| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. 05:47 - Aug 1 with 16014 views | Benters2 |
I guess it happened the best way.
I was with her on Monday afternoon. I worked in the Morning yesterday and at 9.30 i got the dreaded call from my very upset sister.I was going to see her early if the rain carried on,sadly it stopped so i was aiming to see her at my usual lunchtime slot.
She had passed away in her sleep.
Many thanks to you all who have sent me messages and texts. |  | | |  |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 08:24 - Aug 18 with 2781 views | PJH |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:36 - Aug 18 by Benters2 |
Its my Mums funeral Tuesday im dreading it.
Its the waitng for it to happen which is doing my nut in.
Thanks again for all the kind wishes and what have you x. |
I hope that all goes as well as such things can do on Tuesday Benters. |  | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 08:41 - Aug 18 with 2756 views | GlasgowBlue |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:36 - Aug 18 by Benters2 |
Its my Mums funeral Tuesday im dreading it.
Its the waitng for it to happen which is doing my nut in.
Thanks again for all the kind wishes and what have you x. |
Hope it all goes well for you on Tuesday Benters.
Having buried both my mum and dad I found the funerals somewhat therapeutic inasmuch as it brought some closure on the circumstances of their deaths and allowed me to think more happy thoughts moving on.
Time is a natural healer. You’ll find at the moment thoughts of your mum is taking up 24/7 of your life and most of the time it will make you sad. Eventually that won’t happen and those thoughts will be less regular and far happier. |  |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 11:35 - Aug 18 with 2702 views | Ryorry |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:36 - Aug 18 by Benters2 |
Its my Mums funeral Tuesday im dreading it.
Its the waitng for it to happen which is doing my nut in.
Thanks again for all the kind wishes and what have you x. |
This is probably going to sound strange, but if you have to lose a member of your family, which means a terrible tough time all round, then having a funeral to go to, which gives a focal point for saying goodbye and grieving, is actually a good thing. It's only when you don't have that opportunity - which was actually the case for myself and other of our family members when my own Mum died abroad - that you realise the positive aspects of the ceremony. Sorry if that comes across as weird - I hope you'll understand what I mean by the end of Tuesday. All best - R.
Edit - hadn't read GB's post above when I wrote mine - he expresses very well what I was struggling to say! [Post edited 18 Aug 2018 11:41]
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 11:55 - Aug 18 with 2681 views | Benters2 |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 11:35 - Aug 18 by Ryorry |
This is probably going to sound strange, but if you have to lose a member of your family, which means a terrible tough time all round, then having a funeral to go to, which gives a focal point for saying goodbye and grieving, is actually a good thing. It's only when you don't have that opportunity - which was actually the case for myself and other of our family members when my own Mum died abroad - that you realise the positive aspects of the ceremony. Sorry if that comes across as weird - I hope you'll understand what I mean by the end of Tuesday. All best - R.
Edit - hadn't read GB's post above when I wrote mine - he expresses very well what I was struggling to say! [Post edited 18 Aug 2018 11:41]
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Thanks R x Just had my sister and niece on the phone,thankfully we all feel the same if that makes any sort of sense?
I’m about to pop out to see one of my customers dogs he has gone on a cruise for a month, me and my lady friend are caring for his dogs,so a run around the grounds and a bit of rough and tumble always makes me feel better! | | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 13:05 - Aug 18 with 2639 views | strikalite |
The dreaded funeral, you know ba half of me regrets not saying a few words at my Fathers funeral, but the day itself was upsetting enough and just didn't want that added pressure and anxiety of a speech on top of that, so I have to remind myself of that, will you be making a speech mate or like me is that something that you prefer not to do at this difficult time?
I admire anyone who can stand up there and do it, in my own mind I felt I might be judged for not doing it...but I thought about it and just decided not to.
Keep strong fella... |  | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 05:08 - Aug 21 with 2548 views | Benters2 |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 13:05 - Aug 18 by strikalite |
The dreaded funeral, you know ba half of me regrets not saying a few words at my Fathers funeral, but the day itself was upsetting enough and just didn't want that added pressure and anxiety of a speech on top of that, so I have to remind myself of that, will you be making a speech mate or like me is that something that you prefer not to do at this difficult time?
I admire anyone who can stand up there and do it, in my own mind I felt I might be judged for not doing it...but I thought about it and just decided not to.
Keep strong fella... |
Hello ba.
No i wont be doing a speech,my Sister and Niece are though,my Niece flew in from Carccassone last night to be there,i jsut hope they dont start blubbing too much.
There are ex's from past marriages going to be there,all sorts of people who dont really get on that great anymore,i just hope we can all behave and it doesnt end in a punch up! | | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:21 - Aug 21 with 2524 views | peterleeblue |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 05:08 - Aug 21 by Benters2 |
Hello ba.
No i wont be doing a speech,my Sister and Niece are though,my Niece flew in from Carccassone last night to be there,i jsut hope they dont start blubbing too much.
There are ex's from past marriages going to be there,all sorts of people who dont really get on that great anymore,i just hope we can all behave and it doesnt end in a punch up! |
Today is not about Punch ups.
I hope you have a peaceful and respectful day for your Mum. |  | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:55 - Aug 21 with 2512 views | Benters2 |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:21 - Aug 21 by peterleeblue |
Today is not about Punch ups.
I hope you have a peaceful and respectful day for your Mum. |
Thanks mate. | | | |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 07:31 - Aug 21 with 2484 views | GlasgowBlue |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:55 - Aug 21 by Benters2 |
Thanks mate. |
Best wishes today benters. | |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 07:44 - Aug 21 with 2473 views | SaleAway |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:36 - Aug 18 by Benters2 |
Its my Mums funeral Tuesday im dreading it.
Its the waitng for it to happen which is doing my nut in.
Thanks again for all the kind wishes and what have you x. |
Best of luck today - hope you can give your Mum a suitable send off.
This piece on grief has always resonated with me.... hope you can ride out the waves...
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. | |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 07:56 - Aug 21 with 2461 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Good luck with getting through it.......you will!
Slave junior has spoken at 2 grandparents' funerals now....never been more proud......but it's not for me. Do what you need to do to get through, even if it means going off for a long quiet walk......just no punch ups if at all possible! |  |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 09:14 - Aug 21 with 2417 views | artsbossbeard |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 13:05 - Aug 18 by strikalite |
The dreaded funeral, you know ba half of me regrets not saying a few words at my Fathers funeral, but the day itself was upsetting enough and just didn't want that added pressure and anxiety of a speech on top of that, so I have to remind myself of that, will you be making a speech mate or like me is that something that you prefer not to do at this difficult time?
I admire anyone who can stand up there and do it, in my own mind I felt I might be judged for not doing it...but I thought about it and just decided not to.
Keep strong fella... |
All the best for today, Benters. I genuinely feel for you at this time.
Nick's (Dalai Farmer) brother, Danny stood up at his funeral and I thought he was the bravest man alive at that time. He got through it and he found it quite cathartic.
I'm not sure if I could do it and also do it justice but I also know that there's no chance of my brother stepping up in the event of one of parents going.
Looks a nice day for things anyway. |  |
| Please note: prior to hitting the post button, I've double checked for anything that could be construed as "Anti Semitic" and to the best of my knowledge it isn't. Anything deemed to be of a Xenophobic nature is therefore purely accidental or down to your own misconstruing. | | Poll: | Raining in IP8 - shall I get the washing in? |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 09:19 - Aug 21 with 2401 views | m14_blue |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:36 - Aug 18 by Benters2 |
Its my Mums funeral Tuesday im dreading it.
Its the waitng for it to happen which is doing my nut in.
Thanks again for all the kind wishes and what have you x. |
Good luck mate.
Hope it goes as well as it can and your mum gets the send off she deserves. | | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 18:55 - Aug 21 with 2328 views | kpblues |
Sorry to hear about your mum Benters.
Sending you my best wishes | |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 19:24 - Aug 21 with 2309 views | connorscontract |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:55 - Aug 21 by Benters2 |
Thanks mate. |
I hope it went as well as it could today.
All the best Benters. | | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 19:53 - Aug 21 with 2277 views | Blueboys_1970 |
I hope all went as well as possible today. All the best. |  | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 20:31 - Aug 21 with 2255 views | PaganBlue |
I'm so sorry to hear this, Benters. Much love to you from me, and I'm sure Oz would have sent heaps too xxx | | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 20:33 - Aug 21 with 2253 views | GlasgowBlue |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 20:31 - Aug 21 by PaganBlue |
I'm so sorry to hear this, Benters. Much love to you from me, and I'm sure Oz would have sent heaps too xxx |
Hi Lisa. Hope you are bearing up ok? | |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 20:40 - Aug 21 with 2239 views | J2BLUE |
Hope it went well mate. |  |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 22:39 - Aug 21 with 2213 views | tractordownsouth |
I also echo the thoughts of everyone above in saying that I hope it went as well as possible Benters:) |  |
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| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 23:17 - Aug 21 with 2200 views | ally86 |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 07:44 - Aug 21 by SaleAway |
Best of luck today - hope you can give your Mum a suitable send off.
This piece on grief has always resonated with me.... hope you can ride out the waves...
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. |
Thank you for posting this - its been a year and a week since my sister was killed in an RTC - her husband died of his injuries a few weeks later. This is how I feel so much of the time.
Well meaning prople say that it gets easier - it doesn't for me. It does get less difficult tho.
I am going to copy what you have posted so I can re-read it when I am having a bad day.
Thank you |  | | |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 06:03 - Aug 22 with 2150 views | Benters2 |
| Sadly Yesterday my Mum passed away. on 20:31 - Aug 21 by PaganBlue |
I'm so sorry to hear this, Benters. Much love to you from me, and I'm sure Oz would have sent heaps too xxx |
Thank you so much and to all the lovely people who have been so kind to me.
It was a very hard hour or so,everybody thought it was funny me turning up clutching a lovely bunch of sunflowers,they were my mums favs,everybody else had the more traditional tributes.I knew over the years she didnt really like those kind of tributes.
But the funny thing was more people mentioned the beautiful Sunflowers than the others,i put them on her coffin during the service when the service was over the funeral director came and spoke to me and asked if he could take one sunflower into the cremation with my mum.
The rest of the flowers and tributes are going to the St.Helena Hospice in Colchester.
We also had a collection at the end for the Hospice.
As a dear friend said to me 'its the circle of life dear boy,your mum has had her turn now its someone elses'.
Once again thanks people. [Post edited 22 Aug 2018 6:17]
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