Today we visit Ipswich town, an exhilarating game for us. We should aspire to achieve what they have historically achieved and have things like running water installed by 2025. Because of such luxuries, we urge fans not to wear beach shorts and splash around in their toilets.
Travel advice from the Shrewsbury town hall is quite clear. It recommends that you do not use the word Paul; this word can mean Pornstar, Midget, relegation, hope or hero. Depending on which Suffolkian you speak too. Please also be politely reminded that these Suffolk folk have NO sense of humour at all. When our very own, version of the Krankees visited Suffolk with their travelling comedy show last year and were badly abused and packed off to Scunthorpe. Two further shrews are still there in hiding.
Their leader is called King Lambert. This guy is very dangerous — you’ve been warned. His battle cry is utterly unintelligible. They, [Suffolkians] are convinced that he said he “Folami is a big ask” But I am pretty sure that he actually said he wanted to “Fook me up the Arrse.” We need to record his speeches and slow them down to 33 on our record players to understand his ramblings.
Be warned! They have dangerous modern things like Electricity and Wifi too. I urge all fans not to explore these modern evils. I won’t have time to do so, as I will be writing up the match report before it gets dark in order to get the telegram back home by morning. You have been warned!
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