I know it's bad and to give yourself a decent innings it's best to give up but some of these warnings are a bit much
A naked man in an impotent ball of pity, weeping about his sorry lack of tumescence because he'd smoked too many rollies. If they did the same with alcohol, I wonder what images they would have to put onto bottles of booze.
So you can stand in front of the goalkeeper and interfere with his line of vision in an offside position but not touch the ball and not be given offside? If you are offside that should be it, no interfering with play BS.