| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) 18:07 - Jan 1 with 1335 views | Warkystache |
Mildness. A winter's morning walk along familiar towpaths next to the Stour, the mush from the recent rain and the churned muddy bits splashing my jeans indiscriminately like the sides of the toilet bowl during a bout of the squits. My walking boots (a recent acquisition but they need 'breaking in', hence I've got feet rawer than sushi) left deep imprints in the ground as I stomped on. The blister on my heel shot back niggling complaints.
The post-Christmas blues are never a particular fondness. Lots of houses had taken down their decorations already. Those glinting, glistening reflections in the muddy puddles are a memory. Everywhere resumed life, grudgingly, curtains drawn and hangovers nursed by a few stolen extra hours in bed. The dog-walkers were sparse but as eccentric as ever. The Chelsea supporter wore grey shorts. His nethers bounced like wilted veg in a carrier. His dog, a Staffie with a fondness for distraction, ignored me as I trudged. I noted his new 'Christmas pressie'; a Chelsea blue collar with something sparkly which spelt his owner's team. I bet he's called Zola. Or Dogba.
We spent New Year's Eve with Tel and Mrs Tel. It was arranged on Boxing Day, as they can't go to Braintree because their niece came home from Uni with the Omicron. Sounds like an educational distinction. Tel was secretly delighted. I say 'secretly' because, although he is normally very sociable, he dislikes being forced to stay at other people's houses. "We were booked in at Freeport ter see the noo Matrix on Fursdy'n'all, but I never unnerstood the first free, so its no loss from my point'o'vew" he said charitably.
So instead we donned our glad-rags and went to the bungalow in a cab. The driver admired Paula's engagement ring. She's had it under a week, yet only wears it in public, partly due to the diamond catching on her clothes. I'm busy saving for 2022. My savings balance took a grievous hit and we're discussing holidays in the sun already. It was my fault. I fancy taking her to South Africa. An advert came up for it on the telly and we both oohed. I've also heard from a mate who went to Durban, and recommended it. But we'll need to live like monks in the intervening six months.
As a last blow-out of the year (and what a year it's been; mostly crap and hand-to-mouth for the main but then I got with her in the late autumn and now here we are), an evening with the Terries is actually a fitting one. Mrs Tel greeted us at the door, dressed in her 'cocktail dress', a black strapless one with frilly bottom which suited her. I told her so and she whispered "Terry'n'me went ter Fenwick's an' 'e treated us. Nice innit?". Tel himself looked his usual sartorial self; dark blue shirt, black trousers, winkle pickers and socks with a sober red stripe. We drank champagne and chatted in their front room. We'd agreed on party food. I'm all steaked out. Boxing Day was steak central.
I bought a decent tequila and a bottle of fresh lime juice for Margaritas and Cointreau, Vodka and Gordon's for Long Island iced Tea later (he provided the Bacardi and the Coke as this is now his favourite non-lager or brandy drink. He now orders this in pubs when he's had enough lager but the hour isn't quite late enough for the brandy). We sat on his leather chairs and compared cocktail recipes. Mine were true to the originals. His were lethal.
So anyway, you can imagine the rest. Chats, a quick round of Buckaroo (we lost), another chat and fags for three of us next to the heaters on their patio, which made everyone sweat until Tel found the button that turned them down, and then off. A game of blackjack which I won. Then a game of poker, him against me as the women lost interest and Mrs Tel showed Paula her other new clothes from Fenwick's. This was competitive. We'd started on the cocktails by then. I let him do the Long Island Ice Teas, figuring he couldn't really mess them up. He made a face at my Margarita and then drank it in one. I sipped his LIIT and wondered if he'd added turps as a secret ingredient. The new gin and Vodka bottles looked oddly depleted.
It was some 80's music crap at 11pm, something on Ch5. Tel told us a story connected to each of the songs. When they played The Police classic 'Every Breath You Take" he said it reminded him of the shop when they first moved in. That, and 'Long Hot Summer' by the Style Council. He was less positive about "Karma Chameleon". "Bloody 'ate Boy George an' all that soul-boy toot". Then they played Wham and he went quiet, enjoying the memories that wafted from the opening bars of Young Guns.
Then he said "Why did all the music back then seem brilliant?" and bemoaned the modern trend of soul searching and 'moosic what sorta goes in one ear an' straight art the uvver, nuffink mem'rable" and he switched the telly off as we got onto the likes of Aha and Kylie, and put his stereo system on and the bungalow shook to Stuart Adamson's voice crooning "Dreams stay with you, like a lover's voice cross the mountainside" and the bagpipe guitars, and we were up bopping, despite Paula not being sure what she was dancing to (born in 1993, see? I was 19 by then. Don't say anything though, eh?). And we danced on, to 'Out of Touch' by Hall and Oates, and a bit of Huey Lewis, and a bit of Dexys and finishing with a few golden punk standards; Pretty Vacant and No More Heroes and Ever Fallen in Love? and White Riot. And her perplexed look deepened a bit, and it occurred to me that, though a babe when these were first introduced, I was at least mortal. So I danced a glorious jig with her, she laughing at my pogo attempts to New Rose. And then he put a bit of rockier Pogues on, Fall from Grace with God and Fiesta and my leaps made her breasts bounce like two volleyballs (lucky me) and we finished sweatier and happier than we sometimes do when we shag.
Twelve o'clock was a brief hiatus in the jollity. Then we hugged and kissed the women and hugged each other as Jools Holland's clock chimed and Paula said to me "It's the best New Year I could ever wish for, with you finally" and we kissed and Tel went and fetched a bucket of cold water and we laughed at his attempts to throw it over us, until Mrs Tel moaned he was dripping it on the carpet.
And then we got even drunker and the cab arrived at two a.m with the driver bemused at his fare of two pissed lovers (or perhaps 'e's 'er dad? Nah can't be, 'e's 'uggin' 'er innee? Dirty old bastard anyway) and we left just as the last strains of The Commodores 'Machine Gun' were slapping their disco groove in Tel's living room and Mrs Tel was doing a strange dance which looked like she was imitating Frankenstein's monster, only with more movement.
He dropped us outside our house. Yes, it's our house. A very, very fine house. With two cats probably sh*tting somewhere in the yard. Life used to be so hard. Now everything is easy 'cos of you. "We're lucky" said Paula, her breath a heady mix of cocktails and fags, yet still the sweetest thing I could taste. I agreed. Then she took my hand and led me indoors and up the stairs and...well, who needs sleep anyway?
Happy New Year one and all. See you in Twenty-Two!!
Love Warky.
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| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 19:04 - Jan 1 with 1202 views | Westover |
Happy New Year and wishing you both every happiness in your future together. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 20:10 - Jan 1 with 1124 views | allezlesbleus |
South Africa would be an amazing honeymoon, but I would recommend more time in the Cape than around Durban. Also, to get value for money, try and stay for longer and see the whole country. There is so much variety........games parks are best in the North West, Drakensberg is spectacular, Garden Route very picturesque, wine routes around Stellenbosch etc. Personally, I love Cape Town and it's surroundings - great food and wine, stunning scenery, fantastic beaches, great wildlife and walks up Table Mountain.
Make it happen! |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 20:21 - Jan 1 with 1107 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 20:10 - Jan 1 by allezlesbleus |
South Africa would be an amazing honeymoon, but I would recommend more time in the Cape than around Durban. Also, to get value for money, try and stay for longer and see the whole country. There is so much variety........games parks are best in the North West, Drakensberg is spectacular, Garden Route very picturesque, wine routes around Stellenbosch etc. Personally, I love Cape Town and it's surroundings - great food and wine, stunning scenery, fantastic beaches, great wildlife and walks up Table Mountain.
Make it happen! |
Cheers mate
So we'd want good seafood, wine and we're both up for Great White caging. Durban just sounded like it offered all of this and more? But you'd recommend the Cape? | |
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| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 23:46 - Jan 1 with 937 views | J2BLUE |
Amazing stuff Warky, happy new year! |  |
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| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 07:31 - Jan 2 with 824 views | fab_lover |
| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 20:21 - Jan 1 by Warkystache |
Cheers mate
So we'd want good seafood, wine and we're both up for Great White caging. Durban just sounded like it offered all of this and more? But you'd recommend the Cape? |
South Africa is God's Own Country, but it depends what you want to do on holiday. Cape Town is wonderful, but the swimming there isn't great - the sea is fairly rough, there are also a fair amount of sharks, so if you both like beach holidays, Durban would be a better option. If not, Cape Town and its environs are wonderful, lots there to see and do and fairly cheap as well. If you like white wine, get a bottle of "Life from Stone" (it's wonderful).
Enjoy and wishing you a great 2022. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 07:52 - Jan 2 with 816 views | Lesta_Tractor |
| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 20:21 - Jan 1 by Warkystache |
Cheers mate
So we'd want good seafood, wine and we're both up for Great White caging. Durban just sounded like it offered all of this and more? But you'd recommend the Cape? |
You can't be taking risks like going shark caging, who'd write The Warky Report if you ended up being lunch for a great white? |  |
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| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 08:41 - Jan 2 with 764 views | stringy |
"Dogba" ho ho Happy New Year! |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 09:24 - Jan 2 with 718 views | witchdoctor |
brilliant…happy new year warky…hope your dream trip comes off..been to both areas but never long enough to give any opinions…whatever Imsure you and P will have a blast..👠|  | | |
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| The Warky Report: Happy New Year (H) on 10:46 - Jan 2 with 660 views | Eireannach_gorm |
dogba 
Happy New Year to the cast of the soap opera |  | | |
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