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The Warky Report: End of season Blues (h) 21:30 - May 21 with 941 viewsWarkystache

These are the days. Lighter evenings, pub gardens, abandoned pint glasses with half-drowned wasps in them, the optimism of a pub 'Bar-b-Cue' where the sauce comes in plastic bottles and the meat comes from the bits of a cow you'd rather not know. Little flies whirring in groups in the air, the threat of a shower, the cricket scores, a fat bloke revealing his unwise tattoos in sleeveless vest and garish beach shorts, his fake Gucci flip-flops squelching and plapping as he returns to the bar for more lager.

These are the days. Even the incongruous sight of Tel sipping a glass of crap rose-blush wine, sat out on the slightly damp and slowly rotting pub bench, the bottle placed in a metal wine cooler in an attempt to humour him by the landlord ("I ain't drinkin' that warm" he said as we ordered and no cooler was proffered. With a shrug, Jamie the landlord had a quick root below the counter, and, with a 'Eureka' expression, produced a dusty metal urn which he ran under the tap and then started to fill, clunkingly, with ice. It looked as much like a wine cooler as a spittoon does. Or a pisspot).

He's 'discovered' rose wine. Sorry, I thought the little accent on the 'e' would happen automatically. It's not made of roses. It looks like Tizer used to when I was a nipper. It tastes a bit like it as well. Having forsaken lager following a nasty blood pressure test in April, which he was outraged by ("Me wiv 'igh blood presha? Their tester must've been faul'ee. Never felt better") and being patiently told by his GP about eight hundred times that he wouldn't necessarily feel bad with high blood pressure, he's now revisiting his diet with the exaggerated care of an anal retentive.

Gone are the bacon baps in the morning. He now buys those ready pots of porridge you add hot water to. The shop smells bewitchingly of apple and cinnamon, until he belches, when it smells of appley off milk. He's belching a lot more. He eats two Ryvita with Philadelphia and grapes for lunch. He's even got a little tupperware lunchbox he was keeping in the new milk fridge, until some old girl tried to buy it one morning.

He's lost weight. One of his old shirts hangs off him like a student's washing. Trips to the pub, once a joy, are now punctuated by the fear that someone you know will come in and clock you sat with the bloke drinking pink wine. "Luvly stuff yerknaa" he constantly informs you as he slurps another glassful. "Drank this when we was in Spain lars time; went darn a treat". Spain, for all its alfresco lifestyles and genuine heat, is a bit of a culture change from a breezy beer garden in Dovercourt. Still, he seems happy enough.

The shop continues, much like 'Gone with the Wind' without the benefit of an intermission, the ice-cream girl waving her torch in the aisle. The new milk fridge, a necessity when the old one headed south following a botched repair job by Tel, which included the use of his swiss army knife, a hammer and a pair of secateurs, to what purpose unknown, is the chiller equivalent of the Arctic. Twice I've bought a two-pinter of milk off him, and twice I've had to break the ice on the top. "Don't need turnin' darn, don' be daft, it should be that cold, said so in the manual" he interjected when I gently questioned whether it needed to be on that high. He can't find the manual now.

Still, it'll be a nouveau trick in time for the summer. Most shops sell ice lollies; I bet he'll be the only one doing ice ham rolls.

We won a game, amidst all this. Against Leeds. Their near 4000 supporters seemed in such high spirits when they arrived, as well. Since then, they've also exited the play-offs, having held the final in the palm of their hands. I love the play-offs when we're not involved. I'm not that keen on them when we are. We've also released a few players, mainly ones you forgot were still here. A couple of dead-eye strikers would be nice. And someone in midfield who can do the nasty stuff. Otherwise, we look OK. I'm a bit wary of too much optimism at this stage. Sadly, I still remember going OTT about Hurst.

I'll be back soon. Dunno when, where or why. Something'll happen.

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The Warky Report: End of season Blues (h) on 22:03 - May 21 with 865 viewsFtnfwest

The flip flops struck a chord! I’ll be down at the coast this weekend for all the beer in beer garden stuff weather permitting. Although it’s ‘over the big border’ in sheringham. Hope the book and everything else is progressing.
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The Warky Report: End of season Blues (h) on 22:07 - May 21 with 861 viewsEdmundo

I feel like Tel needs to be brought out like an old pro at half time next season: can we ask Marcus?

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Blog: Blue Sky Thinking

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