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The Warky Lg 1 Report: Blackpool (A) 17:31 - Oct 11 with 515 viewsWarkystache

I've spent my ITFC vouchers! I bought a scarf and a wallet and a travel mug, all adorned with the ITFC badge in various textiles and designs. The shop was nearly empty yesterday. A few souls, armed with white envelopes stuffed with vouchers, stood and looked at the empty pitch from the upstairs window and then fingered the replica 1978 Cup Final shirt and the replica 1981 UEFA cup shirt and the replica 2000 Play-off shirt with the sort of longing you normally associate with dogs when the biccies appear.

The shop played 'Heroes' by Bowie and 'Better Days' by Springsteen in the background. Both missed the point. This was more 'Missing You' by Chris de Burgh, with a bit of Righteous Brothers lobbed in for good measure. I found my seat in SBRL. It was just behind a coverlet, sat forlorn, watching the seagulls on the pitch.

I hadn't meant to go to Ipswich yesterday, but then an old friend invited me for lunch in the town and I went, taking my vouchers with me as this would probably be the only chance I got before they expire in March 2021. In the end we had a nice-ish lunch and then I went home. The town was hectic and the shops seethed with people in winter coats, watching the skies with the same look St Anthony gave when Christ returned. It was wet, cold, miserable. I got back at 2.30pm and decided to watch the Blackpool game on Ifollow.

Tel and I met on Friday, thankfully alone this time, him in a better mood as a result. "Parky innit?" he said, his fleece and scarf hugged round him. We had a Chinese. The restaurant was nearly empty; a couple by the mock fireplace and another by the window. The bloke of the couple by the window looked familiar from the back, but then he turned round and I caught a glimpse of the face and no, didn't know him after all. Tel, thinking I was eyeing up his partner (who was reasonably attractive) gave a stage whisper "'Ere, don' make it obvious!" and then they both looked at me and I had to turn around so quickly I nearly gave myself whiplash.

Tel winked at the woman and mouthed an apology at the bloke. It was embarrassing. Luckily they both left shortly after, the bloke giving me his best Paddington hard stare as they passed our table. Tel eyed the woman's arse surreptitiously as she passed, unseen by her beau. Then he laughed and said "Yer dirty little sod" loudly, and the other couple looked at us. I could feel myself sinking in the chair. The Chinese waiter looked disapproving, but then it's difficult to say whether that was on behalf of his late-departed customers or his normal countenance.

The starters arrived with two beers, Tsing Tsao's in bottles, little tumblers on trays with napkins underneath. The crispy seaweed was saltier than the sea. I left it to Tel after a mouthful. He gleefully drained the bowl, commenting on my philistinism for not liking seaweed "Jus' cos iss diff'rent". I told him it was deep fried cabbage flavoured with MSG, but he scoffed and said "Nah, Chinkies don' mess abart wi' their food like that" all smug, so I refrained from arguing. The prawn toasts were overfried and the less said about the chicken skewers, the better.

The duck came, on a platter with steam wood baskets of pancakes and chopped cucumber and spring onions. We'd ordered a whole one. It was smashing. The Hoi Sin sauce seemed a measly little puddle in a saucer so we ordered another. They brought it eventually, albeit with a reluctance that bordered on defiance. Why Chinese waiters feel they must behave like this is beyond me. They're usually friendly.

We left after a brandy apiece and waited, sheltering from the rain for Mrs Tel to provide the lift home, in the take-away bit. They made us wear masks as we'd left the table. Tel muttered about "Cust'mer servis aint their strong point ternight" and said a firm but polite 'no' when they asked us if we wanted another brandy each.

Mrs Tel arrived. Now, either she was just very happy or she's been medicated with very liberal dosage for her depression, but it was like being picked up by Minnie Mouse. She was voluble in her gladness to see me, and we spent the journey discussing new curtains for their dining room, me answering in one-word affirmatives as she gushed on about these Neptune Green ones she'd seen with Sandy in Freeport last weekend. I looked sideways at Tel from the back seat a few times and he smiled tight-lipped and raised his eyes a few times back. I'm glad she's feeling better, but I think I prefer her depressed if this is the new norm.

She dropped me at my house, still rabbiting on in tones of insouciance, dominating the conversation, asking me in almost breathless wonder what I was doing tomorrow and reacting like I'd just goosed her when I replied. I was glad when she drove off. My ears were starting to ring. She waved and blew a kiss as they rounded the bend at the top of my road, and Tel made a grab for the steering wheel as they swerved near the kerb. Blimey. The peace felt like the end of the world.

They were busy yesterday. "Braintree Freeport with Tone, an' Sandy'n'the kids" said Tel. "Buyin' bleedin' curtains". 'Neptune Green?' I replied on the phone. "Look, don' start, alright? She's been on the ole 'appy pills since Tuesdy. She finks everyfings lovely. Iss like livin' wiv a Stepford Wife. She's even cooked me breakfast this mornin' and when was the larse time you 'eard 'er doin' that? Normally she'd 'ave told me to sod off an' do it meself. Thass where the shop came in 'andy, escape".

He rang off after arranging a pub meet for lunch on Tuesday. I'm off on Tuesday. Doctor's appointment. I've been feeling a bit depressed. Next week's notes'll probably be an endless paean of joy. I might not tell him I've been a bit depressed, just in case. I might just go for the original thing I booked it for, my slightly swollen left testicle. Less embarrassing.

Back to Blackpool. We had a spare weekend, so did they. Made sense to rearrange it. It made even more sense when a marauding Chambers hammered one from the edge of the box and their keeper grasped thin air as it pounded the back of the net. Then we took control, and the piss, and were two up with a goal their commentator thought was side-netting. Cue the depressed home commentary. I was thinking of offering them a couple of Mrs Tel's tablets when Bishop made it three.

The second half was less fun, as these games often are. We looked astonished to be winning 3-0 and retreated like a tortoise's head as a result. Blackpool got one back, a sloppy scrambled effort that we should have cleared long before. Then Edwards raced onto a Chambers cross-field ball and skinned their right back to make it four. Game over. I'd be worried if I was connected to Blackpool FC. We never got out of second gear. Didn't have to.

My efforts at cocktails have been improving. Last night, I attempted a gin sling. It was passable. I drank several, all slightly stronger than the last. Tonight it's roast lamb and red wine. Saint Emilion. I might try a Cosmopolitan as well. I've got Cranberry Juice and oranges and stuff. The lamb's cooking as I write.

Back for Accrington next Saturday. My third Ifollow match, only this one's free. If only everything in life was.

Poll: If we were guaranteed promotion next season, how would you celebrate?
Blog: [Blog] It's Time the Club Pushed On


The Warky Lg 1 Report: Blackpool (A) on 18:42 - Oct 11 with 419 viewsWestover

Good read as usual 👍 you said their commentator I think you can chose to have the Suffolk commentary if you want.
The Warky Lg 1 Report: Blackpool (A) on 18:59 - Oct 11 with 388 viewsEdwardStone

The Warky Lg 1 Report: Blackpool (A) on 18:42 - Oct 11 by Westover

Good read as usual 👍 you said their commentator I think you can chose to have the Suffolk commentary if you want.

Indeed you can have the joys of Brenner

Go to the settings bit bottom right hand corner of the screen, click on Audio and choose from Home or Away

I kinda liked listening to the MK Dons commentary last week, they made me laugh

Good report by the way Mr WalkysTache....

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