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Olympic Trapeze Politician Paintballing. Strap a politician (insert name here} to a trapeze and the most hits from 10 yards at the slow moving target with a high velocity paintball gun in 2 hours wins gold.
We have no village green, or a shop.
It's very, very quiet.
I can walk to the pub.
Competitors have to intercept a plain brown envelope intended for Piers Morgan (allegedly) from a well known celebrity who has something to hide, and deliver the envelope to a group of clowns. The clowns then open the envelope and tear up the twenty pound notes into tiny pieces to put into buckets. All but one of the clowns then goad Morgan as if about to empty a bucket of water over him. Eventually Morgan is 'drenched' with tiny pieces of paper and, seeing that they are parts of banknotes and guessing that his (alleged) hush money is being used for this he smugly says 'No problem, I will just tell xxxxx xxxx I never received the money and ask for it again'. The final clown has crept up behind him and hits him round the head with a bucket.