| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) 11:15 - Mar 20 with 1221 views | Warkystache |
Back in Blighty at last. Not a moment too soon, either, given that he moaned about people on the flight back not wearing face masks and the paucity of booze provided by Jet2. "Darlin' 'old me 'and, they say on their adverts. Just don' bovver wiv a drop of the old dutch fer those of us 'oo need it".
Even his moaning was sweet on Friday night. Yes, despite Marbella being an hour and a half by jet propulsion, and leaving Mrs Tel to unpack and do the washing, he was out on Friday night with me again. We curried. He'd missed curry. Decent, gut-wrenching British curry with no 'funny bits like yellow stuff yer can't identify" in it.
That's coming up. Before Friday, life carried on verbatim. We won a few at Cheltenham, including A Plus Tard in the Gold Cup, which he'd watched on his phone on the plane, worrying about roaming fees. Paula and I sort of snuggled, a limbo state between us (not that sort of limbo. If I ever get my arse that low, they'd have to bury me in that position), her taking two days off work so we could 'chat' on Monday and Tuesday, me doing the same and clocking it as 'flexi', then we went back to the jewellers and 'traded in' her engagement ring for something antique and less costly and less concerning to wear. I got six thousand pounds back. It slightly replugged the hole in my savings. Mind, that's another six thousand towards the wedding.
The wedding. Another bone of contention. We're now left looking at 2023 if we fancy a summer one. We could have an autumnal do in October or an early Christmas one in late November, but she wants a summer so it's been provisionally booked for July 2023. The vicar, a man I've never particularly taken to since he outed himself as a Norwich fan (comes from Reepham apparently. That's early-Saxon Reepham, as he told us proudly when we went to see him on Tuesday, over lukewarm milky tea and stale digestives. Lovely views of the Wensum Valley, apparently. And of course, his beloved City. Going down, aren't they, asked Paula in wide-eyed naivety. His smile became a bit thin-lipped and he said "ah" as though she'd mentioned Satan) said he had a Saturday free in July so we pounced. Well, I say pounced. She pounced. I just sat considering. It was quite nice, just sitting there considering....
Back to Tel. They arrived at Stansted at three pm. I was just deciding to make my excuses and leave work in Birmingham so Tony drew the short straw and picked them up. He lives nearer. They got home by four-thirty; Tone making a detour to check on a new estate he's working at near Notley. I arrived home at six to find three texts awaiting, all of which mentioned curry. Paula was at her mum's (Friday nights are now devoted thus) so couldn't join us. She's not a curry fan anyway.
He arrived at six thirty, driven by the indefatigable Mrs Tel, who looked ruddy-cheeked and new haired. She wore a Stranglers T-shirt, black with red lettering and her beloved Levi denim jacket, jeans and black suede loafers without socks. She looked like she'd just po-goed to "No More Heroes". She gave me a kiss, more chaste than ever. She asked after Paula. I swallowed and said some old bollox and she gave me a concerned smile. I noticed her staring absently at me as we drove, in the back mirror, as though expecting me to suddenly perform a magic trick or spontaneously combust. She probably suspects something's been up. Women usually know.
Tel, blindingly oblivious to such intricacies of manner, prattled on about Marbella, how it "aint bin as 'ot as normal but we enjoyed it din't we luv?", saving all the juiciest bits for when we were seated at a starched cloth table munching poppadoms. Mrs Tel dropped us and said she'd be back for Tel at twelve, sharp and gave him the look that said "I mean twelve on the dot" and then softened her face and kissed me bye, and then looked at me in her rear view mirror again as she departed, as though not believing me. Or perhaps just checking she'd reversed Ok? Perhaps I read too much into things?
We dined. The lagers flowed, the talk (mainly Tel) was of Spindle, Marbella, good fortune with the bets and, briefly, Paula. I told him we'd set a date and he guffawed and slapped me on the back and wondered if it was a good time to contact Moss Bros for his best man's suit. "Don' wanna put bleedin' weight on between now an' nex' year do I?" he said as if in statement. Then he decided against ordering rice and a naan and settled for the naan on its own.
It seems Spindle was as dull in Spain as he was in Harwich and Tel admitted he'd missed me, which was nice. He mentioned that he'd come to an agreement with Mrs Tel that they should travel more abroad and experience some new places. So he's looking at Cuba or Mexico for the summer. He left a vague invitation for us dangling, saying it might be nice to 'partner' up with us for a blast abroad, seeing how our wedding wouldn't happen until next year. I said I'd ask Paula, although I already knew she'd say no. She wants to go abroad on our own. I can see a far-flung jaunt with the Terries not being her cup of tea. Still, I haven't mentioned it yet.
We were supposed to be going over there last night, but then Tel rang me at five to postpone for next Saturday, citing tiredness and Mrs Tel wanting fish'n'chips from the local chippy. So we cancelled. It was a relief to be honest. I didn't like Mrs Tel's x-ray eyes on the Friday. I had a strange feeling we'd have faced the third degree. Better to be forewarned and fore-armed if you're marching into that, I reckon.
We were winning when I switched off the telly and went for a walk. Glorious afternoon, all the housework done, Paula due in at six, takeaway to be ordered (Chinese; she likes their crispy chilli beef and their pineapple fried rice) so no real pressures or expectations on me for dinner. I walked past the church, admiring the spring crocuses and the daffs, waving at a few dog-walkers I knew on sight, ending up in the local with the Chelsea supporters as the shadows lengthened, surprised to hear we'd conceded in the 95th minute to draw 1-1. Left at six, walked home, Paula's car in the drive, knocked on my own front door and she let me in, hesitantly as she was just out of the shower. A wetly-patched towel hung tight around her upper torso and cascaded to her feet. She let it drop as she walked back up the stairs, her bum a pert rhythm of bouncy flesh. I went up following her as she turned and looked at me coquettishly on the middle stair. I caught her up as she squealed in glee on the landing. Held her. Felt her nipples harden on my chest. She fingered my belt loose and undid my jeans and I sort of 'Frankenstein-walked' her over to our bed. My clothing came off easily. The rest, well, you can imagine it.
We collected the Chinese together, like a pair of giggling teens. The drive back was interesting. I've never had my willy mistaken for the gear stick before, not even in idle boasts when I was younger. There's a little way to go yet but the nice weather might have made a difference. Druids who worshipped the sun always said that it had healing powers. They might just have been onto something.... |  |
| |  |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 15:42 - Mar 20 with 1023 views | J2BLUE |
Nice one Warky, cheers.
The magic trick bit made me lol.
Must admit, I wondered where 'she fingered my belt loose' was going for a second. |  |
| |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 00:30 - Mar 21 with 825 views | Geomorph |
Doesn’t like curry?? Is she more a meat n two veg kind of lass?
Great stuff btw |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 11:57 - Mar 21 with 673 views | RobTheMonk |
Came for the report, stayed for the unexpected mild erotica. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 12:02 - Mar 21 with 655 views | EdwardStone |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 11:57 - Mar 21 by RobTheMonk |
Came for the report, stayed for the unexpected mild erotica. |
Warky report seems to have morphed into Forum magazine circa 1974....
But without the grainy b and w photos |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 15:56 - Mar 21 with 564 views | hoppy |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 12:02 - Mar 21 by EdwardStone |
Warky report seems to have morphed into Forum magazine circa 1974....
But without the grainy b and w photos |
You can get those too, if you subscribe.
So I'm told. |  |
| |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 16:02 - Mar 21 with 548 views | hype313 |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 12:02 - Mar 21 by EdwardStone |
Warky report seems to have morphed into Forum magazine circa 1974....
But without the grainy b and w photos |
50 shades of Warky. |  |
| |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 17:46 - Mar 21 with 491 views | EdwardStone |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 12:02 - Mar 21 by EdwardStone |
Warky report seems to have morphed into Forum magazine circa 1974....
But without the grainy b and w photos |
Maybe Warky should change the name of his yarn....
Swap the "r" for an "n"
And it becomes
The Warky Neport | | | |
| The Warky Report: Oxford United (A) and Tel (H) on 18:46 - Mar 21 with 469 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Seems odds on to me that Paula will have kept Mrs Tel in the loop!!
Glad things have calmed down. |  |
| |
| |
By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions.
