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Valentine's Day at Craven Cottage
at 08:38:58

Dear Tractorbob,

I came across your Valentine Blog and I think you may be talking about me and my boyfriend.

The situation on the tube is described quite accurately but the descriptions of the people involved are a bit misleading...
I am from Bensham (Gateshead, Tyne & Wear) not Fulham, I went to the same school as Paul Gascoigne and I have a Geordie accent so to be called "Upmarket" is a first. My luxurious leather gloves are from Marks and Spencer RRP Â£15, hardly Chanel but I'm pleased they look the part.
My "Young beau" is 46 years old with a bald patch and a beer belly but I guess every blogger is entitled to a bit of poetic licence.

I was exhausted on Valentines day having travelled a gruelling 14 hours the previous day from Dubai. Most women receive a box of chocolates or flowers for Valentines day but my present was a ticket to the "Ipswich Vs Fulham" match, I support neither team and the idea of standing in the cold for 90 minutes didn't really appeal.

May I suggest that instead of offering my "Young Beau" relationship advice a list of Valentines presents guaranteed to score off the pitch would be more appropriate.

Furthermore, with regards to calling me a harridan (dictionary definition: a strict, bossy, or belligerent old woman), this is what I would expect from an eavesdropping misogynist ignoramus but if I ever have the misfortune of sitting next to you on the tube again I will squeeze my skeletal hands around your neck and tell you where you can stick Phil's poll.

PS Don't give up the day job but you could try writing for Mills and Boon.

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UpmarketSkeletalHand

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