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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like 12:14 - Mar 6 with 1997 viewsWarkystache

Welcome back. Sorry and all that. Been a bit busy lately.

The Terries are safely ensconced in Marbella. They flew out on Friday morning, courtesy of Jet2. They had a cab down to Stansted as no-one could get time off work. Least of all me. This was a source of pithy little digs from Tel, who now thinks I'm a workaholic and so blames Paula. "'Unnymoon's over then?" he said, disparagingly over his Chinese last week. No. But something feels different at the moment. I think it's familiarity.

The weather sounds as lukewarm as a petrol station hot dog. He texted me yesterday (I was at work - yes, I also work Saturdays. Just temporarily. The offer of overtime when you've got a wedding to pay for plus no fiancee at home and no Tel or Town either, was too tempting) to say he'd had Mojitos and beer in a bar with his new mate Spindle and that "wer going to eat stake in Golden Mile". No mention of Mrs Tel, who usually 'finds' some sort of new exercise classes if it's too mild to tan on the beach. Or shopping excursions with new friends if she's too tired to face callanetic exercise.

Before he went, we enjoyed a few meals and drinks as usual. We missed the home game against whoever it was because of the wind. Non-gastric. We drew 0-0 against someone, might have been Cheltenham? I've lost track. My season ticket sits unused. Ironically, in our best run of form for yonks, I'm ambivalent. Tel's fence panels were shredded by the storm on the Friday so I spent the Saturday helping him replace them while Paula worked. We never really fancied Burton at home. His ticket went begging. Still, it was one of the 'guest' ones from my season ticket so it didn't cost him. The fact we won 3-0 was tempered by the new fence panels and the look of relief on his face. Mrs Tel might've cancelled Marbella had he not replaced them. She hates anything to be left when it's clearly wrong.

I've been entrusted with the keys to their bungalow. It's a big show of trust, especially as I destroyed their paper flowers the last time. Not that they know this. I accidentally mistook them for real and watered them. Apparently, you're not supposed to get them wet. Why did I just write 'apparently'? Any idiot knows you don't water paper flowers. Tel muttered a few weeks later that their 'paper matchy flowers got wet from con'd'saytion, like an' rotted, all mildew they were. Cost me forty notes. Good mind ter take 'em back ter that shop we gottem an' complain, like". So it's best behaviour. Paula doesn't fancy just nipping round for a check; thinks it's a bit odd. So it's me on my own, just popping in to make sure their fence panels still stand and they haven't been burgled or anything. Might do it later on today.

Onto Paula. It's not going great, I have to admit. Yet I can't put my finger on why. We had another brief pregnancy scare at the end of February. I say 'scare'; obviously it isn't for her, she was quietly hoping. I've found myself in the midst of a mid-life crisis. Everyone's happy for us. Yet, for some reason. I'm not. She works as often as she can, as I have been doing recently, and our kisses lack the zing and kapow of the Batman comics they resembled in the earlier days after we'd just met. I should be happily saving for the wedding, seeing her wearing my engagement ring with a feeling of pride and all-embracing love. But she rarely wears it. She knows how much it cost and it frightens her. So I bought her a more modest friendship ring which she wears on her ring finger and seems to derive comfort from. But it's a friendship ring both in name and meaning. We're becoming friends rather than husband-and-wife. She wants a baby. But her all-encompassing need for one puts me off the idea. Sex has becomes a means to an end, not the passionate, exciting thing it once was. I feel less and less keen on the thought of being a first-time father at almost forty-eight. I fear something else will be lost and never found again if/when it happens.

The truth is as well, and I take a deep breath before I write this, I've met someone else. Someone nearer my own age. I work with her, she's a solicitor for the company I work with, divorced, ex-husband had an affair and left her. Forty-two, one child who is grown and gone, living in Dublin with her boyfriend. We've not done anything before you castigate me. We just chat and laugh and remember the same old memories and she's invited me back to hers but I've said no and told her why, and she looked sad but accepting and I drove home wondering and (sort of) regretting saying no. I beat myself up for weeks after for it. Since then we've tried just being polite but we can't, and we fall into old ways and make each other laugh, but meanwhile keeping that distance, just. I can't do it to Paula. I know I can't. But sometimes I wake up and wonder why?

That's why I've shied away from these reports. Paula's working today, til 6pm. I've prepared dinner. She kissed me on the lips before she went, a demure little peck. She was 'in the mood' last night and we made love, but it felt a mechanical, expected thing and I think she felt it too. She asked me if I was OK after and I smiled and said 'Brilliant' and we slept in each other's arms, and I woke from a slightly troubled dream at 3am and went outside for a cigarette and she was snoring and turned away from me, and I thought of this woman at work, guiltily, and sought to purge it from me with a fag in the cold.

I can't tell anyone. Except you. And you'll judge me, I know, and I'll probably get replies of 'bastard' and all that. I'd be making a mistake to break from P now. I know it. My parents wouldn't forgive me, neither would Tel. This woman in Birmingham, would she wait? Have I any right to expect her to? No. So life goes on. Ho hum and all that.

I'm going to Pompey next Saturday. Tel's still away. Anyone who sees a rotund bloke in a black coat sat staring at his pint in lost contemplation, don't be a stranger. And don't abuse me, please. Not sure I can take it at the moment.

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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 12:27 - Mar 6 with 1933 viewsJ2BLUE

Oh Warkers, I always knew you'd end up in trouble.

The plot twist that is isn't Mrs Tel.

You're a nice guy and don't want to hurt her. We get it. The thing is, this isn't some sudden realisation. The seeds of doubt were sown a while back if you look back through your reports.

Forgive me Warky, but in your desire not to hurt her, don't become Blake 2.0. It sounds like you need to give this some serious thought. Take advantage of the time Terry is away and go and sit in the pub on your own and work out what you want.

Good luck mate.

P.S I don't think you will but if you betray her rather than being honest I will definitely judge you.

Truly impaired.
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 12:41 - Mar 6 with 1889 viewsWarkystache

The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 12:27 - Mar 6 by J2BLUE

Oh Warkers, I always knew you'd end up in trouble.

The plot twist that is isn't Mrs Tel.

You're a nice guy and don't want to hurt her. We get it. The thing is, this isn't some sudden realisation. The seeds of doubt were sown a while back if you look back through your reports.

Forgive me Warky, but in your desire not to hurt her, don't become Blake 2.0. It sounds like you need to give this some serious thought. Take advantage of the time Terry is away and go and sit in the pub on your own and work out what you want.

Good luck mate.

P.S I don't think you will but if you betray her rather than being honest I will definitely judge you.


Thanks J - I'd never do that to her. But sometimes I can see what happened to Blake. Perhaps he too felt the pressure of fatherhood expectation and shied away?

Helps to get it off me chest though.Even in this fantasy world of online Town fans, where no-one is who you think they are, I know the true ones from the not. You and Bankster have always been kind.

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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 13:22 - Mar 6 with 1800 viewsKitman

I'm in Pompey next Saturday as well. I'll look out for you...!

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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 14:02 - Mar 6 with 1753 viewsBanksterDebtSlave

The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 12:41 - Mar 6 by Warkystache

Thanks J - I'd never do that to her. But sometimes I can see what happened to Blake. Perhaps he too felt the pressure of fatherhood expectation and shied away?

Helps to get it off me chest though.Even in this fantasy world of online Town fans, where no-one is who you think they are, I know the true ones from the not. You and Bankster have always been kind.


I'm touched Warky. You will be thrilled to know that the 3 of us are now discussing your love life around the kitchen table. The only conclusion so far is that Junior is harsh....maybe I'll PM you any useful thoughts later...usually it is the calm inner voice that you should listen to if there is one.

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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 14:36 - Mar 6 with 1688 viewsThe_Romford_Blue

Morning Warky.

Firstly, and most importantly, you seem like you’ve got a lot on your plate at the minute. Take a breather and go and figure it out somewhere. A nice long walk. Somewhere far away from Suffolk and Paula. Not in Birmingham.

I don’t think anyone who reads this religiously would judge you for having doubts. The pregnancy stuff reads like it’s expectation on you to deliver a kid which is a lot I can assume. We’d probably judge you a little bit if you cheated on her. Not that I think you would.

Take some time. All the best pal.

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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 14:56 - Mar 6 with 1646 viewsBluebell

A female point of view....

Can I say that I love your reports. I always look forward to reading them.

Firstly though you must stop trying to make a baby. Use any excuses you can but if the relationship isn’t as it was, the last thing you both need is a baby.

Secondly most relationships have times when the initial excitement settles down to be more routine as you get to know each other. My worry is that you haven’t been together that long and it is early days to be looking at other women. Trying to make babies does make sex seem like a trial.

I hope it all works out well for you but you have to decide before you get too tempted by your work colleague.

Agony Aunt Bluebell xx
[Post edited 6 Mar 2022 16:19]
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 15:33 - Mar 6 with 1583 viewsWarkystache

The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 14:56 - Mar 6 by Bluebell

A female point of view....

Can I say that I love your reports. I always look forward to reading them.

Firstly though you must stop trying to make a baby. Use any excuses you can but if the relationship isn’t as it was, the last thing you both need is a baby.

Secondly most relationships have times when the initial excitement settles down to be more routine as you get to know each other. My worry is that you haven’t been together that long and it is early days to be looking at other women. Trying to make babies does make sex seem like a trial.

I hope it all works out well for you but you have to decide before you get too tempted by your work colleague.

Agony Aunt Bluebell xx
[Post edited 6 Mar 2022 16:19]


Thanks Bluebell, Rommers, Kitters and Bankster for your kind words. Kitters, it's a home game so I won't actually be in Portsmouth, they're playing us at PR. But appreciate the sentiments nonetheless.

Bankers, discuss away. I know your youngest might be harsh but that's probably the reality check I needed. Truth is, this woman in Birmingham has been a friend when I've needed one, and though my other friends are good, they just think I'm happy and they're happy for me. I hate to break the illusion.

Paula is the sort of person everyone likes. She's bubbly, full of life, funny and most of all I love her, I'm just sort of not in love with her as much as I was. The more I write, the more pathetic it all sounds. There's far worst things happening in the world, but (aside from the excellent Bald and Bankrupt on Youtube and his Ukranian adventures - check them out if you haven't already) they seem a long way from this part of Essex.

Bluebell - you're absolutely right. I don't want to have a child in my current position. We have discussed children in the past and agreed to wait, but then I want Paula to be happy and she's patently not without a child, yet when we discuss it, she resorts to emotion every time and I end up feeling a complete tosser. She's also eyeing new homes; so I guess this will be the next thing. I just feel uprooted by it all.

Friends say I'm mad when I discuss all of this. Surely you're happy though? You're marrying a much younger and more vibrant woman. Of course she wants a baby - it's the natural progression of things. It's even been mooted that I'm the lucky one. The reality is a lot different than the picture it paints.

Never mind - get me head together and get on with it as best I can eh?

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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 15:35 - Mar 6 with 1573 viewsstringy

Oh crikey - wasn't expecting that...

So from someone who is trying to work through matters of the heart, a couple of things:

a) as others have said, making babies likely changes the sex dynamic
b) who's to say that things might not lose their sheen with the work chum after a similar amount of time
c) I'd *really* suggest talking to Paula about how you feel in terms of the pizazz has gone a bit (how it is for her?), and maybe the 'making babies' route is adding some stress, and just being honest and open and communicative (without obviously saying anything about your head being turned elsewhere), and [ii] consider counselling - maybe for yourself, or perhaps for couples.

English boys are *lousy* communicators, we rarely have the skills, so please get some help on this (I speak as someone who is suffering from my lack of ability to talk things through, and am now in an uphill slog with no promise of success).

My fear (maybe yours too) is that this could be 'grass is greener' syndrome and you could end up in exactly the same place down the road, albeit having burned a ton of bridges in the interim.

The you and Paula thing seems to have been a wonderful coming-into-being over ages; please don't give up without talking to those who can help you - help which could of course include an outcome of 'yes, this isn't right for me, I need to back out'.

Good luck, and please don't play away (the guilt will gnaw amongst many other considerations)
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 15:43 - Mar 6 with 1537 viewsSitfcB

I usually laugh out loud to these but this one is a bit sad :(

You really need to talk to Paula, you need to say that you don’t really want a kid at your age, and if you don’t want one now then it’s never going to change. Speaking about that might make her think what she really wants in life.

After this conversation I bet things improve and you won’t have the stress.

Or she might be the one to say it’s not going to work.

COYB
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 16:02 - Mar 6 with 1484 viewsWarkysgonnagetyou

Lifes too short Warky. A few months of pain could save years of regret. Picture what it could all look like in 5 or 10 years and ask yourself if that picture looks like happiness. Oh, and don't be tempted by another unless you do officially become a single man that way you can always hold you head up high and look others in the eye.
Whatever you decide best of luck to you fella.
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 16:06 - Mar 6 with 1464 viewsazuremerlangus

You have been honest with yourself (and to us in your very frank reports).

Just be the same with her (but leave out the bit about your work colleague) - if the relationship has a future then it will all work out fine.

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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 18:32 - Mar 6 with 1303 viewsWestover

As most have said you need to talk and both be truthful about you want from life, I sincerely hope everything works out for you both.
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 18:47 - Mar 6 with 1282 viewsBramidan

Listen mate, feel sorry for your problems but this is a football thread,I’ve got my own problems,
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 19:54 - Mar 6 with 1190 viewsBlueBadger

The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 18:47 - Mar 6 by Bramidan

Listen mate, feel sorry for your problems but this is a football thread,I’ve got my own problems,


Is being an edgy no-mark who's decided he's at starved of attention that he's going to engage in some pointless trolling one of them?

I'm one of the people who was blamed for getting Paul Cook sacked. PM for the full post.
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 20:24 - Mar 6 with 1106 viewsBanksterDebtSlave

The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 19:54 - Mar 6 by BlueBadger

Is being an edgy no-mark who's decided he's at starved of attention that he's going to engage in some pointless trolling one of them?


I checked his most recent thread contribution and decided ignoring him was probably for the best.

"They break our legs and tell us to be grateful when they offer us crutches."
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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 21:07 - Mar 6 with 1028 viewshype313

This is going to sound quite harsh Warky, but you have to look after number one, I know that is quite selfish to some, but we only get one shot. Sounds like Paula is very keen to start a family and you aren't, you're in different stages in your life.

If you're not feeling it, then as sad as it will be for her, you would be doing her a favour in the long run. With all due respect you don't seem like the type who is going to get excited about spending Saturdays in Mothercare, or joining Baby Yoga classes.

Maybe this thing with the woman in Brum might be something, maybe it won't, but if you're having doubts about P this early on, then by staying with her for the sake of not upsetting everyone, then it will make your life miserable for the long term.

We're here for a good time, not a long time.
[Post edited 6 Mar 2022 21:09]

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The Warky Report: Fleetwood (a) and other bits of ephemera wot happened, like on 21:41 - Mar 6 with 954 viewsreuserfivethree

i only really come on this site for your reports, so i hope you won't mind me chiming in.

the only thing i can say that might be useful in the circumstances is that someone wise once told me is that if you're having troubles/doubts about your relationship, then often you can be attracted to somebody else who offers what you feel you're missing in your relationship (or who doesn't represent or offer any challenges you might be going through in your relationship). So that could be what drives your attraction to your colleague, rather than deep soul mate passion.But without knowing the ins and outs of your situation, it's impossible to say anything or to judge. Just don't be too hard on yourself.

Good luck.
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