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Alan Turing
at 11:24 15 Jul 2019

Is the face of the new £50 note. Very nice touch from the BoE that. A great man I'm sure we can all agree.
Is having relations with your cousin OK?
at 12:58 13 Jul 2019

Is having relations with your cousin OK?

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Here's a quandary
at 11:11 11 Jul 2019

Part #673264 of the TWTD Moral Maze...

Should thinking of someone else while being intimate with your partner be considered cheating?

Now, the reason I ask this is that there is a lovely lady I work with who may be having a 'psychic affair' with yours truly. I don't want to cause any harm to her relationship by continuing to be a sexy distraction. For all I know, this sexual dissonance has already caused major rows.

I know I've thought about a lot of different things when 'on the job', like what to have for dinner, what I really should have said in that meeting, etc. But none of those things would be considered being unfaithful.

Am I wrong to be concerned?
[Post edited 12 Jul 7:20]
at 15:33 8 Jul 2019

That was a scary ten minutes or so. Is everyone ok? Has anything drastic happened during downtime?

I had a kinder bueno.
Oi tradespeople!
at 19:05 3 Jul 2019

Mother has just been quoted £1,200 to have her 2x2m bathroom fitted out. That seems excessive, doesn't it? It's in Lowestoft for context, and she wants the new bath, sink etc plumbed in, about half the bathroom tiled and a new floor laid.

Over a grand for a two-day, one-man job is a bit much, innit? Or am I out of touch?

Guidance welcome, as are any recommendations...

Anyone want to buy a used car?
at 09:42 28 Jun 2019

No log book or paperwork, needs to be gone today or tomorrow.

No tyre-kickers or time-wasters.

Cash only.
Posters as footballers
at 12:37 25 Jun 2019

Have we ever done this? Was having a chinwag with a ruminant mate of mine and he reckons he's a bit like Dennis Wise. Annoying little barsteward but you can't fault the quality...

Any more for any more?

I'll say Keno's had a bit of the Adeyemi about him recently, if you know what I mean.
The Brexit Party accepts the will of the people...
at 12:10 24 Jun 2019

"The Brexit party is to launch a formal legal challenge against the result of this month’s Peterborough byelection, where it was narrowly beaten by Labour, alleging that allegations of corruption connected to postal votes need to be investigated."

Uncle Nige sez:

"I know people will say, ‘Oh, but it’s sour grapes.’ It isn’t.

Actually, as far as I’m concerned, this is about a lot more than Peterborough. It is about a system that is wide open to corruption, to intimidation, to bribery, to abuse on a whole number of levels. I have mentioned this a number of times in the past."

What do they want, another byelection?
Curry favour
at 12:47 16 Jun 2019

TWTD, I need your help.

Making a curry tonight but wondering whether to make rice, daal or rice AND daal. How many starches is it permissible to have on one plate? Then there is the issue of naan or no naan.

Ditch the daal in favour of a veggie side? Or lose the long grain?

Thoughts, please...
Insect of the day...............
at 09:48 15 Jun 2019

As Banksy has welshed on his duty to provide TWTD with its insect of the day, looks like it's down to dear old footers to pick up the slack!

Now, this is my first time doing this so please bear with me as we all make mistakes and I'm no insect expert.

Today's insect.... the proboscis monkey

Sunday lunch/dinner thread
at 16:26 9 Jun 2019

Haven't had one of these in a while, and what could be better than bonding over a nice bit of nosh?!

So TWTD, what's on your plate this dreary Sunday?

Two of my friends got engaged on Friday so the celebrations have continued all weekend here at the footers household. This evening I'm rustling up lambs steaks, pomme puree, mustard-ed leeks and roast garlic for the celebration congregation.

No afters planned though.
Bit quiet here today...
at 12:58 4 Jun 2019

Given the relative lull after all that grief and strife, thought I might brighten the board up with summat a little light-hearted.

Here is a picture of myself (B1) and a colleague (B2) as the bananas in pyjamas. What do y'all reckon? And have YOU ever dressed up as a fruit? Or is a banana a legume? I forget. Anyway, enjoy..

Gardeners of TWTD
at 10:36 1 Jun 2019

... some advice please.

I'm going to plant some more herbs today to go along with my successful parsley plants. Bearing in mind everything I touch suddenly becomes very, very ill (animal, vegetable and, incredibly, mineral), which herbs are the least prima donnaish?

Ideally I would like to grow some basil and others I can use regularly in the kitchen.

Any pointers?
FAO Chickers...
at 06:50 28 Mar 2019

...and other interested parties.

Seems your favourite 'oh-my-gawd-can-you-berleave-it' merchant has split from her squeeze. Considering her latest looks like a top-knotted semi-shaven ape you could be in with a shot. I'd give you 20/1 odds on bedding the beloved voice of da yoof.
BoJo on child rapists
at 20:33 13 Mar 2019

Don't know if covered but horrific comments given the current climate:

"I think an awful lot of the money, an awful lot of police time, now goes into these historic offences and all this malarkey - £60m I saw was being spaffed up the wall on some investigation into historic child abuse and all this kind of thing."

If there ever was proof that this man is no mere court jester but a terrible fcking cnt this should do it. Does he have no idea what's going on?
Germany it is, lads!
at 17:16 27 Feb 2019

Wonder which teams we'll be playing, or whereabouts in the country it'll be? One of the Berlin teams would be great... well, my liver doesn't think so!
ME interview
at 17:45 30 Jan 2019

Sorry if I missed the answer to this or am being thick, but which clubs/owners was ME talking about? Just wondered who had approached him about buying the Club.

Two clubs, "chucked some money at it for two years, it all went wrong, and one got relegated to League One."

Away from the football misery...
at 19:41 6 Jan 2019

The Bros documentary currently on BBC is pure Partidge-grade gold. But with Bros. And irl.
at 18:01 23 Nov 2018

Flying out tomorrow morning for work. Anyone got any tips on places to go or things to see? Doing a three-day conference but going for a week so have a bit of time to explore.

Any recommendations welcome.

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