| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling 00:26 - Apr 29 with 9220 views | Bluefish |
I lost a friend today and it hurts so much. My friend was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2011 and given 18 months to live but he defied the odds and was going strong till now. He lives a long way from me but I visit through work quite a bit and we go for a curry and a drink, I have a hotel booked to take him out this Wednesday. He is honestly the nicest man that I have ever met in my life and leaves behind 2 young children that he had just before the diagnosis. I knew this day would come but having gone this far it seemed that he would now last forever. It hurts so much!
I am sorry that this is selfish but I needed to share the words I can't stop crying and he is all i think about when I close my eyes.
Life is f*cking horrible sometimes. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 00:39 - Apr 29 with 5864 views | gainsboroughblue |
So so sorry to read this. It is not selfish, have been there and it hurts like hell.
If it's any comfort, this forum for all its squabbles now and again, has some of the finest people on it when it comes to stuff like this.
I'm always happy to chat over a PM.
Stay strong and thoughts with you and friend's family. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 01:04 - Apr 29 with 5819 views | Darth_Koont |
Very sorry to hear that. He sounds like a great friend.
And no need to apologise. Thanks for sharing. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 01:26 - Apr 29 with 5776 views | pointofblue |
I’m so sorry to hear of you friend’s passing. It is never easy, even when it is expected to an extent. The best thing is to try and think of the good times you had together and accept he is no longer in any pain from the tumour though I understand that’s very much a case of easier said than done. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 03:52 - Apr 29 with 5715 views | SE1blue |
Very sorry to hear this.
The amount you are hurting shows how great he was and how lucky you were to know him. I’m sure he felt the same way about you. As sad as you feel, look for the good that came from your friendship.
Don’t apologise and don’t stop talking to people about how you feel. Events like this throw us of kilter and we need family and friends to get us back to being us.
Just a suggestion, but when things have settled down again and if you have some spare money, try to buy something that’ll always remind you of him...like a painting, a tree for your garden, something that would’ve made him laugh. It helps to be a positive memory when times are tough.
And don’t forget to look after yourself now. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 04:53 - Apr 29 with 5673 views | Benters2 |
Sorry to hear about your friend mate.
Life is horrible at times,as you probably know my mum passed away last August after a long battle with Cancer.
We just learn to live with things like that it’s not about getting over it either,you just learn to get used to the fact they are no longer here.
But they are always with you in your heart.
Stay strong. | | | |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 06:15 - Apr 29 with 5621 views | m14_blue |
Sorry to hear that, awful news. | | | |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 07:01 - Apr 29 with 5509 views | TractorCam |
Sorry to hear this mate, thoughts are with you at this upsetting time. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 07:09 - Apr 29 with 5484 views | Bluefish |
Thanks everyone for the kind words thoughts. Spent a lot of the night going over happy memories. I was lucky to have had him in my life. | |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 07:33 - Apr 29 with 5424 views | SaleAway |
So sorry tohear of your friends passing.... this was posted on Reddit a few years back - the best words on grief I ever read:
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. | |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 07:50 - Apr 29 with 5368 views | dissboy2 |
so sorry to hear this. Online words can't hack it, but send you and his family very best wishes. | | | |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 08:00 - Apr 29 with 5334 views | Steve_M |
Very sorry Fishers and it's definitely not selfish to share it here. As per your other post, about the best thing you can do is think back to happier times as well as feeling sad and support his family however you can. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 08:26 - Apr 29 with 5273 views | itfcjoe |
Sorry to hear this, not much anyone can say to help sadly and time will be the only thing that does. Stay strong and try and help anyone else who is also struggling with it |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 08:40 - Apr 29 with 5228 views | Whymarkmariner |
Please believe me, time does heal. But you never forget. Myself and my wife both lost our Mother's at an early age. My Mum was 50. I was adopted by that dear lady, sadly she wasn't well all my life. Did I hear her complain, not once. She had friends who adored her and despite her illness took part in raising money for causes and playing the organ in the local chapel. My wife's Mother died of cancer at 49 and she was only 14 at the time. But this isn't about me, it's about you. Keep your chin up and in time you will remember your friend with fondness. Pass on my condolences to your friends family. | | | |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 09:03 - Apr 29 with 5157 views | ITFC_Forever |
Of course it's not selfish to share this with us.... for all the squabbling that goes on on TWTD, we all stick together in times like these.
I'll never forget the support you and everyone on here gave me 16 months ago, and if there's anything we can do, you only need to ask.
It is very difficult to think of returning to normal and nothing is ever quite the same.... with my brother, he's always in my thoughts, and sometimes it'll take something daft to bring him right to the front. I don't do it so much now, but to begin with, the number of times I picked up the phone to text him or tag him in something on Facebook was painful. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 09:04 - Apr 29 with 5150 views | PJH |
Sorry to read that.
It is actually eight years ago today that my best friend of about 40 years died suddenly from a brain haemorrhage.
We were so close that we knew what eachother was thinking at any given time, something would happen and we would just look at eachother and grin because we knew what the others thoughts were.
He was a very nice popular bloke and had only been married for the second time less than two years and he and his wife,who we still see frequently, were so happy.
I still miss him so much-as you say, life can be so cruel. |  | | |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 09:14 - Apr 29 with 5112 views | LeighOnSeaBlue |
Sorry for your loss fella. Its good for you to share your feelings as keeping them in would be worse |  | | |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 10:18 - Apr 29 with 4989 views | J2BLUE |
No apology necessary. Sorry for your loss. |  |
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| Fishers dear chap on 10:25 - Apr 29 with 4982 views | Dyland |
Not a selfish post at all. The good thing about this forum is how relative strangers can post personal things and know they'll get some virtual support through the ether. Blokes especially are traditionally reticent about doing this, and it's fooking important not to bottle emotions up. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and truly empathise with you. Take care. |  |
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| That's a very, very powerful analogy (n/t) on 10:30 - Apr 29 with 4935 views | Dyland |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 07:33 - Apr 29 by SaleAway |
So sorry tohear of your friends passing.... this was posted on Reddit a few years back - the best words on grief I ever read:
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 10:36 - Apr 29 with 4918 views | DebsyAngel |
So sorry for your loss. RIP to your friend. You let your feelings out and hope your pain lessens in time. There is no shame in doing that. Hugs to you xx |  | | |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 11:34 - Apr 29 with 4823 views | bluelagos |
No need to apologise. Sh1t news for all who knew your friend. She'd some tears, support those who need it and try when you can to remember the good times you shared... |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 11:44 - Apr 29 with 4781 views | usm |
Sorry to hear that news. Life's a sh1t sometime.
Try to remember the good times and dont stop sharing your feelings and thoughts. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 11:48 - Apr 29 with 4773 views | Mach_foreignBlue |
My deepest condolences Bluefish. |  | | |
| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 12:03 - Apr 29 with 4727 views | BiGDonnie |
A problem shared is a problem halved. No need for the apology.
Life's not fair, I find the only thing that helps in times like this is time, it will get better. |  |
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| I need somewhere to share this because I am struggling on 13:08 - Apr 29 with 4623 views | Guthrum |
Sorry to hear that, Fishers, very sad.
Small comfort, I know, but at least he got those extra years and the chance for that time with his children.
Never need to apologise for posting something like that. |  |
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