| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) 14:04 - Apr 26 with 903 views | Warkystache |
Yesterday was yet another day spent locked down, in glorious technicolour, massaging a hangover and spitting out pieces of broken dreams like rust from a car crusher. Walkers took fat dogs for walks dressed in Bermuda shorts and sleeveless vests, accompanied by restless small children and fat, plaintive WAGS. The birds in the back garden preened and sunbathed.
I was born on 25th April 1974, in a small town in Essex, unremarkable, still there (albeit locked down and probably as dead today as it was back then; people still pointing at traffic in shocked bemusement and winters of discontent only affecting those with access to electricity). My mother remembers little from that day, only that it was 'warm and your dad brought me an Orange Maid lolly and a bottle of Corona cherryade to cool me down as I was feeling the heat on the ward'. I came into the world at 10pm that night, following a five hour labour. The Orange Maid was purchased from an ice cream van around the corner from the hospital. Ice cream vans in April. A different world.
My dad owned a Ford Anglia, which were decrepit even in 1974. We kept it until 1977 when he traded it in for an Austin Maxi just because said Austin had a roof rack and he had pretensions about holidays in Wales. Trouble was, the Maxi didn't like gradients, so we often ended up holidaying in North Norfolk instead, where at least we didn't have to push it as often as Snowdonia. Mind you, Cromer back then was like a time warp. Probably still is. I remember the Zoo on the hill because it was near our camping site. Nights in a tent listening to the lions roar and grumble were as close as I ever came to African safari.
Cromer was odd even by the strangeness of seaside towns in East Anglia. We'd previously stayed at guesthouses in Felixstowe and Southwold, where, prior to the gentrification from incoming Chelsea residents, the towns closed at 1pm daily and nothing except for the pubs was open on a Sunday. The pubs were refuges for husbands from nagging wives. Old retired Colonels sat sipping gin slings in the lounge and people with thick Sufferk accents who knew each other sat at the bar in their best cords and gulped pints of Broadside without it seemingly touching the sides.
But Cromer was all cheap sunglasses and the prevalent scent of fish'n'chips and old women with accents you could cut bread with out shopping in Allders with bags on wheels and grey-blue macs. The crab shops used to have queues outside and my father always bought dressed ones, denying me the delight of seeing inside a whole one because he didn't know which bits were the dead-man's fingers, so we'd often discard large amounts of decent brown meat as inedible. We used Mary Jane's as our Cromer chippy because the owner used to chuck in free wallies (Gherkins). You could smell Mary Jane's all over Cromer. We'd eat our wares overlooking the pier or walk up the footpath to the seats near the putting green. We walked loads in Cromer. We once walked from Cromer to Sheringham, only getting a bus back because I moaned about being tired. It was mostly sunny, but sometimes it peed down and we'd end up in the cinema or the church, whichever was open. I saw 'Back to the Future' twice at the cinema one year. It was that or something like 'Out of Africa'.
When I first got to know Terry, we compared experiences on UK holidays. He used to go to Clacton and Southend a lot, but once had a school trip to Sheringham ('took bleedin' days it did from Barkin' on a coach, no bogs on there and kids bein' sick on the journey'). He went on the steam railway ('din't go nowhere except to anuvver station froo some borin' countryside') and also went crabbing ('we 'ad to dig the bait up on the beach, these lugworms, an' then sat on the pier fishin' wiv these spools of nylon line. It was mind-nummin'. I caught loadsa little crabs but din't have a bucket to keep 'em in so I just chucked 'em back or shoved 'em darn gels tops'). We both agreed it was a generally good holiday but that the locals spoke funny and all knew each other well. 'Prob'ly related' said Tel with a wink.
Speaking of Tel, he came over on Friday to issue me with an invite to his for a steak supper tonight to celebrate my birthday. Unfortunately, he couldn't do it last night as he was working, but he's now due three days off so won't be back until Thursday next week. Now convinced I don't have Coronavirus, he talked the missus into it. I accepted with caution, not knowing how lockdown rules affected my decision, but he waved these aside with the entreaty 'We ain't gottit. You ain't eiver. The wife's disinfectin' the 'ouse wiv Dettol and Jeyes as we speak. We'll be fine". He's picking me up at six thirty. I'm walking home. I've bought more fags as she's partial, plus a bottle of Marks' champers and a cheesecake pud. Please don't judge me on this breaking of lockdown. I spent last night eating home-made curry and drinking champers, watching 'The Irishman' on Netflix and telling my mum I was fine when she rang to wish me a happy birthday. My dad dropped round bottles of decent Merlot and white wine and two shirts my mum ordered from Jacamo. They were gift-wrapped in Xmas wrapping paper but I let that pass.
46. It's another year nearer old age. I went for a walk yesterday, just up to Dedham and back, carrying four iced cans of San Miguel in a backpack and a cheese and tomato sarnie wrapped in cling film. I had visions of being stopped by the old bill for picnicking in the pandemic, but it never happened. I lobbed my crusts to the swans on the river and lay on the bank sipping my lager and marvelling at the eerie quietness of the A12. People walked dogs and eyed me as a ne'er do well, much like you eye those people who sit in town centres in favourable times drinking cans of White Lightening and badgering you for spare change. My hair is dishevelled, my clothes dusty and my mind absorbed in countryside views and the warmth of the spring sun on my face. That's a birthday present to remember.
I dropped the empty cans in the bin and went to the Co-op for another couple for the walk home. They were letting people come in gradually. Their signs on social distancing made me remember. The walk home was glorious in its solitude and heat and light and country. It beat previous birthdays on the lash with friends. The exercise made me glow and sweat modestly. Previous birthdays made me glower and sweat immodestly, in packed pubs and clubs. This was nature's way.
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| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 14:45 - Apr 26 with 842 views | StochesStotasBlewe |
Happy belated birthday Warky.
TWTD is always the richer for your musings. |  |
| We have no village green, or a shop.
It's very, very quiet.
I can walk to the pub. |
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| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 14:57 - Apr 26 with 826 views | Westover |
| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 14:45 - Apr 26 by StochesStotasBlewe |
Happy belated birthday Warky.
TWTD is always the richer for your musings. |
Same from me, wish I was 46 😩😠|  | | |
| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 15:28 - Apr 26 with 775 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Happy Birthday Warky y'ald fekkin hippy!! There's a lot to love about lockdown. Miss Slave is already asking about your night at Tel's....had to point out it hasn't happened yet |  |
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| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 16:30 - Apr 26 with 742 views | Ftnfwest |
Happy birthday sonny. Hope the evening goes well |  | | |
| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 17:06 - Apr 26 with 723 views | Warkystache |
Many thanks for the birthday wishes folks - just had a shower pre-Tel. I'll report on the outcome tomorrow Bankster, let your missus know that one's dedicated to her.
Regards
Warks | |
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| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 18:11 - Apr 26 with 687 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 17:06 - Apr 26 by Warkystache |
Many thanks for the birthday wishes folks - just had a shower pre-Tel. I'll report on the outcome tomorrow Bankster, let your missus know that one's dedicated to her.
Regards
Warks |
Hopefully the outcome is that you are cleaner than when you got in ! She will be thrilled....the smile on her little face!! | |
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| The Warky League One Report: Happy Birthday (H) on 18:51 - Apr 26 with 674 views | Ace_High1 |
Have a good night at Tel's Warkers. |  | | |
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