| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) 12:56 - Jun 28 with 963 views | Warkystache |
"One bleedin' week" said Tel. "Five days 'f'you wanna be exact". He was peeling the label off his Estrella bottle. I waited for the hours and minutes, but he couldn't be bothered thinking.
Time used to be his enemy when he had the shop. "Never 'ad a minit to meself, always summink 'app'nin' ter give us 'eadache". The label off, he started folding it absently. Then he rolled it into a sort of conical shape and poked it into the neck of his bottle. That'll be fun for the recycling people to extract. "Paula's bin in touch. Offered me a job in Bore'am at their branch, ware'ouse work. She wanted me drivers licence an' that. I told 'er I'd retired official like. Can't be bovvered drivin' all the way darn there jus' for some stackin' an' pickin' an' packin'". He brightened. "'Ere, that rhymed din't it? Poet an' ah don't knowwit". I offered him another beer and he nodded and put the empty one down.
How's Paula? I asked. He looked blank for a second and then recognition flooded back. "She's fine, still wiv Blake, still not pregnant, still workin'. As I say, she offered me a job but iss in Bore'am, which is darn the A12 near Chelmsford". I said I knew it well, having lived in Hatfield Peverel for many years since my birth. "Oh yeah" he said. "Too far though innit? I mean, that road's a nightmare at the best'o'times. An' warehousin'? I mean, iss 'ardly brain surgery, is it? Don' need the money that bad".
Since last Saturday, when he last appeared in these notes, he's been working. He went to Norwich on Tuesday and Dereham on Thursday. He's shadowing his replacement, Mike, next week. Mike's a former Hermes despatch driver who moved to Trimley before lockdown and wanted a job nearer home. "Thass a good'un!" said Tel. "Deliv'ry driver 'oo wants a job near 'ome. He'll be doin' more trips up norf than a Tory politician. Anyway, 'e's wiv me nex' week, just ter get the 'ang of it, though gawd knows 'ell probably knar more'n me. 'E's takin' the van as well. I'm picking 'im up Fursdy mornin' an' 'e'll drive me 'ome when we're back".
I asked after Mrs Tel. He made a face. "She's in a right old mood. Said ter me last week I need to make sure the van's clean before I give it ter Mike. The way she said it, you'd've fought I'd 'ad wild parties in it. There's nuffink in it that shoul'nt be there. I chuck everyfing out when I come 'ome. Stoopid cow she is at the moment". I asked, tentatively, but not delicately as Tel doesn't appreciate these nuances and doesn't really do diplomacy, whether they'd had a row. "Nah" he said, dismissively. "She's jus' got a cob on 'cos I'll be 'ome from the end'o' nex' week. Ruins 'er little 'ome alone fing. She's not social. She 'ates parties an' stuff. Strange 'cos she used ter love 'em when we were young".
She's apparently not having an affair. The thought made Tel choke on his beer, and the coughing fit made him turn red. "'Er?" he gasped when the paroxysm's died. "Christ! She don' do it wiv me! Not often anyway. Not after the hys'rectomy an' all the problems she's 'ad wiv 'er bits since. You'd fink any bloke 'aving that sort of fing'd want the odd bit of ow's-yer-farver now an' then? An' she don't like any o' that mouth-stuff, never 'as". Point proved, he sat back in the chair and eyed me with certainty. "Nah, you'd expect it from me, 'avin' an affair, wun't ya? Make sense if it was me. That wun't surprise anyone. But nah, even if I was tempted, like, I wouldn't. Too much 'assle organisin' it fer one fing. And you're never sure the bird wouldn't say summink to someone 'oo knows me".
I changed the subject, slightly put off my supper of fish pie, wondering if it'd be better to just have soup. The glimpse behind the curtains, prurient as it was, hadn't been a success. Tel finished his beer and reached for his keys. It was 7.30pm on Friday. We hadn't arranged a Saturday nighter, mainly because we'd arranged a celebration in the local for next Saturday night when Jamie reopens it after lockdown. "Save our money" said Tel. "It'll be a pricey one next Sat'dee. I fancy a Thai". I shuddered at images of mail-order and some woman saying "Me horny" and 'Love you long time" after the previous conversation, but he did mean Thai food. Food. It's the link between us. That and beer. And brandy. And betting.
He drove off, something rattling in the back of the van, not mechanical but as though something unsecured was rolling around. It was probably a statue or piece of garden furniture. It probably wasn't a dead Mrs Tel, wrapped in a length of old carpet. You never really know though.
And that would've been that for this week, save for a phone call I (unexpectedly) got on Saturday afternoon at three. The reception sounded like someone talking inside a crisp packet. I couldn't hear anything spoken, said so, and the caller hung up, only to call again a moment later. It was Tel. "Can y'ear me knar?" he screamed, causing me to physically wince away from the earpiece. Yes. "I''m in 'Ertfordsheer wiv Ray, we just delivered a set of rockery stones to some old bint 'oo wanted us ter set 'em up, cheek o' sum people. Ah told 'er, we're jus' the deliverers, she'd need a builder fer the settin' up. Reckon thass'a complaint. She kept goin' on abart bein' 85 and did we seriously expect 'er ter lift 'em? Tight as a gnat's chuff. Anyway..." here he spoke to Ray about which road he needed for the M25. "You there?" he said as he came back on. "Ah might come over for a quick beer later, if we can get on the M25 quick". Fine I said. "Nice one! Can't 'ave a Saturdy night wivout a beer wiv you. I'' drop Ray at 'ome an' come rand after".
He arrived just after 7pm. We sat drinking in my garden, despite the cooler evening weather, and watched the tail end of the Norwich game on BBC, Tel chortling as they defended deeper and deeper in extra time. "Goal 'ere in a mo" he said. Then he reached for his phone. "Choose a next goalscorer an' we'll have fifty on 'im wiv Ladbrokes. So I chose Martial. Only, as previously related, Tel's spelling is probably worse than dyslexia, and when he showed me his phone, he'd inadvertently lumped on Maguire. Maguire? I said, laughingly. "Oh bleedin' ell" said Tel, despondently.
16-1. Fifty quid. It's like magic. |  |
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| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) on 13:22 - Jun 28 with 877 views | Ace_High1 |
Brilliant as always, it is not a Sunday without your reports. About the only thing I miss from our season being cancelled.
And noticed the subtle check on Mr and Mrs T - I am still placing my money on there being a happy ending for you there. |  | | |
| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) on 13:33 - Jun 28 with 864 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) on 13:22 - Jun 28 by Ace_High1 |
Brilliant as always, it is not a Sunday without your reports. About the only thing I miss from our season being cancelled.
And noticed the subtle check on Mr and Mrs T - I am still placing my money on there being a happy ending for you there. |
No chance.
I'm more worried about her though. | |
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| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) on 13:49 - Jun 28 with 847 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) on 13:33 - Jun 28 by Warkystache |
No chance.
I'm more worried about her though. |
Miss Slave has instructed me to win 1k through gambling to have a guilt free spending spree.....pm any tips!
Great read as ever. |  |
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| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) on 16:30 - Jun 28 with 763 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) on 13:49 - Jun 28 by BanksterDebtSlave |
Miss Slave has instructed me to win 1k through gambling to have a guilt free spending spree.....pm any tips!
Great read as ever. |
You need Terry. Even when he doesn't mean to, he wins.
£2145 in our account. Christmas is looking good! | |
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| The Warky League 1 Report: Rolling & riding & slipping & sliding, it's magic (H) on 22:30 - Jun 28 with 643 views | NewcyBlue |
How’s Paula’s mum doing? |  |
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