| The hardest thing I have ever had to write 13:02 - Apr 15 with 4567 views | BlueandTruesince82 |
Help
It's that simple, sign posting recommendations etc.
I have seen a few posts such as this over the years and the TWTD community has never failed to amaze me with its advise, compassion and understanding.
I have recently found myself struggling mentally, over thinking, worrying too much about all sorts, work, home life, life in general, pretty much everything. Feels like I'm spiralling a bit and can't pull out.
It's not depression, I have experienced depression before and this is different but if i don't fix it soon it may turn into that as well.
I am questioning almost everything, have lost all sense of self confidence and the ability to relax, switch off be in the moment. Its like whatever I'm doing there is an out of body me above whispering in my ear providing not very helpful analysis and critique of everything I do.
I find myself feeling pretty worthless and not deserving of the friendships or relationships that I have. I could and probably should talk to friends but the one friend that I would have reached out to (as a middle aged man I find my circle now greatly diminished) sadly passed away suddenly at the end of last year, I miss them greatly and don't think I have fully processed that yet. Grief council ing is probably in order there but this goes much beyond that.
I am of course looking at therapy, I have had therapy before and it helped a bit but clearly not as much as I thought.
There are some unresolved issues resulting from childhood and the hold that the Mike Hunt of an old man seems to still have over me feels relentless I wonder if it's him in my ear the result of his influence is that confidence does not come easy to me and is easily knocked.
I feel like a rabbit in tbe headlights, frozen through fear of getting it wrong. It being everything.
I'm so clouded I am struggling to think straight and have a nagging feeling my life is about to implode.
I feel like an idiot even writing all of this and though I know I'm not, it doesn't change that feeling of failure in doing so.
Feeling pretty inept and rubbish for not being able to help myself, again I know I shouldn't but I do.
Any advise, input suggestions or recommendations from anyone who has been through similar is very welcome below or in private.
Thanks
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| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 21:33 - Apr 15 with 950 views | solemio |
Another of those threads that Phil and Gav can be so proud that it appears on their website.
Very best to you, B & T since 82. |  | | |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 21:41 - Apr 15 with 931 views | BlacknGoldnBlue |
The first word you wrote is often the hardest, asking for help is often the most difficult thing to do, especially for men.
As someone who has been there! I sat looking for answers in a bottle after writing a note to my wife and kids. I've been selfish enough not to care about the effects it would have on my wife and kids. I've lost half a year due to not being able to see ot talk to anyone but immediate family. I was late asking for help, I could feel the slipping of reality, I could feel the pressure of the tiniest expectation but I couldn't find anyone to talk to. I don't have a large group of friends.. In fairness I don't even have a small group of friends as getting older has meant we've drifted in our own worlds. Eventually the decision was taken out of my hands as I became parallised with fear, just laying in bed sobbing, not seeing positives in anything.
The first port of call was GP... The second was being honest with one person.. In my case my wife... But it could be anyone.. They don't have to talk, just listen and part of that process may have happened with you original post. The process with GP takes time but they will get you help. There are also plenty of great charities out there that offer similar services and I ended up medicated, and having three different lots of therapy. It takes time. You'll get frustrated. You'll have bad days. You'll have good days when you wonder what the fuss is about... These are dangerous as you can decide you don't need help anymore...
The big trick is to realise that many things don't matter... Don't really matter. Learn to realise what matters and appreciate it. Learn to understand what YOU need.. it can be as simple as 20mins a day to walk, read, run, meditate but it's something for you.
Take the compliments, take the help. Don't be hard on yourself..
My journey isn't over... I've been sober for over five years... I don't do drugs.. I don't smoke... I have bad days.. I have good days... I've stopped the medication as certain sise effects wasnt helping me.
I take joy in small things.. Bird song.. Walking my dog... Reading a book..writing my thoughts down...
This is your journey.. Do what's right for you.. You made the first step.. Keep taking the steps..
I wish you well [Post edited 15 Apr 21:58]
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| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 21:54 - Apr 15 with 902 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 21:41 - Apr 15 by BlacknGoldnBlue |
The first word you wrote is often the hardest, asking for help is often the most difficult thing to do, especially for men.
As someone who has been there! I sat looking for answers in a bottle after writing a note to my wife and kids. I've been selfish enough not to care about the effects it would have on my wife and kids. I've lost half a year due to not being able to see ot talk to anyone but immediate family. I was late asking for help, I could feel the slipping of reality, I could feel the pressure of the tiniest expectation but I couldn't find anyone to talk to. I don't have a large group of friends.. In fairness I don't even have a small group of friends as getting older has meant we've drifted in our own worlds. Eventually the decision was taken out of my hands as I became parallised with fear, just laying in bed sobbing, not seeing positives in anything.
The first port of call was GP... The second was being honest with one person.. In my case my wife... But it could be anyone.. They don't have to talk, just listen and part of that process may have happened with you original post. The process with GP takes time but they will get you help. There are also plenty of great charities out there that offer similar services and I ended up medicated, and having three different lots of therapy. It takes time. You'll get frustrated. You'll have bad days. You'll have good days when you wonder what the fuss is about... These are dangerous as you can decide you don't need help anymore...
The big trick is to realise that many things don't matter... Don't really matter. Learn to realise what matters and appreciate it. Learn to understand what YOU need.. it can be as simple as 20mins a day to walk, read, run, meditate but it's something for you.
Take the compliments, take the help. Don't be hard on yourself..
My journey isn't over... I've been sober for over five years... I don't do drugs.. I don't smoke... I have bad days.. I have good days... I've stopped the medication as certain sise effects wasnt helping me.
I take joy in small things.. Bird song.. Walking my dog... Reading a book..writing my thoughts down...
This is your journey.. Do what's right for you.. You made the first step.. Keep taking the steps..
I wish you well [Post edited 15 Apr 21:58]
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Your post is very well meaning and heartfelt, but could I gently ask a favour, please?
Could you edit it slightly to remove the reference to a specific method of suicide, as for people with suicidal thoughts moving onto thinking about methods is a significant step towards action.
Responsible news reporters don't refer to method for this reason.
I hope that is ok with you? Thank you. | | | |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 22:16 - Apr 15 with 858 views | MJallday |
First of all well done. It takes a brave person to open up and admit that all is not well.
Having had my fair share of darker days all I can say is this
1) the twtd community rally’s around eachother - use that. You’d be very surprised at the amount of people on here that have gone through the same
2) on that note , remember you are not alone. It may feel like that. But you’re not. In fact it’s not normal to be normal
3) a technique that works for me if I’m feeling low. Focus on getting through the next 10 mins, then when that’s done, the next hour, then the next day, then the next week and so on. Then if it all starts again, reduce it down
4) there’s a lovely lady on Twitter -@jenacuity - she’s a blue and she’s also
A MH specialist . She posts a lot of stuff and it’s helped me
5) use the people around you. Doctors, loved ones, friends , whatever. You’ll find they’re more empathetic than you realise
6) think about the positives . It’s really hard, but there’s always some. Could be small , but there’s always some. Use that as your base
7) stay safe and try look after your physical health. Even if it’s going for a walk or
A drive to the shops - get out of your surroundings at least once a day
8) councilling helps but it has to be the right councillor - find one that works for you . They will take you through your journey step by step and they will step you through your issues in a safe environment- not all councillors are equal - it’s a personal thing - so shop around
My dms are open [Post edited 15 Apr 22:19]
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| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 22:21 - Apr 15 with 849 views | EatonBlue |
Some years ago, following a major upset in my life, I trained to become a Samaritan. During my five years volunteering as a Samaritan, I listened to hundreds of callers and I like to think that just by listening, I was providing support. Callers to Samaritans do not have to be suicidal, in fact most callers are not. They are there for you 24 hours a day providing a fantastic listening service. |  | | |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 22:25 - Apr 15 with 834 views | fab_lover |
Hi there
As others have said - good on you for having the strength to write this and the self-awareness to know that things shouldn't be this way for you.
I wish I could give you a "magic bullet" solution, I really could.
However, all I would say is - try and become your own best friend.
What I mean by that, is imagine a close friend was coming to you with the issues you've raised.
What would be your advice to them ? More importantly, how would you be feeling towards them ?
You wouldn't be judging them, you'd listen, you'd be kind, you'd also be telling them that they had worth.
Likewise if you, the adult you, met the child you, you would comfort that child. You wouldn't judge them - they're a kid. That kid deserved adults who gave him unconditional love. All kids deserve that.
Learn - and it's not easy, I know - to love yourself. To value yourself. Yes, it's a long journey. Yes, professional help is probably required but - try, please, to be the best friend to yourself whom you miss, and the father you wish you'd had.
I look at myself in the mirror, and say, "you're a tw_t but I love you".
You ain't rubbish, and hopefully deep down inside you know you're worth saving, hence your courage in making this post.
Please, and I mean it, feel free to DM me. I spend most of my life on the PC, if I can help at any time, I'm here for you.
And - it goes without saying - if these thoughts get too much, call the Samaritans or similar. However you feel about yourself, there will be plenty of people whose lives would be ruined if you weren't around any more.
All the best. |  | | |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 23:15 - Apr 15 with 788 views | itfckenty |
I'm probably sure whatever I would say would have been said by people already.. it's never easy dealing with anything in this manner, but 1. You've spoken and accepted that you are currently dealing with an issue, which is a great start. My wife deals with alot of different issues, but since she accepted and embraced it, she's so much better mentally for it. We all have different coping mechanisms and sometimes what suits one, doesn't suit us all. I personally struggle with social anxiety and have for years, but since I had cancer I just threw everything out the window and essentially decided to not give a toss anymore.
My only advice to you, is that life is so so short. And your friend would want you to be happy. So whatever it is, whatever makes you smile. Do it. I know it's not the best advice in the world, but I found removing the things I hate and just doing what I love, helped me move forward in my life.
Best of luck mate! Keep your head up. | | | |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 23:21 - Apr 15 with 780 views | Ryorry |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 23:15 - Apr 15 by itfckenty |
I'm probably sure whatever I would say would have been said by people already.. it's never easy dealing with anything in this manner, but 1. You've spoken and accepted that you are currently dealing with an issue, which is a great start. My wife deals with alot of different issues, but since she accepted and embraced it, she's so much better mentally for it. We all have different coping mechanisms and sometimes what suits one, doesn't suit us all. I personally struggle with social anxiety and have for years, but since I had cancer I just threw everything out the window and essentially decided to not give a toss anymore.
My only advice to you, is that life is so so short. And your friend would want you to be happy. So whatever it is, whatever makes you smile. Do it. I know it's not the best advice in the world, but I found removing the things I hate and just doing what I love, helped me move forward in my life.
Best of luck mate! Keep your head up. |
"removing the things I hate and just doing what I love"
Doing that (as far as anyone's able to) sounds like a brilliant strategy to me! |  |
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| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 23:48 - Apr 15 with 771 views | Bossy |
I'm an extremely long term lurker but signed up for this. A lot of people are walking around with generalised anxiety, it's perfectly normal but also awful and completely exhausting. What you describe as sounds like a general feeling of foreboding and it rings true for me, I often feel that something is bad is about to happen but can't describe it or even identify it. Speak to a therapist at your earliest convenience. I've recently done just that and it's been great, I wish I did so earlier. It's basically like doing some much needed reps for your mind in the gym. I know you say you've done it a bit before but if you can I think it'll be worth doing long term.
I've tried to reduce how much I'm reading/watching/listening to news, opinion pieces, twitter, etc and basically tried to set up my life to be a bit calmer and slower where possible. I don't know your life situation so it might be easier said than done but this is what's worked for me. I still have my moments though.
I don't have much to add despite I feel ya bro. I don't think it's that unusual anymore sadly but I reckon there is a nice winding path out of that feeling. [Post edited 16 Apr 0:33]
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| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 07:23 - Apr 16 with 671 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Childhood abuse is a pig and more of us on here than we would care to admit will have suffered it and it's gnawing consequences. I'm not sure if you dealt with this in your previous depression related counselling but it sounds as if you may have to deal with it some more.
Until, during and after that process get out into open spaces, surround yourself in nature and give mind, body and spirit the space to breathe which day by day, perhaps imperceptibly, they will. Wherever you are try to notice and focus on something or an action that is beautiful. Stay away from that which is unimportant and that you can not change.
Summer is coming. |  |
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| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 17:23 - Apr 16 with 541 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 21:41 - Apr 15 by BlacknGoldnBlue |
The first word you wrote is often the hardest, asking for help is often the most difficult thing to do, especially for men.
As someone who has been there! I sat looking for answers in a bottle after writing a note to my wife and kids. I've been selfish enough not to care about the effects it would have on my wife and kids. I've lost half a year due to not being able to see ot talk to anyone but immediate family. I was late asking for help, I could feel the slipping of reality, I could feel the pressure of the tiniest expectation but I couldn't find anyone to talk to. I don't have a large group of friends.. In fairness I don't even have a small group of friends as getting older has meant we've drifted in our own worlds. Eventually the decision was taken out of my hands as I became parallised with fear, just laying in bed sobbing, not seeing positives in anything.
The first port of call was GP... The second was being honest with one person.. In my case my wife... But it could be anyone.. They don't have to talk, just listen and part of that process may have happened with you original post. The process with GP takes time but they will get you help. There are also plenty of great charities out there that offer similar services and I ended up medicated, and having three different lots of therapy. It takes time. You'll get frustrated. You'll have bad days. You'll have good days when you wonder what the fuss is about... These are dangerous as you can decide you don't need help anymore...
The big trick is to realise that many things don't matter... Don't really matter. Learn to realise what matters and appreciate it. Learn to understand what YOU need.. it can be as simple as 20mins a day to walk, read, run, meditate but it's something for you.
Take the compliments, take the help. Don't be hard on yourself..
My journey isn't over... I've been sober for over five years... I don't do drugs.. I don't smoke... I have bad days.. I have good days... I've stopped the medication as certain sise effects wasnt helping me.
I take joy in small things.. Bird song.. Walking my dog... Reading a book..writing my thoughts down...
This is your journey.. Do what's right for you.. You made the first step.. Keep taking the steps..
I wish you well [Post edited 15 Apr 21:58]
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Thank you for the edit. | | | |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 18:46 - Apr 16 with 490 views | FBI |
This board can be frustrating, irritating and opinionated most days but, when it really matters, you see people in their true (blue) colours and it's amazing.
In August 2022 I did the same as you and came out on here as being in what I would have described as 'a bit of a state'. The advice, support and general good vibes that came my way were astonishing and made a real difference. I couldn't think of anyone else to talk to and wanted to open up in private, as it were.
Depression takes many forms, a lot of which are disguised and don't always reveal themselves daily. The next step is to talk to your GP; they are generally much better at such things than you might think. Yours might recommend CBT which wasn't really for me but your situation is, well, yours and might be better.
All I can do is sympathise and offer yet another shoulder and pair of ears whenever they're needed, but the one thing I can say from direct experience is to focus on YOU. Literally nothing else matters. Get yourself well: it can be done and I'm here as living proof of that. |  |
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| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 18:52 - Apr 16 with 470 views | Ryorry |
| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 18:46 - Apr 16 by FBI |
This board can be frustrating, irritating and opinionated most days but, when it really matters, you see people in their true (blue) colours and it's amazing.
In August 2022 I did the same as you and came out on here as being in what I would have described as 'a bit of a state'. The advice, support and general good vibes that came my way were astonishing and made a real difference. I couldn't think of anyone else to talk to and wanted to open up in private, as it were.
Depression takes many forms, a lot of which are disguised and don't always reveal themselves daily. The next step is to talk to your GP; they are generally much better at such things than you might think. Yours might recommend CBT which wasn't really for me but your situation is, well, yours and might be better.
All I can do is sympathise and offer yet another shoulder and pair of ears whenever they're needed, but the one thing I can say from direct experience is to focus on YOU. Literally nothing else matters. Get yourself well: it can be done and I'm here as living proof of that. |
Wonderful post 👍 | |
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| The hardest thing I have ever had to write on 08:59 - Apr 17 with 347 views | BlueandTruesince82 |
Just to say thanks again for all the additional replies.
I've got an assemrnt therapy session booked in and will go from there.
Have also been looking at some of the various links you have all kindly signposted or the equivalent services local to me.
TWTD is a great place. You're all terrific | |
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