| The Warky Report: Swansea City (a) 09:08 - Oct 7 with 1282 views | Warkystache |
"Wives spendingg dosh like water" read the text on Friday. I assumed it was Terry and I was right. "How comes?" I replied. There was a 30 minute pause, then "New cot, new sandles new etternaty ring" beeped up. I think he meant coat. I hope he meant coat. I know IVF's not cheap, but.....?
That was my sole contact from my newsagent all week. He'll be back on the 13th, doubtless laden with duty-free spirits and cheap designer togs and aftershave. His instructions for the footy bets have paid modest dividends, although he did think Watford would win yesterday and he had us down to lose. He's gone for a draw in the Liverpool game and a win for Chelsea. We're currently £89 up with a further £70 to play for.
I worked on the book in my spare time, but it came to 10am yesterday and I just really fancied a walk. It helps, walking, because it lets me work out plot developments in me head. Plus there's the (significant) carrot of a nice pub at the end, spot of lunch, pint of ale, read of newspaper, walking boots steaming gently.
I went to Stoke by Nayland and parked in the Crown, donned my cagoule and my walkers (it was raining heavily) and strolled down to Polstead by way of a few muddy fields as cars swished by and one memorable near incident with a brook which ended OK but was a bit hairy at the time. I stood in the rain by the duck pond, lost in new characters and things existing ones could do next. A family, grandmother, father driving with his wife in the passenger seat, three small children fidgeting in the back, stopped and asked for directions to Hadleigh. I gave them, then realised, as they drove off, that I'd sent them to Sudbury instead. Sure enough, ten minutes later, a slightly harassed looking bloke with his wife, kids and grandmother in the back and driving a very familiar-looking car, came back past me, stopped three yards in front, failed to recognise me from earlier, and asked, in clipped but polite tones, for directions to Hadleigh. I gave them. They pretended not to recognise me from earlier. Or perhaps they genuinely didn't? I'd taken my hood down and moved to the other edge of the pond.
I went and had a look at the Red Barn, where some bloke murdered his lover about 200 years ago and was hung for it (not at the barn but in Bury). It dripped in the rain, any sinister associations long-dead. A bloke, in a sweater and cords, stood in his kitchen watching me. I waved, but he didn't respond, just stood sipping from a mug of tea and watching me. He then said something to an unseen person over his shoulder and, seconds later, was joined by an elderly woman, who looked like she was trying to peer through an intense fog. They watched me all the way as I slunk off, turning now and then to look back at them watching me. Perhaps I just look shifty naturally? Perhaps I was the highlight of their week. They're probably still discussing me now.
After the rain and the scuffed dead leaves, it was nice to get back to the Crown and sit in comfy chairs with a foaming ale and the lunch menu open in front of me. The leaves dripped, the haze rose over the valley at the back, the foliage still green but changing to russet, gleaming in the early afternoon pallor, a taste of true autumn.
I had lunch (monkfish fillet with spinach and watercress sauce, pommes dauphinoise, seasonal veg, and a rhubarb and apple crumble with fresh custard) and then drove home, my belly full, the rain still pattering on the car windscreen. I got back at four, the dictaphone I'd optimistically taken to record any thoughts emptier than last night's gin bottle. I was self-conscious even carrying it; the image of Alan Partridge muttering 'monkey tennis' still caught in my psyche.
We were winning 2-1 when I switched on Soccer Saturday, and I smiled and then remembered Birmingham. Sure enough, Celina equalised, and the woman reporting at the game went into paroxysms of joy as she described the goal. She made it sound like he'd hit a forty yarder into the top corner, past the despairing dive of Deano. I watched it later and, whilst a good goal, it was a daisy-cutter. Hardly worth the orgasm from Michelle (or whatever her name was).
Then we scored again, and Michelle, glum, said "Against the run of play, they've hardly been in it, it's a f*cking shame Jeff, the jammy bastards" or something like that, and Trev had nipped in to plant a header into the sheepshagger net. It felt great. I just hoped we could hold on. We nipped back to Swansea for the erstwhile Michelle to say "And Swansea should've got an equaliser, Jeff, but missed an open goal. Ipswich are spawnier than a two-cocked cavalier today" or something, and then it came up on the videprinter as 3-2 and we'd done it. And all thoughts of working on the book went up in smoke as I opened the wine bottle and poured a large red.
I meant to do some this morning, and got up at 6am, only to remember the Grand Prix was on. And I had to write this. So there. I should be done by 2020.
I'll let you know how Tel's holiday went next week. He's supposedly doing costs for the move this coming week. I bet he finds a few 'distractions' first though. |  |
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| The Warky Report: Swansea City (a) on 09:16 - Oct 7 with 1235 views | backwiththeboysagain |
Love your reports Warky, the family asking for directions reminds me of the times I get asked during the summer months of people asking for directions to caravan parks. Have to admit to telling a few the wrong way, in particular once a BMW X5 with a caravan being towed were sent to a dead end to the rivers edge. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Swansea City (a) on 09:27 - Oct 7 with 1195 views | m14_blue |
Great read as ever, really looking forward to the book.
Michelle Owen did seem rather disgruntled whenever Town scored. A little bit annoying but I still think she's rather lovely. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Swansea City (a) on 10:27 - Oct 7 with 1075 views | hoppy |
Reading this was a joy as ever, yet tinged with a little sadness that it may be the penultimate one... unless you can be persuaded to sign a further short term extension until Christmas, or the end of the season? |  |
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| The Warky Report: Swansea City (a) on 10:32 - Oct 7 with 1045 views | DropCliffsNotBombs |
As always, quality! Writing style really reminds me of Bill Bryson, particularly the walking in the rain aspect. Great job and good luck with the novel. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Swansea City (a) on 10:36 - Oct 7 with 1032 views | Ace_High1 |
Entertaining as always. The only report I read after any ITFC game.
Hopefully its not the last and you return with more in the future. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Swansea City (a) on 10:36 - Oct 7 with 1033 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report: Swansea City (a) on 10:27 - Oct 7 by hoppy |
Reading this was a joy as ever, yet tinged with a little sadness that it may be the penultimate one... unless you can be persuaded to sign a further short term extension until Christmas, or the end of the season? |
I dunno. It's taking a bit of spare time from the book, and that needs to be a priority at the mo.
Like Lazarus, I'm sure I'll return..... | |
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