| My thoughts at the moment 00:02 - Aug 13 with 4159 views | tractordownsouth |
I'm not sure why I'm typing this here, but I wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere for people to see to anyone who reads, this may be a bit long winded.
As most of you know, I'm 18 so at that weird inbetween age. Throughout my life, I've always had a problem with a lack of structure and the feeling of being left behind and not progressing - so having just left college and with me not going to university until 2019, these fears are becoming fairly real and are affecting me.
Firstly: uni. Since I was very young, I never had to work hard to achieve academically - I was reading at the age of 3 and could add up 3 figure numbers at the age of 4. I never really learnt the feeling of hard work until last year when I got CCDE in my AS results and narrowly escaped doing a third year. This year I cracked down and worked really hard (In my economics mock, I got 97%, the best in the last 10 years, and that was my E grade at AS.) so felt satisfied with my achievements. Additionally, I decided to neglect the thought of university and do a half arsed UCAS application without looking around for courses, as I find it hard to focus on one goal at once because it causes me stress.
However, now this is coming back to bite me and leads to my second point - structure, progress and feeling behind. Since 2004, I've always known what I was doing from Monday to Friday between 8am-4pm - since the age of 13 I've had some wobbles in the summer holidays because of a lack of this. The plan this year is to work near enough full time to save for uni - I've applied for 20+ jobs in the last week. This may not sound like much but considering my age and the lack of stable, non- seasonal employment in Cornwall it is almost as many as possible - in my current job I would be lucky to get 10 hours a week in winter. All this is making me worry and make me wish I'd gone to uni but I can't as the loan I'm eligible for is only 4K, around half of living costs even if I was super tight - I found a perfect uni course the other day which triggered the upset . My four closest friends are all going to university this year so that has added to the concern over structure - I worry about being forgotten and doing the same thing as they all go off on adventures and doing the same thing.
I also saw my ex-girlfriend ( I was only dating her for four months and she dumped me in May) at a party last month and we've started meeting again but it's upsetting me as she's moving to Brighton uni next month - I know I'm only 18 so it isn't a life changing relationship but the fact I had to knuckle down and focus on exams and then it was the World Cup meant that I never had time to get sad about it until I saw her again, and this had added to all my bad thoughts.
All of this regret is coming back to haunt me and it's begun a big process of self loathing in the last few weeks - I get angry at myself for not progressing and keep myself awake at night. I have a few talents, such as singing/ playing guitar and writing and I get frustrated with myself for not writing more songs, or trying to do more creative writing in the journalism field. Because, in my head, I could be in a better place in life if I had and now even the idea of working ( when I hopefully find a stable job) is less appealing as I know I could have been doing the uni course I found the other day, had I learned about the loan situation, made an effort with UCAS and saved relentlessly this summer. In my head, I've convinced myself that me staying at home for a year makes me a year behind everyone else.
The worst days I have had have been bad - I've had thoughts of violence against myself and have even physically beaten myself a few times ( which is hard to admit as it seems a bit pathetic). I would never do the S word or anything but thoughts like that have come through my head a lot and it has been unpleasant. I finally buckled last week and cried for the first time in a year. I don't say this to sound tough ( I wish I cried more) but to demonstrate that I find it hard to ' let it out', not through embarrassment - I just find it physically impossible. I have a therapy and counselling session booked for next week.
Another thing playing on my mind is the fact that mum thinks I should have a test for an autism diagnosis - I would only be on the bottom of the spectrum but upon reflection, I do have many tendencies. These include a weird obsession with dates and numbers ( give me any date from 2014-16 and I can tell you something I did within a few days of that date), feeling physically overwhelmed by a noisy and unfamiliar environment, needing a lot of downtime alone between tasks. My sister also has autism ( far more severely than if I do) so that increases the possibility. I mention this not because I feel I'd become less of a person, but more because it concerns me that maybe some of my worries, like structure, are more permanent than temporary.
Weirdly, you'd never guess any of this from meeting me - I am very open and confident in a variety of social situations and whether I'm with my friends or a girl I always have confidence in myself and can be friendly with anyone.
I'm getting support from my mum on this and I'm actually feeling well having typed this. I'm not at my low ebb this evening and I'm feeling good. I'm far from a lost cause and have been making steps to make myself feel good - I've been more sociable with my family, I've applied for more jobs, played at open mics, looked at getting equipment for doing my own gigs. I just wanted to write this all down and see what it looked like. I may need to edit as I have likely forgotten something to mention, but I really appreciate you if you're still reading this
Much love, TDS |  |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 00:20 - Aug 13 with 4068 views | Illinoisblue |
good luck to you fella. Remember, things are never as bad as they seem. |  |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 00:27 - Aug 13 with 4050 views | tractordownsouth |
| My thoughts at the moment on 00:20 - Aug 13 by Illinoisblue |
good luck to you fella. Remember, things are never as bad as they seem. |
Thanks for reading mate, I appreciate. Yeah, as I said I've had some rough times recently but I'm taking positive steps and it's far from over:) | |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 00:46 - Aug 13 with 4025 views | floridablue |
Just like the previous poster I offer you good luck. Its obviously a help getting it off your chest Lets hope all replies will be positive for you, |  | | |
| on 00:47 - Aug 13 with 4027 views | _ |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 00:57 - Aug 13 with 3998 views | tractordownsouth |
Thanks Libbers, it's nice to read that. Thinking rationally, I know I definitely have the potential to do a lot in the future but it's just that I'm in the state of mind where I'm finding it let go of the fact that I could have done more in the past - in time, I'm sure I'll manage. I actually searched for your mental health thread from last year when I was feeling down the other night, and it helped to read the experiences of you and others and how you deal with it. I will definitely ping you a message should I need it! | |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 00:59 - Aug 13 with 4002 views | NoCanariesAllowed |
Something I feel is worth contributing to this: That structure you talk about, and that sense of being behind? I cannot possibly stress this enough to you:
It's all an illusion.
In all honesty, I think the education process can screw a lot of people up because it sets you into this very organised life of knowing where you have to be from one week, one month, one year to the next. Then you get to your age, and suddenly you don't *have* to do anything by any date. You have a freedom that is both exciting and terrifying. And suddenly if you're not doing the same as your peers, you feel you're either doing something wrong or you're 'behind' them.
It's not real. Real life doesn't have that neat and tidy structure of academia. You don't have to start your course the same time as other people you know. You don't have to start next year either. You don't have to do it at all. You can work for 20 years and do a course when you're on the brink of turning 40. It really doesn't matter - it's your life.
Case in point: I went straight to uni after doing my A-Levels in sixth form. Didn't really know what career I wanted, then a few months after graduating, I got my first full-time job. Didn't like it, got made redundant a year later, then after a lengthy spell of unemployment I went and did a postgrad course which ultimately led to my next job. But I found myself surrounded by people on that course who were all fresh out of uni, two years younger than me. Did that mean I was lagging behind? No - I'd got a year's worth of real working experience that most of them didn't have. But even if I hadn't - even if I'd just travelled the world or volunteered for a year - I wouldn't have been 'behind' them. I'd have just had a different journey to that point.
Welcome to the weird bit of your life that comes between 18 and 65. It's not a race, and it's not a nice neatly tiered system. It's a bewildering bloody maze of trying to find out who the hell you actually are and what the hell you're supposed to be doing.
I'm 30, and I'm still none the wiser!!
(Oh, and for the record, if my parents are anything to go by, that bit after 65 is just as open-ended and confusing!!) [Post edited 13 Aug 2018 1:02]
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| on 01:12 - Aug 13 with 3954 views | _ |
| My thoughts at the moment on 00:57 - Aug 13 by tractordownsouth |
Thanks Libbers, it's nice to read that. Thinking rationally, I know I definitely have the potential to do a lot in the future but it's just that I'm in the state of mind where I'm finding it let go of the fact that I could have done more in the past - in time, I'm sure I'll manage. I actually searched for your mental health thread from last year when I was feeling down the other night, and it helped to read the experiences of you and others and how you deal with it. I will definitely ping you a message should I need it! |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 07:48 - Aug 13 with 3635 views | tractordownsouth |
| My thoughts at the moment on 00:59 - Aug 13 by NoCanariesAllowed |
Something I feel is worth contributing to this: That structure you talk about, and that sense of being behind? I cannot possibly stress this enough to you:
It's all an illusion.
In all honesty, I think the education process can screw a lot of people up because it sets you into this very organised life of knowing where you have to be from one week, one month, one year to the next. Then you get to your age, and suddenly you don't *have* to do anything by any date. You have a freedom that is both exciting and terrifying. And suddenly if you're not doing the same as your peers, you feel you're either doing something wrong or you're 'behind' them.
It's not real. Real life doesn't have that neat and tidy structure of academia. You don't have to start your course the same time as other people you know. You don't have to start next year either. You don't have to do it at all. You can work for 20 years and do a course when you're on the brink of turning 40. It really doesn't matter - it's your life.
Case in point: I went straight to uni after doing my A-Levels in sixth form. Didn't really know what career I wanted, then a few months after graduating, I got my first full-time job. Didn't like it, got made redundant a year later, then after a lengthy spell of unemployment I went and did a postgrad course which ultimately led to my next job. But I found myself surrounded by people on that course who were all fresh out of uni, two years younger than me. Did that mean I was lagging behind? No - I'd got a year's worth of real working experience that most of them didn't have. But even if I hadn't - even if I'd just travelled the world or volunteered for a year - I wouldn't have been 'behind' them. I'd have just had a different journey to that point.
Welcome to the weird bit of your life that comes between 18 and 65. It's not a race, and it's not a nice neatly tiered system. It's a bewildering bloody maze of trying to find out who the hell you actually are and what the hell you're supposed to be doing.
I'm 30, and I'm still none the wiser!!
(Oh, and for the record, if my parents are anything to go by, that bit after 65 is just as open-ended and confusing!!) [Post edited 13 Aug 2018 1:02]
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Thanks. Yeah it can all be quite overwhelming really, as from now on life seems like such a low floor high ceiling thing, whereas before I knew what was going on. This is exciting but equally my current mindset means I focus on the negatives. In time, things will be fine I'm sure - fingers crossed! | |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 08:01 - Aug 13 with 3609 views | Steve_M |
Morning,
Yes, that feeling of suddenly having to work at A Level and not quite accepting it until it's a bit late is not a unique experience. I still find it incredibly frustrating that I wasn't pushed harder at GCSE and thus struggled to adapt and I did my GCSEs 25 years ago. So, whilst it might feel like you're in a unique position you aren't really it happens to a lot of people at some point academically and it's frustrating.
FWIW, going to university was the best thing I could have done, I got away from Ipswich and got back into working properly academically and regained the confidence in myself just being who I was that had disappeared a bit without academic success, so hopefully it will do the same to you next year.
That still leaves this year of course, as others have said you shouldn't worry too much about your friends doing other things, you'll stay in touch with the good ones despite that (plus you can invite yourself to go and visit them this year.
In any case, setting things out and being open about how you feel is always a good step, not sure I could - or would - have done that at your age but this place remains a very supportive one a lot of the time so don't worry about doing so again should you need to.
Now go and enjoy Exeter tomorrow and hopefully we'll get our first win under Hurst. |  |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 08:33 - Aug 13 with 3509 views | Ace_High1 |
Hang in there mate,
I remember really struggling towards the end of my A Levels - lots of things in my life seemed out of control and I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I was going. Its easy to focus on the negatives and worry yourself. Try to find some positive things to occupy your time and try to take a step back and look at all your strengths. We can often get caught up and dragged down by certain elements of our lives but I always benefit from trying to focus on what is going well for me and trying to see an unknown as a potential opportunity rather than a bad thing.
I finished my A Levels over 10 years ago now and although it wasn't planned have ended up doing ok in my line of work. I knew nothing about the industry I am in when I joined and I kind of just found my way to my current position. There have been plenty of ups and downs and lots to learn from (good and bad).
The biggest thing for me was accepting that I am not perfect and its ok to feel sad, unhappy, lonely at times. The important thing is recognising it as you are and then taking positive steps in trying to address it. |  | | |
| My thoughts at the moment on 08:55 - Aug 13 with 3457 views | GlasgowBlue |
That’s a hard read mate. I can’t begin to understand what you are going through and as an old codger, well mid fifties, I would love to be back at your age with my whole life ahead of me. It may not seem like it now but you will have years ahead of you of highs and lows. Embrace every challenge that is out in front of you.
I have a son who is your age and just about to start Uni and I know that there are loads of decisions he ha so make and there generally seems to be more pressure in kids today to conform to a certain path otherwise it is looked at as failure. But it isn’t, whatever path you take will lead you to various opportunities and life experiences. There should never be regret.
I’m a bit worried that you are considering self harm and make sure you attend the therapy sessions. Sometimes all it needs is to talk to somebody you don’t know and won’t judge you. Let it all out mate and open up to somebody you know won’t judge you.
Hope you will come back to this thread in another year and say how everything seems a whole lot better. |  |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 08:59 - Aug 13 with 3448 views | nodge_blue |
What seems important right now, will change in time. But my advice to my 18 year old self would be enjoy life. Its a gift and theres so much for you to do and experience.
Going to university isn't all that and I'm afraid that its almost inevitable that you will start to lose touch with your school / college pals over the coming years as you all either move about the country or just move on as people. But thats all fine. You make new friends.
I remember crying not wanting to go to Uni as I didnt feel ready. As it turned out I ended up in hospital when my A levels were on and didnt even sit them. Got a job. Years later did a OU degree.
There's many paths through life.
Like you I've often had at best blue periods and at worst depressed. But talking helps. Ultimately Im probably lucky that I can see and enjoy the positive aspects of life. But try and not dwell on things. We all make some wrong choices time to time. As long as it doesnt hurt others you have to shrug your shoulders. No point in crying over spilt milk and all that. Make your choices in life and give them your best shot. if it doesnt work out then so be it.
Good luck. |  |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 09:24 - Aug 13 with 3385 views | Guthrum |
On taking a year out before going to Uni, I did something similar by accident (having to take more A levels after not getting the grades to match any of my offers). All of my friends had gone.
Important thing to do is keep yourself occupied (working, studying, travelling, other activities). The time will fly by.
Once you get to Uni, the time out will be irrelevant. Being a year older makes no difference, except you might be a little more mature. You will rapidly develop an entirely new network of friends. Your experiences (and stock of funny stories) will swiftly catch up with that of your friends who went a year earlier. |  |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 09:25 - Aug 13 with 3383 views | tractordownsouth |
Thanks to everyone for the responses. Like I said to a poster who kindly PMd me, it feels weird talking about this now as I've woken up in a fairly good mood - maybe it helped me to let you lot know.
Glassers, I'm definitely going to attend the therapy sessions no matter what mood I'm in. Even if I have a burst of feeling happy, I'll still be there to talk about it as although it is hard to talk about things like that when you're feeling well, I'm not embarrassed at my emotions especially around the right people - although I admit I haven't told my friends about the feelings I've had but will do so if it all gets to much. As for the self harm stuff, it's a weird in the moment thing and I haven't done it for a few days, which is good . As I said, I'd never do the ultimate form of it and it has been beating myself - I know that's still a big issue and sounds strange but to me that doesn't seem as bad as slitting wrists etc, which I haven't thought of doing. My main trouble with the whole thing is more thoughts than the actual actions.
As for everyone's situation at 18, you are right and it is a scary time. I just need to understand that life is not a race. However, I think that living in Penzance escalates this feeling, with the lack of employment and opportunity, especially in winter, as it contrasts what my own perception of my friends at uni. I don't say this to blame others for my own troubles, but it's just another concern of mine - I'm determined to make a success of myself despite the geographical disadvantage. It's been interesting to read everyone's own life journeys on this thread as it is something I would never have known and will hopefully help me understand that I should take things at my own pace.
Thanks again for the responses, any other posters feel free to comtribute:) | |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 09:31 - Aug 13 with 3364 views | Guthrum |
| My thoughts at the moment on 09:25 - Aug 13 by tractordownsouth |
Thanks to everyone for the responses. Like I said to a poster who kindly PMd me, it feels weird talking about this now as I've woken up in a fairly good mood - maybe it helped me to let you lot know.
Glassers, I'm definitely going to attend the therapy sessions no matter what mood I'm in. Even if I have a burst of feeling happy, I'll still be there to talk about it as although it is hard to talk about things like that when you're feeling well, I'm not embarrassed at my emotions especially around the right people - although I admit I haven't told my friends about the feelings I've had but will do so if it all gets to much. As for the self harm stuff, it's a weird in the moment thing and I haven't done it for a few days, which is good . As I said, I'd never do the ultimate form of it and it has been beating myself - I know that's still a big issue and sounds strange but to me that doesn't seem as bad as slitting wrists etc, which I haven't thought of doing. My main trouble with the whole thing is more thoughts than the actual actions.
As for everyone's situation at 18, you are right and it is a scary time. I just need to understand that life is not a race. However, I think that living in Penzance escalates this feeling, with the lack of employment and opportunity, especially in winter, as it contrasts what my own perception of my friends at uni. I don't say this to blame others for my own troubles, but it's just another concern of mine - I'm determined to make a success of myself despite the geographical disadvantage. It's been interesting to read everyone's own life journeys on this thread as it is something I would never have known and will hopefully help me understand that I should take things at my own pace.
Thanks again for the responses, any other posters feel free to comtribute:) |
On the work front, in your situation of largely seasonal employment, you could take the approach of working like fury in the summer to earn as much as possible, then do something else in the winter, such as a part time job combined with volunteering, or go on holiday (which will be cheaper at that time of year). | |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 09:47 - Aug 13 with 3307 views | Herbivore |
Don't be too hard on yourself, life feels massive at 18 and every decision is amplified and it's not for a good few years that you start to realise that things don't matter all that much, it's how you deal with the choices you make that is more important than the choices themselves.
Regarding uni, don't regret taking a year out. I took two years out and got a first, all of my flatmates had taken a year out and got at least high 2:1s. A break from education is a good thing, trying to do 16 years of it straight off the bat is a nonsense and most of my mates who went from college to uni immediately really struggled. You'll learn and grow in that time, working is good as it will help you to appreciate the value of work and money more than someone who's only ever done the odd part time job. You'll be a year older and that bit more mature (although you've always come across as wise beyond your years anyway). You also have a year to make sure you find a course that you really want to do, this is really vital as you'll be immersed in it for 3 years so it needs to hold your interest. Consider a joint honours degree if you don't like focusing on one thing.
You won't get left behind socially either. You can visit your mates at uni and whilst it is likely you'll feel a bit like they are in a different place they are still your mates. And when you start uni you'll make loads of new mates too, and your old mates will be jealous when they are looking for work and you've still got a year of uni left to enjoy.
As for the autism issue, it's getting checked out. There's no stigma attached to it and it may help you and others to understand you better. You may even be eligible for some additional resources and support when you go to uni if you do get a diagnosis.
Always happy to PM if I can help. |  |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 12:41 - Aug 13 with 3139 views | tractordownsouth |
| My thoughts at the moment on 09:47 - Aug 13 by Herbivore |
Don't be too hard on yourself, life feels massive at 18 and every decision is amplified and it's not for a good few years that you start to realise that things don't matter all that much, it's how you deal with the choices you make that is more important than the choices themselves.
Regarding uni, don't regret taking a year out. I took two years out and got a first, all of my flatmates had taken a year out and got at least high 2:1s. A break from education is a good thing, trying to do 16 years of it straight off the bat is a nonsense and most of my mates who went from college to uni immediately really struggled. You'll learn and grow in that time, working is good as it will help you to appreciate the value of work and money more than someone who's only ever done the odd part time job. You'll be a year older and that bit more mature (although you've always come across as wise beyond your years anyway). You also have a year to make sure you find a course that you really want to do, this is really vital as you'll be immersed in it for 3 years so it needs to hold your interest. Consider a joint honours degree if you don't like focusing on one thing.
You won't get left behind socially either. You can visit your mates at uni and whilst it is likely you'll feel a bit like they are in a different place they are still your mates. And when you start uni you'll make loads of new mates too, and your old mates will be jealous when they are looking for work and you've still got a year of uni left to enjoy.
As for the autism issue, it's getting checked out. There's no stigma attached to it and it may help you and others to understand you better. You may even be eligible for some additional resources and support when you go to uni if you do get a diagnosis.
Always happy to PM if I can help. |
Thanks Herbs. This morning I just got an email from Banardos offering me an interview. It's part time ( 14 hours) but fixed term and £8.75 an hour which is a bloody good wage for an 18 year old in Penzance. Obviously I'll need another 10/15 hours somewhere else as a minimum but it's a start.
As I've said before, it's kind of my own mindset for thinking that life is race, which has got worse by the fact I found the course I would like to do recently. However, if I get a stable amount of employment which gives me a bit of the holy grail of structure then I think I should be doing well. Then I'll be able to sort out my issues and be successful at uni, I hope! | |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 15:21 - Aug 13 with 2996 views | Herbivore |
| My thoughts at the moment on 12:41 - Aug 13 by tractordownsouth |
Thanks Herbs. This morning I just got an email from Banardos offering me an interview. It's part time ( 14 hours) but fixed term and £8.75 an hour which is a bloody good wage for an 18 year old in Penzance. Obviously I'll need another 10/15 hours somewhere else as a minimum but it's a start.
As I've said before, it's kind of my own mindset for thinking that life is race, which has got worse by the fact I found the course I would like to do recently. However, if I get a stable amount of employment which gives me a bit of the holy grail of structure then I think I should be doing well. Then I'll be able to sort out my issues and be successful at uni, I hope! |
I'm sure it'll all work out mate, you come across as very switched on and aware of the things that are causing you to feel stressed and anxious. There are other ways to get structure too aside from work (e.g. getting up and going for a run or to the gym, having a time of day where you write or paint of play music, setting aside time to research courses and potentially starting some of the pre-reading nice and early). | |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 15:27 - Aug 13 with 2985 views | Steve_M |
| My thoughts at the moment on 15:21 - Aug 13 by Herbivore |
I'm sure it'll all work out mate, you come across as very switched on and aware of the things that are causing you to feel stressed and anxious. There are other ways to get structure too aside from work (e.g. getting up and going for a run or to the gym, having a time of day where you write or paint of play music, setting aside time to research courses and potentially starting some of the pre-reading nice and early). |
I was going to add the same point about non-work related structure. Exercise, academic reading and reading for pleasure are all good ways of doing that and should well form good habits for university where the surplus of time can be a problem too. | |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 16:22 - Aug 13 with 2911 views | MVBlue |
| My thoughts at the moment on 12:41 - Aug 13 by tractordownsouth |
Thanks Herbs. This morning I just got an email from Banardos offering me an interview. It's part time ( 14 hours) but fixed term and £8.75 an hour which is a bloody good wage for an 18 year old in Penzance. Obviously I'll need another 10/15 hours somewhere else as a minimum but it's a start.
As I've said before, it's kind of my own mindset for thinking that life is race, which has got worse by the fact I found the course I would like to do recently. However, if I get a stable amount of employment which gives me a bit of the holy grail of structure then I think I should be doing well. Then I'll be able to sort out my issues and be successful at uni, I hope! |
It is an important time in life, changing direction from friends can be difficult, as another poster says things that seem important in the now change, part of moving forward. But ultimately people do go their own direction. 1 year away from study and before Uni can show you the real world and give motivation to work hard/play hard at Uni like my placement year did for me.
Another thing... Doing a regular sport/exercise always helps with lifes challenges, breaks up the week, can be social, releases stress. |  |
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| My thoughts at the moment on 16:41 - Aug 13 with 2893 views | DecageBruce |
I would mirror much of what others have said to you here.
I can relate to some of the things you have said and generally, structure is safe and we all enjoy it but a lot of us are fumbling through life to a certain degree.
For me personally I have major anxiety issues so can relate to the going to Uni as I had much the same feelings and for me it all came to a head at the age of 30 where I had a breakdown. This was all self inflicted and due to the stress and pressure I place on myself on a daily basis.
At that time I had a lot of changes going on (death in family, new position at work, relocating, got engaged, bought a house) and I should have been enjoying all these things but all i could focus in was the negatives and what happened if something went wrong.
I personally used Hypnotherapy (you can do this for free by just downloading them now) which just lowered the stress levels and taught me to focus on the good things. What people see in me, not reliving something stupid I said over and over again in my head which they probably don't even remember.
I also appreciate your comments in your friends and leaving touch. Following going to Uni I didn't go home for approx 6 years and the more time went on the more I was worried about going back. I then got in touch with a few, travelled and spent time with them, Stag Do's, Weddings etc. It was like I had never been away. Bonds like that stay there forever.
You are at a cross roads in your life. Focus on what you are good at, what you want to do and try and plan/visualise a path. It may be Uni, it may not. May require money, may not. I don't know if you drive but a great example of how the world can work is if you decide to buy a new car and find the make and model that you want. Suddenly when you drive/walk around you see the bloody things everywhere. This is because this decision is now in your subconscious and your brain will pick these things out. The same goes for the next stages for you. Try and decide what would be the ideal goal. You may find that suddenly opportunities suddenly appear. This may be luck, it may be hard work but it will also be because subconsciously your brain is now seeing these opportunities for you and bringing them to the forefront of your mind so you see them and focus on them without thinking or stressing.
I promise I'm not a new age hippy or anything. I think a lot of people have been through similar things. Writing them down (I had a short lived blog which really helped me) can help and also just hearing and feeling supported by your family, friends and randoms of a forum all help.
You want to DM me for a chat feel free
Keep you chin up mate. Nothing is insurmountable, especially at your age. Life moves on and usually surprises you in the best ways |  | | |
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