As well as retaining baths in the recently refurbished Ipswich Town changing rooms, Lee O’Neil, the club General Manager of football and cleaning operations, announced today that the club have installed state of the art hot water devices which spray water from the ceiling to cleanse and aid recovery of players after exercise. The devices, known outside Suffolk as ‘showers’, were first used after the recent defeat to Portsmouth.
Commenting on the recent investment by multi-millionaire club owner Marcus Evans,
O’Neil, a recent convert to showering, waxed lyrical about his hopes for the impact this new method of after match therapy will have on the teams performances “I’m really hopeful that this is going to be a key part of Paul’s push for the top two places this season” remarked O’Neil, the new development, coming on the back of the recent club statement about the move from Lotus Notes to Microsoft Excel for player recruitment, appears to have been influenced by a recent away match.
“There’s no doubting that we saw the effects and benefits on the return from a recent long distance trip to the north west” commented O’Neil, “ I mentioned to Marcus on our monthly checkin just how clean and relaxed the players were following the recent win at Acrington Stanley. Given we were due to have the leaking pipes replaced in the home changing room bath Marcus told me to ‘Just Do It, Lee’ so I did”. O’Neil declined to comment on whether the new devices have been limited to just the home changing rooms as reported, exclusively, last week by TWTD, or that in fact vertical washing had first been used at Ipswich during Bobby Robson’s reign...
“Listen, as a club we are very much into marginal gains, in hiring Paul Cook we committed to doing everything possible to find those gains. Paul Lambert did all he could with the players he had at his disposal, let’s hope that providing a cleaner more relaxed version will prove to be fruitful to this Paul.”
“There’s no muck on us now” quipped the former Westbourne school boy.
Note to editors: embargoed until 12:01pm on April 1st, Lee specifically asked to avoid any potential embarrassment with the early release of this story. Please also reference Manchester United and Norwich City using these new devices when commenting on the press release.
[Post edited 1 Apr 2021 13:13]
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