| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? 17:07 - Mar 27 with 3498 views | NBVJohn |
I’m having a nightmare with my parents, who unbelievably completed a house move last Monday, very much against my advice. My Dad is 84, my Mum is 78.
My Mum received her letter today informing her that she is on the at risk list, but cannot grasp the concept that no one should go into the house - including me. I have reluctantly agreed that I will do one or two critical things tomorrow morning, provided they stay in the bedroom whilst I am there and don’t make me a cup of tea etc. but I keep getting this tacit emotional pressure to do more trivial stuff and some DIY. I keep telling her that it’s a really bad idea and that she can’t get ‘a man’ in to do it for her either ( I suspect and hope that no one would accept the job).
I’ve got some half decent PPE, but whilst they understand the measures they don’t seem to grasp that COVID is no respecter of convenience.
I’ve sorted them out with Sainsbury’s deliveries already and also did shopping that I left outside the door, and I’ve had to be really firm on the abundant ‘’ can you just nip to the shop when you’re passing’’ calls.
I’m standing strong on what I will and won’t do and why, but is anyone having similar difficulties, and if so how are you dealing with them? I feel terrible, I’d never forgive myself if something happened. |  | | |  |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 17:26 - Mar 27 with 3434 views | bluelagos |
It's really hard for old people. Many don't understand the dangers and they find the uncertainty incredibly upsetting / unsettling.
My old man - keeps wandering into my sisters house - they have an annex for him - and they keep warding him off, but he is bored sh1tless.
There are lots of groups springing up offering shopping and importantly, phone calls. If you can relieve the boredom, they are far less likely to pop to the shops. That said, the queues outside may put them off if they see them. |  |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 17:39 - Mar 27 with 3397 views | soupytwist |
My wife spoke to her mother yesterday. Her mother told of how their new neighbours next door had spoken to her yesterday morning saying that the local supermarket was supposed to be getting a delivery in that would include toilet roll. Neighbour was intending to go and get some so asked mother in law if they wanted any. Apparently mother in law said yes because she didn’t want to appear un-neighbourly. This is despite the fact that mother in law has enough loo roll in the house to last until Christmas. They don’t normally have that much in the house. At this time of year their stock would normally only be enough to last until the clocks go back.
WTAF? |  | | |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 21:42 - Mar 27 with 3152 views | DebsyAngel |
I am having troubles here too. My Mum (who is 70 and in good health) thinks its ok to post a letter up the road, and visit the new refurbished Co-op near to her. I said she is NOT allowed to do this. My Dad is 78 and in bad health with COPD and asthma and heart problems.
I was horrified to hear when she phoned me earlier that Dad was going mad in the house and riding round the car park outside the back of the houses where they live on his bike to get exercise. I was trying to get my point across that this was NOT allowed. He can go in the garden and into his shed etc, that is fine.
They hadn't received the letter when I last asked about it on Wednesday.
They aren't getting shopping (as far as I know) as another family member is doing that for them (and they have 2 other neighbours happy to help them too), I just hope they aren't bending the truth with me.
I am already in bits at not seeing them, but hearing this is doing nothing for my anxiety. |  | | |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 21:49 - Mar 27 with 3137 views | giant_stow |
Yes the same here still. Spoke to my mum earlier and she suggestrd a walk on sunday and sounded disappointed when i tried to put her off. She's also having two men round to tend to her garden on monday, which could obviously wait. Won't be told and thinks the world's gone mad, while im reading stories of over 65s maybe being denied ventilation if hospitals get too busy. [Post edited 27 Mar 2020 21:49]
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 21:52 - Mar 27 with 3117 views | Lord_Lucan |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 21:49 - Mar 27 by giant_stow |
Yes the same here still. Spoke to my mum earlier and she suggestrd a walk on sunday and sounded disappointed when i tried to put her off. She's also having two men round to tend to her garden on monday, which could obviously wait. Won't be told and thinks the world's gone mad, while im reading stories of over 65s maybe being denied ventilation if hospitals get too busy. [Post edited 27 Mar 2020 21:49]
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.............................No, I just can't do it. |  |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 21:56 - Mar 27 with 3100 views | giant_stow |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 21:52 - Mar 27 by Lord_Lucan |
.............................No, I just can't do it. |
Go on, its me being silly... Br my guest!
Edit: link on the subject: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-51938536 [Post edited 27 Mar 2020 22:00]
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:14 - Mar 27 with 3044 views | Lord_Lucan |
I can't stop thinking about the two men tending to your mums garden. | |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:20 - Mar 27 with 3027 views | giant_stow |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:14 - Mar 27 by Lord_Lucan |
I can't stop thinking about the two men tending to your mums garden. |
They're big strong lads apparently, but always take their boots before going indoors. | |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:28 - Mar 27 with 3004 views | Ely_Blue |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 21:49 - Mar 27 by giant_stow |
Yes the same here still. Spoke to my mum earlier and she suggestrd a walk on sunday and sounded disappointed when i tried to put her off. She's also having two men round to tend to her garden on monday, which could obviously wait. Won't be told and thinks the world's gone mad, while im reading stories of over 65s maybe being denied ventilation if hospitals get too busy. [Post edited 27 Mar 2020 21:49]
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FFS
I don’t know what’s worse, your mum for thinking it’s ok to have 2nmen round to do the garden or the 2 men for not saying no.
Why can’t people just get it, the more people we have unnecessary contact with the more people we are killing.
To all the others in this thread you MUST get tough with your parents, if you upset them by telling them the cold hard facts then that’s what it takes. Better they don’t see anyone mow for a few weeks than to never see them again |  |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:30 - Mar 27 with 3002 views | Pinewoodblue |
It isn’t just the oldens. Had a phone call from company that treats the back lawn four times a year. They are coming Tuesday. Told them back gate will be open just push the invoice through the letter box.
The wife has been told by Spinal Injuries Association that as her injury point was at C level that her immune system is compromised. They have also said don’t expect a letter as the government experts changed their mind and decided not to include it the 1.5million.
She is shielding herself for the full 12 weeks SIA have recommended. I haven’t been out since last Sunday not wise to risk bringing it back with me if I go out.
[Post edited 27 Mar 2020 22:37]
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:39 - Mar 27 with 2970 views | Coastalblue |
My Mum was a pain to start with but seems to be fine now. It's been easier with the sun out as she can potter around in her garden before spending several hours playing solitaire on her laptop and binge watching box sets.
My other half however is going spare, it transpires her Dad who is up in Edinburgh has recently taken to getting the bus to Lidle every morning because that's when they have their offers on.
It's OK he doesn't have the virus, would know if he did and sucks a fisherman's friend on the journey to keep him safe. |  |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:41 - Mar 27 with 2957 views | giant_stow |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:28 - Mar 27 by Ely_Blue |
FFS
I don’t know what’s worse, your mum for thinking it’s ok to have 2nmen round to do the garden or the 2 men for not saying no.
Why can’t people just get it, the more people we have unnecessary contact with the more people we are killing.
To all the others in this thread you MUST get tough with your parents, if you upset them by telling them the cold hard facts then that’s what it takes. Better they don’t see anyone mow for a few weeks than to never see them again |
I share your exasperation at it mr, but shes her own woman - all i can do is gently persuade. [Post edited 27 Mar 2020 22:42]
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:44 - Mar 27 with 2948 views | WestStanderLaLaLa |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:28 - Mar 27 by Ely_Blue |
FFS
I don’t know what’s worse, your mum for thinking it’s ok to have 2nmen round to do the garden or the 2 men for not saying no.
Why can’t people just get it, the more people we have unnecessary contact with the more people we are killing.
To all the others in this thread you MUST get tough with your parents, if you upset them by telling them the cold hard facts then that’s what it takes. Better they don’t see anyone mow for a few weeks than to never see them again |
Talking of cold hard facts, do you still think testing NHS staff is a waste of time? |  |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 03:06 - Mar 28 with 2821 views | BlueBadger |
We've got an old lad on one of he wards who is really quite sick but keeps insisting on taking his oxygen off so he can go across the bay to help out the other old boys. My colleague tonight had to issue a bit of a boll0cking. |  |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 06:52 - Mar 28 with 2729 views | Churchman |
My dad is 92 and thought it all ‘a load of nonsense’, ‘I remember real hardship during the war, saw the house opposite blown up, Dornier shot down over the docks’ etc etc etc ....zzzz. Right until he went to the supermarket just over a week ago and found nothing in it. Add in not much in his house and the penny dropped. Hurrah for realisation, Hurroo for potential food shortage and only two bog rolls.
He managed to get some basic supplies Saturday and I visited last weekend with a load more, so he has a minimum 3 or 4 weeks worth. Living in Waldringfield, he is pretty isolated which is a good thing regarding C-19 transmission and has a good ‘local support network’, neighbours enquire after him and he has a list of time slots at the supermarkets. Even the local pub will deliver something to eat if he needs it so he is well sorted.
I guess loneliness is the biggest issue (my sister and I normally do alternate weekends), but at least he knows why. [Post edited 28 Mar 2020 7:14]
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 07:05 - Mar 28 with 2712 views | IPS_wich |
Yup - Mum and step-dad in Woodbridge, both in their 70s. Can't stand Boris and refuse to do anything he tells them to do. They're walking daily into the town centre and down to the river because "There's no danger if we don't touch anything and since when has a walk in fresh air ever been dangerous".
Me: "Did you keep at least a 1.5m from others?"
Mum: "Most of the time, but the path by the river is quite narrow and you have to get a lot closer to others when they come the other way."
Me: "Why don't you walk somewhere with a wider path?"
Mum: "There isn't one that goes along the river with the nice views."
Me: "Is your will up to date..."
Mum: "Don't be so bloody rude." | | | |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 07:12 - Mar 28 with 2698 views | Ely_Blue |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 07:05 - Mar 28 by IPS_wich |
Yup - Mum and step-dad in Woodbridge, both in their 70s. Can't stand Boris and refuse to do anything he tells them to do. They're walking daily into the town centre and down to the river because "There's no danger if we don't touch anything and since when has a walk in fresh air ever been dangerous".
Me: "Did you keep at least a 1.5m from others?"
Mum: "Most of the time, but the path by the river is quite narrow and you have to get a lot closer to others when they come the other way."
Me: "Why don't you walk somewhere with a wider path?"
Mum: "There isn't one that goes along the river with the nice views."
Me: "Is your will up to date..."
Mum: "Don't be so bloody rude." |
I had a couple of similar blunt conversations with my mum and her friends too
Mine were more to do with the fact that as we’d lost my dad a year ago I wasn’t wanting to lose her.
The one with all her very close friends (mostly over 70) who always meet in the pub on a certain afternoon in the week and have done for years, they were still meeting even after the recommendations not to go to the pub/socialise in groups etc, so I reminded them all of exactly what they were sat in that pub talking about and drinking in memory of a year ago and was it really something they wanted to go through again if they could do something about it | |
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| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 08:54 - Mar 28 with 2533 views | NBVJohn |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 22:28 - Mar 27 by Ely_Blue |
FFS
I don’t know what’s worse, your mum for thinking it’s ok to have 2nmen round to do the garden or the 2 men for not saying no.
Why can’t people just get it, the more people we have unnecessary contact with the more people we are killing.
To all the others in this thread you MUST get tough with your parents, if you upset them by telling them the cold hard facts then that’s what it takes. Better they don’t see anyone mow for a few weeks than to never see them again |
The ‘I want to be able to see you again in 3 months’ stance is pretty much the line I have taken, but as they have now moved into a retirement community I really don’t trust them not to invite other residents in to do the jobs I have refused to do. I have been very clear that they shouldn’t!
The thing I find strange is that they appear to understand the severity of the situation, but can’t overcome the inconvenience.
Thank you to those who responded - I get the feeling that this is a fairly common worry amongst us! | | | |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 09:54 - Mar 28 with 2447 views | r2d2 |
My mum is 76 and doesnt grasp it at all. Although the other day she said, Prince Charles has got it, l said yes. She said, just goes to show you, if he can get it then anyone can. Me and my other half just said, god help us! |  | | |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 09:57 - Mar 28 with 2440 views | jimmyvet |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 07:05 - Mar 28 by IPS_wich |
Yup - Mum and step-dad in Woodbridge, both in their 70s. Can't stand Boris and refuse to do anything he tells them to do. They're walking daily into the town centre and down to the river because "There's no danger if we don't touch anything and since when has a walk in fresh air ever been dangerous".
Me: "Did you keep at least a 1.5m from others?"
Mum: "Most of the time, but the path by the river is quite narrow and you have to get a lot closer to others when they come the other way."
Me: "Why don't you walk somewhere with a wider path?"
Mum: "There isn't one that goes along the river with the nice views."
Me: "Is your will up to date..."
Mum: "Don't be so bloody rude." |
Have you told your parents bluntly they are being bloody selfish ! They could end up needing a bed that could have been for somebody else because they are not taking scientific advice. You really do need to lay the law down to them because if all our parents acted this way the NHS will be in complete meltdown. | | | |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 11:03 - Mar 28 with 2369 views | Radlett_blue |
| Anyone else having problems convincing elderly parents? on 09:57 - Mar 28 by jimmyvet |
Have you told your parents bluntly they are being bloody selfish ! They could end up needing a bed that could have been for somebody else because they are not taking scientific advice. You really do need to lay the law down to them because if all our parents acted this way the NHS will be in complete meltdown. |
We've been down this route as well with my 86 years old mother in law. Currently in good health but she breaks many of the rules, largely because she is bored out of her mind alone in her flat. She was a long term NHS operating theatre sister, but invoking the "selfish" line cuts no ice with her. |  |
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