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I hope all is well. It certainly changes one's perspective on life in general. To read of the family in Oxford would have been less difficult before being a Dad.
Yeah it's a bitch isn't it. Personally, I found I did start to at least get used to that feeling though. If you're not a newish parent, apologies - your experience maybe different!
Has anyone ever looked at their own postings for last day or so? Oh my... so sorry. Was Ullaa
Absolute nightmare if you ask me. Sorry, but I can't do the Necwy bursting with love for my family approach. It's been nothing but hastle and hard work with very few benefits (yrs 1-3 aside) after 12 years in. Maybe it'll get better when they leave home and become financially independent!
The constant worry about them hurting themselves, not listening to you (my 4 year old) he's constantly trying to wind me up but not doing what I ask. I lose my rag with him often, not where would hurt him or anything but I lose my temper and shout at him.
Love him to bits though, he's fun, caring boy but knows how to press my buttons.
I have alot of things I have to improve as father, my Mrs is so calm and it puts me to shame.
I hope all is well. It certainly changes one's perspective on life in general. To read of the family in Oxford would have been less difficult before being a Dad.
They lived 2 miles up the road from me, apparently their house burnt down recently aswell. There was a go fund me set up that had hit 10k last I looked.
for me it wasn't from when the first was conceived, it was from long before that, knowing that the heart condition I was born with might be passed on. even before kids were thought about I had that worry..... thankfully both born healthy, and this was confirmed miles before they popped out by amazing doctors, and incredible equipment down at guys and st Thomas in London...
however, there is not a second go by in the day that I don't worry that they are safe, or should we go on that long drive incase theres an accident, what if I die and they are left alone. you get my drift
working shifts has trebled that worry, its just as i'm about to nod off after a nightshift where without any explanation by brain will go "oi text, imagine someone runs in the school and nicks them!" I mean seriously!
then you have the added, are they on that tablet too long, will they be bullied, what if they are the bully.... its fcking endless.
they talk about a mothers love, and of course that isn't in doubt, but we men get overlooked - and take on a hell of a lot on our shoulders if doing the parenting thing right.
you're not alone buddy. that's why I miss that 90mins of going to football to release that build up of "what the fcccck am I doing day to day" lol, had I not had the kids i'd probably never have even wanted Mick to leave either!!
The constant worry about them hurting themselves, not listening to you (my 4 year old) he's constantly trying to wind me up but not doing what I ask. I lose my rag with him often, not where would hurt him or anything but I lose my temper and shout at him.
Love him to bits though, he's fun, caring boy but knows how to press my buttons.
I have alot of things I have to improve as father, my Mrs is so calm and it puts me to shame.
I bet there are countless things you do that are brilliant for him tho, and she probably thinks you put her to shame.
call me a tw*t, because this sounds tw*tty and cheesey, but I always say to my missus that we are a team, 50/50, one not outdoing the other, but where I lack she picks up, and vice verse. if one was great at all parenting aspects they'd be terrified leaving the kid/s with the other.
The last couple of months have been hell. The stress has taken its toll on my body in ways I never realised it could. I had a serious lack of sleep for the last couple of weeks of September.
We are now working towards getting Michael away from tube feeding. He’s still got a tube going in his nose, down to his stomach. Every time I feed him I worry, am I doing it too quick? Too slow? When in reality, too quick and he vomits. Too slow and he gets grumpy.
Both he and his sister are slightly jaundiced.
I worried how Seb would react. His mum is a bit of tw@t and does manipulate him. He fell absolutely in love with his sister. I have a photo of him holding her, staring at her, with the biggest smile on her face.
Whilst I was away, he said he was worried he would be forgotten. I told him that would never happen. That we would still have Daddy and Sebby time.
I’m very lucky though. When Seb was born I did the night feeds, the nappy changes, etc. His mums laziness ended up helping. Seb is a wonderful kid. I don’t have to discipline him, which his mum doesn’t believe because she says he’s naughty for her. He genuinely isn’t for me.
Seb is easy. He’s 7. I got him involved with cooking, our breakfasts, dinners, etc. He’s all over that. He loved it.
Whilst everything right now is an absolute emotional rollercoaster, the twins are putting weight on, we are working towards Michael being breastfed not tube fed. He weighed 1.1kgs when he was born. That’s a bag of sugar basically. He’s 1.6 now.
Madeleine has a way of looking at me already that makes me want to cry with love.
I get through all of this because of MrsN. She makes me want to be the best man I can be. The best dad I can be. She and the three kids deserve my all. If I can’t give my all, I don’t deserve them.
I always felt it was perpetual low level anxiety for the 1st one, a sneeze and you rush her to the Doc's, a slight fall you rush her to the Doc's, but by the time the 4th one arrived she had to fall off the top of the house before even thinking of taking her to the Doc's.
Although I do think these days people are too protective, kids are more robust than a lot of people will accept.
Ultimately I passionately believe kids bring more positives than negatives and advocate have children, they certainly change your perspective on life.
I always felt it was perpetual low level anxiety for the 1st one, a sneeze and you rush her to the Doc's, a slight fall you rush her to the Doc's, but by the time the 4th one arrived she had to fall off the top of the house before even thinking of taking her to the Doc's.
Although I do think these days people are too protective, kids are more robust than a lot of people will accept.
Ultimately I passionately believe kids bring more positives than negatives and advocate have children, they certainly change your perspective on life.
MrsN worries I am too rough with Seb. When play fighting, soft play areas, etc.
Yep, we have 2 and a few mates are starting have their 3rd.....and I don't think I could cope with a 3rd as just not relaxed enough!
As texters said, I don't think it's even from when they are conceived - from way before then.....I'd had mumps when I was at uni and had the massively swollen boll0ck (singluar) afterwards so wasn't sure if it effected things, missus had same worries for no real reason so we just never committed to properly trying......then fell pregnant a few years into marriage and had a miscarriage.
It's all worth it in the end, but think until you go through it you don't realise how insensitive remarks about asking people when they are gonna have kids is and any pressure to do so.
Got two, wouldn't change it for the world, but you don't realise how easy life was pre kids, just going out the door is an effort, nursery fees are more expensive than a ST at the Emirates, and the worry when anything happens puts years on you.
But seeing the excitement in their eyes over those most mundane things is a sight and sound to behold, watching them grow is brilliant, and as I have two boys, I'm looking forward to when they take their old man to the pub and football when they're older!
I always felt it was perpetual low level anxiety for the 1st one, a sneeze and you rush her to the Doc's, a slight fall you rush her to the Doc's, but by the time the 4th one arrived she had to fall off the top of the house before even thinking of taking her to the Doc's.
Although I do think these days people are too protective, kids are more robust than a lot of people will accept.
Ultimately I passionately believe kids bring more positives than negatives and advocate have children, they certainly change your perspective on life.
My daughter is 20 months old, and we've recently found out we have another on the way. There isn't a second that goes by where I would change any of it. There's definitely sacrifices that have to be made, I had loads of spare time before and loved travel which is harder / very different now for example. But she's incredible, the absolute best thing that's ever happened to me and has changed my perspective on so many things. I can't describe the love I have for her.
But I do worry. I've never been much of a worrier before - new jobs, buying a house, even getting married, none of that phased me at all. But the health & wellbeing of a kid is a different level altogether, and the pressures it brings when you have a dependant. Perhaps its exacerbated by Covid pressures etc, but other than my wife (arguably) I didn't have to set an example to anyone previously, I think that's it.
Absolute nightmare if you ask me. Sorry, but I can't do the Necwy bursting with love for my family approach. It's been nothing but hastle and hard work with very few benefits (yrs 1-3 aside) after 12 years in. Maybe it'll get better when they leave home and become financially independent!
So your kids aren't teenagers yet? Oh dear.
Don't believe a word I say. I'm only kidding. Or am I?
Yep, we have 2 and a few mates are starting have their 3rd.....and I don't think I could cope with a 3rd as just not relaxed enough!
As texters said, I don't think it's even from when they are conceived - from way before then.....I'd had mumps when I was at uni and had the massively swollen boll0ck (singluar) afterwards so wasn't sure if it effected things, missus had same worries for no real reason so we just never committed to properly trying......then fell pregnant a few years into marriage and had a miscarriage.
It's all worth it in the end, but think until you go through it you don't realise how insensitive remarks about asking people when they are gonna have kids is and any pressure to do so.
We'll almost certainly stop at 2. I figure I have 2 arms and 2 hands so 3 isn't practical! Plus it limits car options :)
Totally agree re. your last point. I'm so sorry you and your partner had to go through what you did. I try and think that things happen for a reason, and had it not been for going through that you might not have your little one. I know that's easy for someone to say that's not been through anything like that though.
I've been more mindful of what I say to people, I was definitely guilty of it. Throw away comments like 'you'll be next' to those friends who don't have children etc, which I thought nothing of a few years back.
My daughter is 20 months old, and we've recently found out we have another on the way. There isn't a second that goes by where I would change any of it. There's definitely sacrifices that have to be made, I had loads of spare time before and loved travel which is harder / very different now for example. But she's incredible, the absolute best thing that's ever happened to me and has changed my perspective on so many things. I can't describe the love I have for her.
But I do worry. I've never been much of a worrier before - new jobs, buying a house, even getting married, none of that phased me at all. But the health & wellbeing of a kid is a different level altogether, and the pressures it brings when you have a dependant. Perhaps its exacerbated by Covid pressures etc, but other than my wife (arguably) I didn't have to set an example to anyone previously, I think that's it.
Congrats CB, my two are basically bang on 2 years apart which hopefully works well as they get older and yours won't be far off.
The worst days are when you have a hangover, and they still think you're brilliant and want to see you and play with you and you just can't - makes you feel like an absolute tw@t
MrsN worries I am too rough with Seb. When play fighting, soft play areas, etc.
I just say “he’s a kid, he will bounce!”
And they do bounce don't they
I get why people feel anxiety, this small thing comes into your life totally reliant upon you for everything and without you it dies which obviously leads to anxiety and that cannot fail to change anyone. It then becomes difficult I guess for some to break that anxiety as children grow-up
Having Children for me has always contained more positives than negatives and if I'm honest I cannot name one negative and hence its perfect. While I understand the anxiety all I can say is ..stop worrying they will be fine...
Absolute nightmare if you ask me. Sorry, but I can't do the Necwy bursting with love for my family approach. It's been nothing but hastle and hard work with very few benefits (yrs 1-3 aside) after 12 years in. Maybe it'll get better when they leave home and become financially independent!
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