| The Warky Report: The Close Season (h & a) 12:33 - May 27 with 1056 views | Warkystache |
"Bleedin' typical' said Tel, more peeved than angry. We were stood at his counter at 6.45am reading something he'd had posted through the shop door after he closed the previous night. It was a letter someone had composed on a PC, incompetently and poorly spelled, but legible. It said that the local council were planning to build five new homes on a scrap of land a few hundred yards down the road. The land, long neglected, looked like it was being used to grow triffids. I pitied the contractors who would be required to clear it. Tackling some of the brambles would surely need more protection than a pair of sturdy gloves, and I had visions of labourers emerging back into the sunlight, looking like Pinhead from Hellraiser.
The letter asked for local businesses and residents to attend a support meeting to oppose the plans. Terry was vehemently with them, despite the fairly obvious plusses to the development that I slipped in, namely a) it would make use of land he'd previously criticised the council for allowing to 'festa, innit? Could be rats jus' waitin' ter come in 'ere an' nosh mah stock in there' and b) it may mean more customers. Folk living near a shop tended to use it, especially if it sold essentials like milk and bread, and The Sun, I winked at him. "Piss off" he said.
But it was clear he'd thought on this, and by the end of the week, he'd decided not to attend the meeting. For one thing, the development was far enough away from his shop not to inconvenience his deliveries or trade, for another he was selling up anyway, eventually. This was reasoned at the bar of our local, in between thoughtful sips of draught Bud Light, his new favourite lager. "Ah still like San Miggle though' he admitted, but our pub has stopped serving this temporarily while it tries Strongbow Fruits or something. "Bleedin' snakebite rubbish for girls" was Tel's opinion.
Since my last post following the Boro game, a few things happened. Mrs Tel was diagnosed with cysts in her womb which necessitated a hysterectomy, which she's due in to have In June. The relief that it wasn't anything more serious meant Terry and I went down the pub quite a lot in the following week. I've also had a week in Amsterdam with friends, visiting old haunts and enjoying new ones. My ex-wife has stayed for a few days before I took her to Stansted to go to Rome for a break. I've been working, and working.
Tel's been lax with his trading hours, mainly because he's now got no cover, as Mrs Tel isn't allowed to do heavy lifting in case it exacerbates her pain. He's normally reliable at weekends and mornings but has been known to shut at 12pm rather than his usual 5pm, and has had a couple of days when he's not been open at all. The money from the proceeds of his father-in-law's house sale is safely in a deposit account gathering decent interest. They realised a savings plan which matured and which has given them a decent nest egg on top of the sale. So he's rich enough. This has meant his interest in the shop has dwindled, to the point where he admits he's just using it for pin money until it's sold.
His former staff member Paula, meanwhile, is now deputy manager of Morrisons, and is apparently learning to drive. Tel saw her last week, having a lesson. He cheerfully admitted to tailgating her while she was practising; guffawing like Goofy as he recounted the look of blank horror in her rear view mirror as he drove closer, tooting her. He's made up for it by taking her out for lunch since. "We 'ad a meal in 'ere" he told me when we were in the pub. "It was alright, two for a tenner". He didn't say what they'd had, but I noticed scampi'n'chips, meat pie'n'chips and chickn'chips (sic) were prominent on the laminated menu.
The recent change in weather has led to a sartorial change; Tel treated himself to a set of slim Ben Sherman checked shirts and three pairs of tailored M+S navy shorts, which he wears in the shop in anything other than rainy weather. He complains he's putting on weight as the shorts were 36 waist rather than his normal 34. But he needs a belt with them so it can't be too big a gain. He's still skinny, milk-white knees and tanned arms.
Mrs Tel won't be able to travel for 2 months after the op, so they've decided to postpone the Spain move until next year, as they both want to spend one last Xmas in England. This means Tel is on the hunt for another temporary helper in the shop, as the plan is to keep it operational until early 2019. By chance, he's had a lucky break. One of Paula's friends, Mickey (actually Michelle but this is working-class North Essex) has resigned from her job in Clacton where she worked for one of the supermarkets, as she couldn't work every weekend. She's come with a recommendation from Paula and can work week days and operate a till, so he's snapped her up and she starts at the end of June when her current job ends. He's been all smug and pleased with himself since he got her; like Marcus will be when we finally sign Paul Hurst. Tel likes working with women. He get on better with them than other blokes, who I think he feels he has to compete with. He hated young Lee when he was here, yet he's been friends with the kid's family for years. Very strange.
So that's all, folks. See you in August for the resumption of hostilities. I might do the odd report during the summer, depending on whether anything happens, like we win the World Cup. Hope Bart doesn't go this summer, and if he does, we're not in the market for a keeper from Liverpool, after last night's nonsense. Still, we won a hundred quid on the 3-1 scoreline. Tel had a vision.........
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| The Warky Report: The Close Season (h & a) on 12:41 - May 27 with 1026 views | J2BLUE |
August? You can fook off. I need at least weekly updates on Tel. |  |
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| The Warky Report: The Close Season (h & a) on 12:50 - May 27 with 1013 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report: The Close Season (h & a) on 12:41 - May 27 by J2BLUE |
August? You can fook off. I need at least weekly updates on Tel. |
Come off it! I'm writing a book as well at the moment! You might be seeing the cusp of something momentous here, something you can boast about to the grandchildren. "I was there when Warky overcame his writer's block by writing some updates on Tel while he composed his Magnum opus, that book everyone said was a modern classic".
Besides, you'll get bored with weekly updates. This way, it keeps you wanting more.....! | |
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| The Warky Report: The Close Season (h & a) on 12:50 - May 27 with 1005 views | SitfcB |
| The Warky Report: The Close Season (h & a) on 12:41 - May 27 by J2BLUE |
August? You can fook off. I need at least weekly updates on Tel. |
Agreed. Still need weekly reports...! |  |
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| The Warky Report: The Close Season (h & a) on 15:49 - May 27 with 886 views | factual_blue |
| The Warky Report: The Close Season (h & a) on 12:50 - May 27 by Warkystache |
Come off it! I'm writing a book as well at the moment! You might be seeing the cusp of something momentous here, something you can boast about to the grandchildren. "I was there when Warky overcame his writer's block by writing some updates on Tel while he composed his Magnum opus, that book everyone said was a modern classic".
Besides, you'll get bored with weekly updates. This way, it keeps you wanting more.....! |
You're writing a book about chocolate-covered lollies (suggested to Walls by Roger Moore, apparently)? |  |
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