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That moment when........... (part 1) 08:44 - Nov 9 with 2935 viewsBanksterDebtSlave

........you sit down and half way through a dump realise that somebody (usually one of the kids!) has 'forgotten' to replace the loo roll!
Bloody kids!


"They break our legs and tell us to be grateful when they offer us crutches."
Poll: If the choice is Moore or no more.

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:02 - Nov 9 with 2882 viewsBrianTablet

Is that a metaphoric way of summarising the manager's job at Ipswich under ME?

"......Paul Mariner......John Wark...... Brian Tablet...errrrrrr Talbot"
Poll: In a hellish scenario, would you rather...

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:05 - Nov 9 with 2870 viewsBanksterDebtSlave

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:02 - Nov 9 by BrianTablet

Is that a metaphoric way of summarising the manager's job at Ipswich under ME?


Well now you mention it.....maybe this should be a football thread!

"They break our legs and tell us to be grateful when they offer us crutches."
Poll: If the choice is Moore or no more.

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:10 - Nov 9 with 2861 viewsWeWereZombies

About time the Friday dump thread was ressurected, now we need a rubbish joke Thursday - oh, wait, GeoffSentence suggested yesterday that The Beatles were overrated, that'll do.

Poll: Luton or Dubai ?

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:15 - Nov 9 with 2857 viewsdirtyboy

Want to hear something disgusting?

Last week I was at the swimming pool watching the kids (my own obvs...wasn't some sort of disguised pedo reconnaissance) anyway, I deseprately needed to squeeze one out, I was at the point where a few feint rumblings had turned into small intermittent gas leakages that if not attended to quickly, would lead to a widespread collaboration between sets of parents as to who the perpetrator was.

So I dashed to the nearest twalette and it was engaged. Not deterred, I knew there was another relief bowl across the other side of the centre, so off I trot with a little more urgency.

I open the door, darkeness...pefect...nobody in here...the auto lights come on just as i'd fumbled into the only cubical in that toilet.

Like any opportunity where a public toilet is known to be empty, I emptied with great satisfaction, the echoes from the bowl were reminicent of my time atop an active volcano in Lanzarote and I'm grateful nobody was present, because it wasn't one of those that you could 'eek' out in stages with impeccable bowel control, this was a heard of buffalo and ain't nothing stopping that stampede.

Anyway, as we all know, that relief is a great feeling, but that great feeling turned to horror when I realised the paper was empty.

No phone, can't call for help. Remote part of the centre, highly unlikely to be anyone else in here at just gone 6 in the morning and regardless, there's no adjacent cubicle to politely ask for a pass along.

Mild panic sets in, but i'm stuck. I have absolutely no choice, I flushed the toilet....looked at my hand, was grateful my fingernails were impeccably short and reached for a scoop around.

I'm simultaneously flushing the toilet, wincing at my own actions and trying desperately to use the flush as some sort of adhoc biday and in the main, it was quite successful.

Inevitably however, I'm presented with a hand covered in more than I would care to experience.

I spend the next 10 minutes scrubbing my hands, clean...phew.

I then dive out of that toilet, across the corridoor into the disabled toilet to grab some loo paper to dry my wet bum and a further 10 minutes drying my shorts which had suffered greatly from the difficult to direct bidet stream i'd been trying to recreate.

What a nightmare....assess your options carefully for part 2.
8
That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:24 - Nov 9 with 2834 viewsBanksterDebtSlave

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:15 - Nov 9 by dirtyboy

Want to hear something disgusting?

Last week I was at the swimming pool watching the kids (my own obvs...wasn't some sort of disguised pedo reconnaissance) anyway, I deseprately needed to squeeze one out, I was at the point where a few feint rumblings had turned into small intermittent gas leakages that if not attended to quickly, would lead to a widespread collaboration between sets of parents as to who the perpetrator was.

So I dashed to the nearest twalette and it was engaged. Not deterred, I knew there was another relief bowl across the other side of the centre, so off I trot with a little more urgency.

I open the door, darkeness...pefect...nobody in here...the auto lights come on just as i'd fumbled into the only cubical in that toilet.

Like any opportunity where a public toilet is known to be empty, I emptied with great satisfaction, the echoes from the bowl were reminicent of my time atop an active volcano in Lanzarote and I'm grateful nobody was present, because it wasn't one of those that you could 'eek' out in stages with impeccable bowel control, this was a heard of buffalo and ain't nothing stopping that stampede.

Anyway, as we all know, that relief is a great feeling, but that great feeling turned to horror when I realised the paper was empty.

No phone, can't call for help. Remote part of the centre, highly unlikely to be anyone else in here at just gone 6 in the morning and regardless, there's no adjacent cubicle to politely ask for a pass along.

Mild panic sets in, but i'm stuck. I have absolutely no choice, I flushed the toilet....looked at my hand, was grateful my fingernails were impeccably short and reached for a scoop around.

I'm simultaneously flushing the toilet, wincing at my own actions and trying desperately to use the flush as some sort of adhoc biday and in the main, it was quite successful.

Inevitably however, I'm presented with a hand covered in more than I would care to experience.

I spend the next 10 minutes scrubbing my hands, clean...phew.

I then dive out of that toilet, across the corridoor into the disabled toilet to grab some loo paper to dry my wet bum and a further 10 minutes drying my shorts which had suffered greatly from the difficult to direct bidet stream i'd been trying to recreate.

What a nightmare....assess your options carefully for part 2.


Glorious! ....post of the year!......and you couldn't even blame the kids, well not directly anyway.

"They break our legs and tell us to be grateful when they offer us crutches."
Poll: If the choice is Moore or no more.

1
That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:33 - Nov 9 with 2818 viewscatch74

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:15 - Nov 9 by dirtyboy

Want to hear something disgusting?

Last week I was at the swimming pool watching the kids (my own obvs...wasn't some sort of disguised pedo reconnaissance) anyway, I deseprately needed to squeeze one out, I was at the point where a few feint rumblings had turned into small intermittent gas leakages that if not attended to quickly, would lead to a widespread collaboration between sets of parents as to who the perpetrator was.

So I dashed to the nearest twalette and it was engaged. Not deterred, I knew there was another relief bowl across the other side of the centre, so off I trot with a little more urgency.

I open the door, darkeness...pefect...nobody in here...the auto lights come on just as i'd fumbled into the only cubical in that toilet.

Like any opportunity where a public toilet is known to be empty, I emptied with great satisfaction, the echoes from the bowl were reminicent of my time atop an active volcano in Lanzarote and I'm grateful nobody was present, because it wasn't one of those that you could 'eek' out in stages with impeccable bowel control, this was a heard of buffalo and ain't nothing stopping that stampede.

Anyway, as we all know, that relief is a great feeling, but that great feeling turned to horror when I realised the paper was empty.

No phone, can't call for help. Remote part of the centre, highly unlikely to be anyone else in here at just gone 6 in the morning and regardless, there's no adjacent cubicle to politely ask for a pass along.

Mild panic sets in, but i'm stuck. I have absolutely no choice, I flushed the toilet....looked at my hand, was grateful my fingernails were impeccably short and reached for a scoop around.

I'm simultaneously flushing the toilet, wincing at my own actions and trying desperately to use the flush as some sort of adhoc biday and in the main, it was quite successful.

Inevitably however, I'm presented with a hand covered in more than I would care to experience.

I spend the next 10 minutes scrubbing my hands, clean...phew.

I then dive out of that toilet, across the corridoor into the disabled toilet to grab some loo paper to dry my wet bum and a further 10 minutes drying my shorts which had suffered greatly from the difficult to direct bidet stream i'd been trying to recreate.

What a nightmare....assess your options carefully for part 2.


How did you come up with your username?

Poll: Who are the Numbskulls?

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:35 - Nov 9 with 2819 viewsTHAILAND_BLUE

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:24 - Nov 9 by BanksterDebtSlave

Glorious! ....post of the year!......and you couldn't even blame the kids, well not directly anyway.


Can anyone remember when a Thai man was bitten on the penis by a python while having a dump?
Well, it happened again today. Some poor guy was just sitting on the bog seat when a python appeared from up the pipe and bit him on the balls.
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That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:39 - Nov 9 with 2812 viewsGeoffSentence

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:10 - Nov 9 by WeWereZombies

About time the Friday dump thread was ressurected, now we need a rubbish joke Thursday - oh, wait, GeoffSentence suggested yesterday that The Beatles were overrated, that'll do.


Ha! I guess that means you disagree.


As a point of order, I didn't suggest it I stated it loud and clear.

Don't boil a kettle on a boat.
Poll: The best Williams to play for Town

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:49 - Nov 9 with 2790 viewsWeWereZombies

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:39 - Nov 9 by GeoffSentence

Ha! I guess that means you disagree.


As a point of order, I didn't suggest it I stated it loud and clear.


Alright then. Expecting you to post that Bobby Robson was not much of a football manager now.

Poll: Luton or Dubai ?

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 11:41 - Nov 9 with 2694 viewsJ2BLUE

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:15 - Nov 9 by dirtyboy

Want to hear something disgusting?

Last week I was at the swimming pool watching the kids (my own obvs...wasn't some sort of disguised pedo reconnaissance) anyway, I deseprately needed to squeeze one out, I was at the point where a few feint rumblings had turned into small intermittent gas leakages that if not attended to quickly, would lead to a widespread collaboration between sets of parents as to who the perpetrator was.

So I dashed to the nearest twalette and it was engaged. Not deterred, I knew there was another relief bowl across the other side of the centre, so off I trot with a little more urgency.

I open the door, darkeness...pefect...nobody in here...the auto lights come on just as i'd fumbled into the only cubical in that toilet.

Like any opportunity where a public toilet is known to be empty, I emptied with great satisfaction, the echoes from the bowl were reminicent of my time atop an active volcano in Lanzarote and I'm grateful nobody was present, because it wasn't one of those that you could 'eek' out in stages with impeccable bowel control, this was a heard of buffalo and ain't nothing stopping that stampede.

Anyway, as we all know, that relief is a great feeling, but that great feeling turned to horror when I realised the paper was empty.

No phone, can't call for help. Remote part of the centre, highly unlikely to be anyone else in here at just gone 6 in the morning and regardless, there's no adjacent cubicle to politely ask for a pass along.

Mild panic sets in, but i'm stuck. I have absolutely no choice, I flushed the toilet....looked at my hand, was grateful my fingernails were impeccably short and reached for a scoop around.

I'm simultaneously flushing the toilet, wincing at my own actions and trying desperately to use the flush as some sort of adhoc biday and in the main, it was quite successful.

Inevitably however, I'm presented with a hand covered in more than I would care to experience.

I spend the next 10 minutes scrubbing my hands, clean...phew.

I then dive out of that toilet, across the corridoor into the disabled toilet to grab some loo paper to dry my wet bum and a further 10 minutes drying my shorts which had suffered greatly from the difficult to direct bidet stream i'd been trying to recreate.

What a nightmare....assess your options carefully for part 2.


Glorious.

I used to work somewhere where there was frequently no paper. Thankfully I had spotted this well in advance and placed a roll in the boot of my car. The toilets were in one of those little huts where you had to walk past the car park to get to it so I didn't look like a weirdo going to get my private toilet roll.

This is also the reason I carry a pack of these year round:



They won't complete the job, but like an American rednecks consider a hand gun a tool to fight their way to their rifle, these will buy you some time and avoid the need to...scoop

Truly impaired.
Poll: Will you buying a Super Blues membership?

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 13:30 - Nov 9 with 2619 viewsJimmyJazz

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:15 - Nov 9 by dirtyboy

Want to hear something disgusting?

Last week I was at the swimming pool watching the kids (my own obvs...wasn't some sort of disguised pedo reconnaissance) anyway, I deseprately needed to squeeze one out, I was at the point where a few feint rumblings had turned into small intermittent gas leakages that if not attended to quickly, would lead to a widespread collaboration between sets of parents as to who the perpetrator was.

So I dashed to the nearest twalette and it was engaged. Not deterred, I knew there was another relief bowl across the other side of the centre, so off I trot with a little more urgency.

I open the door, darkeness...pefect...nobody in here...the auto lights come on just as i'd fumbled into the only cubical in that toilet.

Like any opportunity where a public toilet is known to be empty, I emptied with great satisfaction, the echoes from the bowl were reminicent of my time atop an active volcano in Lanzarote and I'm grateful nobody was present, because it wasn't one of those that you could 'eek' out in stages with impeccable bowel control, this was a heard of buffalo and ain't nothing stopping that stampede.

Anyway, as we all know, that relief is a great feeling, but that great feeling turned to horror when I realised the paper was empty.

No phone, can't call for help. Remote part of the centre, highly unlikely to be anyone else in here at just gone 6 in the morning and regardless, there's no adjacent cubicle to politely ask for a pass along.

Mild panic sets in, but i'm stuck. I have absolutely no choice, I flushed the toilet....looked at my hand, was grateful my fingernails were impeccably short and reached for a scoop around.

I'm simultaneously flushing the toilet, wincing at my own actions and trying desperately to use the flush as some sort of adhoc biday and in the main, it was quite successful.

Inevitably however, I'm presented with a hand covered in more than I would care to experience.

I spend the next 10 minutes scrubbing my hands, clean...phew.

I then dive out of that toilet, across the corridoor into the disabled toilet to grab some loo paper to dry my wet bum and a further 10 minutes drying my shorts which had suffered greatly from the difficult to direct bidet stream i'd been trying to recreate.

What a nightmare....assess your options carefully for part 2.


Action to be taken after that. Get into the swimming pool and have a further bit of a clean up

Poll: If we could perm sign just one, which would it be?
Blog: Top Championship Teams?

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 13:34 - Nov 9 with 2607 viewsFrimleyBlue

That Moment When..........

You've waited all day to go have bloody good sht, you take your place, you prepare yourself and wallah, the cubicle doors open next to you.

2 options
1, hold on, in pain as you know it's gonna make a bloody good noise
2, let it go, and pray to god the guy next to you finishes before you so he doesn't see who it was who pretty much just let out a rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody on the drums.

Waka waka eh eh
Poll: We've had Kuqi v Pablo.. so Broadhead or Celina?
Blog: Marcus Evans Needs Our Support Not to Be Hounded Out

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 13:58 - Nov 9 with 2579 viewslinhdi

That moment when........... (part 1) on 11:41 - Nov 9 by J2BLUE

Glorious.

I used to work somewhere where there was frequently no paper. Thankfully I had spotted this well in advance and placed a roll in the boot of my car. The toilets were in one of those little huts where you had to walk past the car park to get to it so I didn't look like a weirdo going to get my private toilet roll.

This is also the reason I carry a pack of these year round:



They won't complete the job, but like an American rednecks consider a hand gun a tool to fight their way to their rifle, these will buy you some time and avoid the need to...scoop


J2, that has to be the best analogy I have heard in ages!
1
That moment when........... (part 1) on 14:04 - Nov 9 with 2563 viewsSwansea_Blue

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:15 - Nov 9 by dirtyboy

Want to hear something disgusting?

Last week I was at the swimming pool watching the kids (my own obvs...wasn't some sort of disguised pedo reconnaissance) anyway, I deseprately needed to squeeze one out, I was at the point where a few feint rumblings had turned into small intermittent gas leakages that if not attended to quickly, would lead to a widespread collaboration between sets of parents as to who the perpetrator was.

So I dashed to the nearest twalette and it was engaged. Not deterred, I knew there was another relief bowl across the other side of the centre, so off I trot with a little more urgency.

I open the door, darkeness...pefect...nobody in here...the auto lights come on just as i'd fumbled into the only cubical in that toilet.

Like any opportunity where a public toilet is known to be empty, I emptied with great satisfaction, the echoes from the bowl were reminicent of my time atop an active volcano in Lanzarote and I'm grateful nobody was present, because it wasn't one of those that you could 'eek' out in stages with impeccable bowel control, this was a heard of buffalo and ain't nothing stopping that stampede.

Anyway, as we all know, that relief is a great feeling, but that great feeling turned to horror when I realised the paper was empty.

No phone, can't call for help. Remote part of the centre, highly unlikely to be anyone else in here at just gone 6 in the morning and regardless, there's no adjacent cubicle to politely ask for a pass along.

Mild panic sets in, but i'm stuck. I have absolutely no choice, I flushed the toilet....looked at my hand, was grateful my fingernails were impeccably short and reached for a scoop around.

I'm simultaneously flushing the toilet, wincing at my own actions and trying desperately to use the flush as some sort of adhoc biday and in the main, it was quite successful.

Inevitably however, I'm presented with a hand covered in more than I would care to experience.

I spend the next 10 minutes scrubbing my hands, clean...phew.

I then dive out of that toilet, across the corridoor into the disabled toilet to grab some loo paper to dry my wet bum and a further 10 minutes drying my shorts which had suffered greatly from the difficult to direct bidet stream i'd been trying to recreate.

What a nightmare....assess your options carefully for part 2.


lol. And someone else who has to do the 6am swimming run. I feel your pain, but luckily haven't had to go through that scenario (yet).

Poll: Do you think Pert is key to all of this?

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 14:09 - Nov 9 with 2554 viewsGavTWTD

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:15 - Nov 9 by dirtyboy

Want to hear something disgusting?

Last week I was at the swimming pool watching the kids (my own obvs...wasn't some sort of disguised pedo reconnaissance) anyway, I deseprately needed to squeeze one out, I was at the point where a few feint rumblings had turned into small intermittent gas leakages that if not attended to quickly, would lead to a widespread collaboration between sets of parents as to who the perpetrator was.

So I dashed to the nearest twalette and it was engaged. Not deterred, I knew there was another relief bowl across the other side of the centre, so off I trot with a little more urgency.

I open the door, darkeness...pefect...nobody in here...the auto lights come on just as i'd fumbled into the only cubical in that toilet.

Like any opportunity where a public toilet is known to be empty, I emptied with great satisfaction, the echoes from the bowl were reminicent of my time atop an active volcano in Lanzarote and I'm grateful nobody was present, because it wasn't one of those that you could 'eek' out in stages with impeccable bowel control, this was a heard of buffalo and ain't nothing stopping that stampede.

Anyway, as we all know, that relief is a great feeling, but that great feeling turned to horror when I realised the paper was empty.

No phone, can't call for help. Remote part of the centre, highly unlikely to be anyone else in here at just gone 6 in the morning and regardless, there's no adjacent cubicle to politely ask for a pass along.

Mild panic sets in, but i'm stuck. I have absolutely no choice, I flushed the toilet....looked at my hand, was grateful my fingernails were impeccably short and reached for a scoop around.

I'm simultaneously flushing the toilet, wincing at my own actions and trying desperately to use the flush as some sort of adhoc biday and in the main, it was quite successful.

Inevitably however, I'm presented with a hand covered in more than I would care to experience.

I spend the next 10 minutes scrubbing my hands, clean...phew.

I then dive out of that toilet, across the corridoor into the disabled toilet to grab some loo paper to dry my wet bum and a further 10 minutes drying my shorts which had suffered greatly from the difficult to direct bidet stream i'd been trying to recreate.

What a nightmare....assess your options carefully for part 2.


So, you dropped the kids off at the pool, then dropped your kids off at the pool?

If you liked my post, please take the time to upvote it. It's very much appreciated.
Poll: Will you watch the Championship Play-Off Final?
Blog: Man v Fat Football - A Personal Blog

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That moment when........... (part 1) on 14:35 - Nov 9 with 2514 viewsdirtyboy

That moment when........... (part 1) on 14:04 - Nov 9 by Swansea_Blue

lol. And someone else who has to do the 6am swimming run. I feel your pain, but luckily haven't had to go through that scenario (yet).


Yours at TeamIpswich?
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That moment when........... (part 1) on 18:05 - Nov 9 with 2408 viewsJordy

That moment when........... (part 1) on 13:34 - Nov 9 by FrimleyBlue

That Moment When..........

You've waited all day to go have bloody good sht, you take your place, you prepare yourself and wallah, the cubicle doors open next to you.

2 options
1, hold on, in pain as you know it's gonna make a bloody good noise
2, let it go, and pray to god the guy next to you finishes before you so he doesn't see who it was who pretty much just let out a rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody on the drums.


Let it go, stuff whoever has just entered as no doubt you’ll hold it in and they’ll let rip, you’ll temporarily lose the urge and have to endure their stench, get your retaliation in first!

Nothing better than letting rip and getting the ‘Yes mate’ like a nod of appreciation from another cubicle.
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That moment when........... (part 1) on 19:00 - Nov 9 with 2361 viewsBluespeed225

That moment when........... (part 1) on 09:15 - Nov 9 by dirtyboy

Want to hear something disgusting?

Last week I was at the swimming pool watching the kids (my own obvs...wasn't some sort of disguised pedo reconnaissance) anyway, I deseprately needed to squeeze one out, I was at the point where a few feint rumblings had turned into small intermittent gas leakages that if not attended to quickly, would lead to a widespread collaboration between sets of parents as to who the perpetrator was.

So I dashed to the nearest twalette and it was engaged. Not deterred, I knew there was another relief bowl across the other side of the centre, so off I trot with a little more urgency.

I open the door, darkeness...pefect...nobody in here...the auto lights come on just as i'd fumbled into the only cubical in that toilet.

Like any opportunity where a public toilet is known to be empty, I emptied with great satisfaction, the echoes from the bowl were reminicent of my time atop an active volcano in Lanzarote and I'm grateful nobody was present, because it wasn't one of those that you could 'eek' out in stages with impeccable bowel control, this was a heard of buffalo and ain't nothing stopping that stampede.

Anyway, as we all know, that relief is a great feeling, but that great feeling turned to horror when I realised the paper was empty.

No phone, can't call for help. Remote part of the centre, highly unlikely to be anyone else in here at just gone 6 in the morning and regardless, there's no adjacent cubicle to politely ask for a pass along.

Mild panic sets in, but i'm stuck. I have absolutely no choice, I flushed the toilet....looked at my hand, was grateful my fingernails were impeccably short and reached for a scoop around.

I'm simultaneously flushing the toilet, wincing at my own actions and trying desperately to use the flush as some sort of adhoc biday and in the main, it was quite successful.

Inevitably however, I'm presented with a hand covered in more than I would care to experience.

I spend the next 10 minutes scrubbing my hands, clean...phew.

I then dive out of that toilet, across the corridoor into the disabled toilet to grab some loo paper to dry my wet bum and a further 10 minutes drying my shorts which had suffered greatly from the difficult to direct bidet stream i'd been trying to recreate.

What a nightmare....assess your options carefully for part 2.


and the award goes to....
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