Please log in or register. Registered visitors get fewer ads.
Forum index | Previous Thread | Next thread
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) 17:55 - Dec 27 with 1323 viewsWarkystache

Feast upon feast. That's what it felt like. Christmas Day evening spent with my parents, playing board games, drunk on excellent wine (my Dad is a member of Wheelers, the local wine deliverers, they used to be called Lay and Wheelers until Mr Lay was laid, quite literally, at rest in the 1990's). I became a living, breathing Hogarth caricature. Not the Rake. No lowly maid was up the duff as a result of my attentions. This was more Gin Lane. Without the gin. Although that was present as well.

I stayed the night after all, on the sofa bed, heaped with checked blankets and my old bed duvet, the browny-yellow piss stains a memory since they'd had it cleaned. I went to bed at 2am, following the last rubber of bridge I played with my father. Sounds pretentious, but it wasn't in the same league as Bond or the Raj. We played for ten pees. He beat me. He also beat me at Petanque, back in the days when we played on hot summer evenings at a long-gone pub in Monks Eleigh. The Bull. The 1980's. Steve Winwood singing 'Valerie' on the radio. Mum under the Coke shade on the wooden bench, watching, sipping her Britvic orange'n'lemonade because she was driving us home.

Dad remembered this as he counted his £1.60 winnings. I smiled at the memory. I was twelve. He'd lost to me in all mental agility games since. He took pride in this; the expensive education he'd paid for bestowed upon his only child. so that he could win at Trivial Pursuit and pub quizzes because he knew that Steve Norman was in Spandau Ballet, and that Homer wrote the Iliad. What else is education useful for in adulthood?

I left the comfy parental home on Boxing Day morning, promising to return much like Aragorn in those Tolkien books that everyone watched as films and never read because they bore, frankly. I had breakfast there first, a jovial post-Xmas feast of fried tomatoes, sausage, Burford Brown eggs and dad's bubble and squeak cakes, made from the cold leftover swede, brussels and roast spuds we couldn't finish the day before. Belching animatedly as I drove home, the house cold and not speaking to me, left forlornly celebrating a Yule of its own making in my absence.

Tel and Mrs Tel arrived at 3pm, just as the football on the telly was getting good. "Back again" said Tel with a smile. This'un'll be better though. We got snowballs and champers and brandy'n' beer". Dad gave me four bottles of a nice white burgundy, so I took those as well. I'd ordered the cab for 1am this time. They said it'd cost extra. I replied that I didn't mind. One thousand eight hundred quid untouched from the betting money. Even I doubted it'd be that much.

Mrs Tel drove us back. She smelled lovely. New perfume? I asked her. "Yeah, big bottle of Marc Jacobs and a big bottle of Chanel" she said, turning her neck so I could sniff it. It wasn't necessary. The whole car was impregnated with the scent. It was like driving with Penelope Pitstop.

We reached Chez Tel, him complaining about the neighbours. "Ad bleedin' fireworks last night, one of 'em at the back, about tennish they finished. Well, I loved it when they started, but that was 8'o'clock. By ten, it was geddin' like some trench in Flanders". He snorted derision. "Fand free empty rocket packets on the lawn this mornin'. Like bleedin' kids they are".

We went in, removing shoes, my chance to flash my new Xmas presents, socks with Munch's 'The Scream' as the pattern. "Oo got yer them then?" asked Tel, critically. My parents I said. "Very la-di-dah them" he said. But I think he was impressed. He later asked me if they were available online.

The first beer was welcome. I had a throat like a lime kiln. Too much Chanel in the car, and a slight hangover from the wine last night. It was a San Miguel. Tel's reverted back to his favourite. He liked Estrella for a while, but then he got pissed on it and it's been Miguel ever since. He showed me his Xmas presents from the wife. Alan Brazil's done well out of Xmas; another copy of his new tome. Tel said 'Greatest Ipswich striker ever' as though wanting a debate. I said I thought Crawford and Phillips might have been better, and Marcus Stewart, and Paul Mariner. "Mariner!" said Tel. "'E just set 'em up for Big Al". We agreed to disagree.

Mrs Tel reappeared. She looked like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. She'd combed her hair forward and put on a Givenchy singlet with a pair of black leggings. The singlet was quite tight. Her breasts looked like two Tesco carriers half-filled with sh*te in it.

Tel put on some light music. We had Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell, then When We Dance by Sting. It was low, easy listening stuff for conversation. Then suddenly the roof sounded like it had caved in, and Dolores O'Riordan had an Irish orgasm as Zombie started. "She's dead yer knar?" said Tel, hastening to the music centre to minimise the volume. I did know. Mrs Tel made a face. "Let me put one on, Terry" she requested. We then had 'Always the Sun' by The Stranglers, followed by Reasons to be Cheerful by a dulcet Ian Dury. All before the suds of the first beer had been reached.

We played cards with the background music seemingly ACDC's greatest hits. I'd changed a twenty into 50p's and pounds for this reason, earlier at Tesco. We started with Pontoon so Mrs Tel could join in. By the time we'd broken for a fag, she'd taken us to the cleaners.

We watched the King George highlights on the telly. We'd done Frodon as part of a triple bet, only because the name reminded Tel of Frodo in Lord of the Rings, one of his favourite modern films (he classes anything filmed since 1985 as 'modern'). "Got some bird on it though" he said, dismissively as they lined up. He'd put £20 on it to win though. We'd agreed £50 on Clan Des Obleaux. It came third. "Could've ridden it 'arder" was Tel's comment after. Still, four hundred quid was better than a kick in the nuts.

We were cheered after the racing, especially as Tel had £100 on Killer Clown at Kempton at 9-2. "Just fancid the name, like" he said, strangely bashful. I pressed him a bit on this. "OK, 'ad a tip" he admitted smilingly. I bowed at his feet. He pushed me away, laughing. "Don't start worsh'pin me for good luck" he said laughing. But he caught the sentiment and was very pleased by it.

The card school continued. We had to 'borrow' change from Mrs Tel. Poker. "Good noos is she dunno 'ow ter play that" said Tel. She went off for another fag, clutching my silver Zippo like it was a precious jewel. I'd bought a can of petrol and some flints for it in my leather holdall. Just in case.

The champers got opened. We drank two bottles between us. I'd told Tel about the offer on Taittinger in Tesco and he's bought two, plus one of their own brand Vintages. It went down smooth. Tel did his Roger Moore impression during the Taittinger. "We've 'ad me Connery. like. 'Ere's me Roger". It consisted of raising both eyebrows in a look of perma-surprise, like he'd been goosed on the sly. He then raised one eyebrow and sat forward. "Not a lot of people know that" he said in a sort of posh estimation of an Oxford accent.

I pointed out it was Michael Caine. "Oh". Then he said "Roger Moore din't 'ave any cashphrases did 'e?" I said the one about attempting re-entry. He laughed. "Moonraker" he said. Then he gave up.

Dinner. Cold gammon, cold turkey, pickles, fresh-fried chips and tempura prawns, something that looked like minced guts in a jar but which was actually red-hot chilli piccalilli. Hot it was as well. I feared for my poor bowels (rightly as it transpired - my arse puckered like a granny's lips kissing a grandchild this morning). We ate it merrily.

We had a dance after dinner, by now on the brandies, me drunk to hell as was Tel. Mrs Tel also showed me the empty Warnincks bottle, high on milk and alcohol like Dr Feelgood, and sugar. I surreptitiously rolled a joint in their kitchen and we went outside to christen this beauty. She came back laughing at everything. Tel looked pleased, unaware of my treachery. But it wasn't really. She's nearly fifty seven for crying out loud.

The cab came early at 12.45am, but by then we were onto Matt Monroe and I'd had it. I wished them a Merry Christmas again and we hugged and then I left, Tel waving me off from the road. If only every Boxing Day was like this. True, I'd've liked the football and, knowing him, Tel would've come for the Northampton game, despite his misgivings about the Town lately. But if this virus has taught me anything, it's that friendship and love and being with true friends is more important than a game of third tier footy in the wind and rain.

It's been a good Christmas after all. I'm glad it's over though. Back to reality, but temporarily back to life.

Poll: If we were guaranteed promotion next season, how would you celebrate?
Blog: [Blog] It's Time the Club Pushed On

16
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:03 - Dec 27 with 1288 viewsFtnfwest

Merry Xmas warky. Visions of Mrs tel doing the uma Thurman dance from PF now!
0
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:04 - Dec 27 with 1290 viewsJ2BLUE

Do you know what? I think reading these might actually be the high point of my life at the moment.

I haven't read it yet. I'm delaying the pleasure. Something to look forward to.

Truly impaired.
Poll: Will you buying a Super Blues membership?

1
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:11 - Dec 27 with 1271 viewsWarkystache

The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:04 - Dec 27 by J2BLUE

Do you know what? I think reading these might actually be the high point of my life at the moment.

I haven't read it yet. I'm delaying the pleasure. Something to look forward to.


FFS J2! I'm four fifth's through my first book. I need EdwardStone's advice for publishing. It contains Tel. Might serialise bits on here as a PM to you as you've always been kind about these.

Don't go without old mate. No need,

Poll: If we were guaranteed promotion next season, how would you celebrate?
Blog: [Blog] It's Time the Club Pushed On

1
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:18 - Dec 27 with 1250 viewsPendejo

Why is this even better without the football? Why? Why? Why?

Got a tingling sensation when Uma Thurman mentioned... Are you publishing the stuff not written here on Literotica? Err I'm told such a website exists by a friend you understand....

uberima fides
Poll: Start a new job tomorrow - which suit?

0
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:24 - Dec 27 with 1237 viewsWarkystache

The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:18 - Dec 27 by Pendejo

Why is this even better without the football? Why? Why? Why?

Got a tingling sensation when Uma Thurman mentioned... Are you publishing the stuff not written here on Literotica? Err I'm told such a website exists by a friend you understand....


Might do Jo. But I think it's time I published something "properly". Even if it's not Uma/Mrs Tel porn!!

Poll: If we were guaranteed promotion next season, how would you celebrate?
Blog: [Blog] It's Time the Club Pushed On

0
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 09:59 - Dec 28 with 877 viewsazuremerlangus

Nice one Warky - Merry Christmas to you.

Always a good read; Tel's impression of Roger Moore had me k-yacking away like Finbarr Saunders...

Poll: What type of manager will we get?

0
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 10:07 - Dec 28 with 867 viewsAce_High1

Wonderful x

How are the bowels after what sounds like a heavy few days of xmas parties!?
0
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 10:28 - Dec 28 with 849 viewshoppy

The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:11 - Dec 27 by Warkystache

FFS J2! I'm four fifth's through my first book. I need EdwardStone's advice for publishing. It contains Tel. Might serialise bits on here as a PM to you as you've always been kind about these.

Don't go without old mate. No need,


Will that service be by subscription only?

Poll: Which Which nickname for ITFC do you prefer? poll do you prefer?
Blog: Graphical Blog: I Feel the Need...

0
Login to get fewer ads

The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 10:59 - Dec 28 with 828 viewsThe_Romford_Blue

Just read all the Christmas Warky reports in one and, as usual, brilliant stuff. These reports genuinely are my favourite thing on TWTD.

Also nice to see somebody in the world backed Frodon for the KG!

Poll: Would we sell out our allocation for Wembley for a PJ Trophy final?

0
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 12:08 - Dec 29 with 656 viewsBanksterDebtSlave

The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 18:11 - Dec 27 by Warkystache

FFS J2! I'm four fifth's through my first book. I need EdwardStone's advice for publishing. It contains Tel. Might serialise bits on here as a PM to you as you've always been kind about these.

Don't go without old mate. No need,


Miss Slave says to crack on with the audio version which must include 'unbidden' and 'incredulous.'

"They break our legs and tell us to be grateful when they offer us crutches."
Poll: If the choice is Moore or no more.

0
The Warky League 1 Report: Boxing Day (A) on 13:17 - Dec 29 with 617 viewsMeadowlark

Terrific stuff. Easily the best thing on this forum - at least since OldGit stopped posting regularly.
I look forward to your weekly reports, and these extra Christmas editions were an unexpected bonus.

Thanks.
0
About Us Contact Us Terms & Conditions Privacy Cookies Advertising
© TWTD 1995-2024