewsjimsymBLUE

Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well.
Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.

I bought 6 litres of Tipp-Ex the other day. Big mistake.

I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster.
If anything it's made it more sluggish.

Poll: Who is the better contributor to this site?

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Thursday joke thread... on 14:27 - Oct 19 with 1214 viewsPinewoodblue

Wouldn't work as well in any other county.

http://www.vhpweekenders.co.uk/darts-weekend.html

Any decent darts plays fancy going and wearing a Town shirt?

Poll: Mick McCartney or Alex Neil who gets the sack first?

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Thursday joke thread... on 14:37 - Oct 19 with 1194 viewshoppy

Thursday joke thread... on 13:32 - Oct 19 by ITFC1983

It wasn't you J2 it was me, Hoppy has clearly had a busy morning on the sauce...



Ah yes, i do apologise J2, I didn’t want you to think I thought of you as a fat fingered freak, when it was itfc1983 all along...

Poll: Which of jakeyboy26's polls do you rate the best?
Blog: Graphical Blog: I Feel the Need...

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Thursday joke thread... on 15:07 - Oct 19 with 1154 viewsstickymockwell

Doctor: Have you have been getting enough exercise?
Me: Does sex count as exercise?
Doctor: Yes
Me: No

Give him a ball and a yard of grass
Poll: My neighbour has bought my son a yellow and green sponge football that he loves.

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Thursday joke thread... on 15:26 - Oct 19 with 1133 viewsbluewein

A man is washing a car with his son.

The son asks "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

Poll: Will Rich ever shut up?

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Thursday joke thread... on 17:24 - Oct 19 with 1065 viewscaught-in-limbo

Thursday joke thread... on 11:35 - Oct 19 by Archer4721

I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate 'I'm stuck on one, trapped on a desert island... eight letters starting with M
He said 'marooned'
I said 'what?'
He said 'it's marooned.'
I said 'Thanks. I'll have a pint with a whisky chaser!'


That is now my new favourite joke, just pipping my favourite for the last 5 years:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No! You're a poo!

Exposing the real Fake News http://static.prisonplanet.com/p/images/february2014/white_paper.pdf
Poll: Arsenal v Spurs - who would you prefer to win today?

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Thursday joke thread... on 17:35 - Oct 19 with 1053 viewsFurrow

Thursday joke thread... on 15:26 - Oct 19 by bluewein

A man is washing a car with his son.

The son asks "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"


Nodges trophy room
https://www.dropbox.com/s/qx13i30bqb2lkvg/cobwebs.jpg?dl=0
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Thursday joke thread... on 17:39 - Oct 19 with 1043 viewsBluebell

My husband purchased a deodorant stick today.

The instructions said "remove cap & push up bottom"

He can hardly walk but when he farts the room smells lovely.
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Thursday joke thread... on 17:47 - Oct 19 with 1034 viewsNewcyBlue

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

" Gurgle, gurgle, cough spew"
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Thursday joke thread... on 20:22 - Oct 19 with 951 viewscressi

Thursday joke thread... on 17:47 - Oct 19 by NewcyBlue

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

" Gurgle, gurgle, cough spew"


Q what do you call a fat chick with a yeast infection ?

A A whopper with cheese.
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Thursday joke thread... on 20:44 - Oct 19 with 922 viewsstickymockwell

Wife texts husband at work on a cold winters morning:
"Windows frozen."

Husband texts back:
"Pour some lukewarm water over it"

Wife texts back:
"Computer completely fuc**d now."

Give him a ball and a yard of grass
Poll: My neighbour has bought my son a yellow and green sponge football that he loves.

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Thursday joke thread... on 23:11 - Oct 19 with 836 viewshoppy

Thursday joke thread... on 17:39 - Oct 19 by Bluebell

My husband purchased a deodorant stick today.

The instructions said "remove cap & push up bottom"

He can hardly walk but when he farts the room smells lovely.


Bit like when I went to get some deodorant...

“Roll on ball type?”

“No, just for under my arms please.”

Poll: Which of jakeyboy26's polls do you rate the best?
Blog: Graphical Blog: I Feel the Need...

1
Thursday joke thread... on 00:02 - Oct 20 with 801 viewsSwansea_Blue

Thursday joke thread... on 11:58 - Oct 19 by Axeldalai_lama

I've never quite realised the sheer and absolute patheticness of that picture before.
I always just see the "participants" bit and have a good old chuckle. This is the first time I've taken a good look at the rest.
3rd in the top flight once, an "honour"?
Winning the second tier, haha!
Winning the THIRD tier twice, hahahaha!
Being in a play off final(and losing), so coming in the top 6 of the second tier, an honour!
PARTICIPATING in europe once.
FA cup winners, oh no sorry.... finalists, oh, hang on, never. SEMI finalists 3 times!!!!
Here we go, there pride and joy and could actually be considered an honour with a tiny h, league cup winners twice, once against rochdale. Massively well done.
I assume they then go on to say they reached the league cup semi, or maybe quarter finals a couple of times too.
Absolutely hilarious stuff.


Tbf, the lower league wins are valid. The rest is hilarious though, agreed.

Poll: Who's got the best behind?

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Thursday joke thread... on 07:06 - Oct 20 with 750 viewsCrawfordsboot

Thursday joke thread... on 13:11 - Oct 19 by BrixtonBlue

To be fair, it sounds like she's a looker.


Cornier,cornier and cornier
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Thursday joke thread... on 07:54 - Oct 20 with 730 viewsDefault_User

Old couple getting are getting ready for bed when the woman jumps out the bathroom in her robe, rips it off and shouts ‘super pussy’.

The old bloke says I’ll have the soup.

I love to shag cups.
Poll: Who is the best young TWTD poster?

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Thursday joke thread... on 08:14 - Oct 20 with 715 viewsBluebell

Thursday joke thread... on 23:11 - Oct 19 by hoppy

Bit like when I went to get some deodorant...

“Roll on ball type?”

“No, just for under my arms please.”


Which has reminded me of this one.................



"Mum! I'm going out!"

You're not leaving this house until you change that miniskirt!!

"Why?"

Because I can see your balls, Richard.
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Thursday joke thread... on 08:23 - Oct 20 with 701 viewsJohnhoz

I refer you to a quote from the late, great Christopher Hitchens:

"The four most overrated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics." – the New Yorker, 2006

I reckon we should sack the manager every time we lose a game
Poll: Right now, why do you go to games

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Thursday joke thread... on 08:45 - Oct 20 with 681 viewsWeWereZombies

Thursday joke thread... on 08:23 - Oct 20 by Johnhoz

I refer you to a quote from the late, great Christopher Hitchens:

"The four most overrated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics." – the New Yorker, 2006



Poll: If no second election before the start of the season should Jezza replace Mick?

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Thursday joke thread... on 08:55 - Oct 20 with 660 viewsLesta_Tractor

Thursday joke thread... on 00:02 - Oct 20 by Swansea_Blue

Tbf, the lower league wins are valid. The rest is hilarious though, agreed.


I'd like to see our honours list including participation but can't be bothered to work it out!

1:28:39, 38:46
Poll: What is more important to you?

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Thursday joke thread... on 19:18 - Oct 20 with 566 viewshoppy

Thursday joke thread... on 08:55 - Oct 20 by Lesta_Tractor

I'd like to see our honours list including participation but can't be bothered to work it out!


I'm sure someone must've done that somewhere, sometime.

Poll: Which of jakeyboy26's polls do you rate the best?
Blog: Graphical Blog: I Feel the Need...

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Thursday joke thread... on 19:49 - Oct 20 with 538 viewsAxeldalai_lama

Thursday joke thread... on 19:18 - Oct 20 by hoppy

I'm sure someone must've done that somewhere, sometime.


A quick wikipedia:
Division 3 champions twice(not been in it since 1957)! (same as them)
Division 2 champions 3 times (same as them)
Division1 champions once, third or above 5 more times. (at least 6 times better than them, plus we won it)
FA cup winners once, semi final twice.( Same, except oh yeah we won it and they've never even made the final)
Uefa cup winners once, PARTICIPANTS 11 (ELEVEN) times, QF twice too.(speaks for itself!)
Charity shield runners up twice(couldn't find it on theirs, oh yeah, never even been near it.)
Playoff winners once(their "honour" was making the final once!)
League cup, semi finalist 3 times.(This obviously makes them a better club, they beat Rochdale once)
FA youth cup 3 times(them 2)
Texaco cup once(apparantly they were runners up once, can't think to who?!!)
[Post edited 20 Oct 19:58]
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