| I haven't been around for a while 13:29 - Mar 3 with 7060 views | urbanblue |
It's been a life changing, traumatic few weeks for me.
Three weeks ago I walked out of the family home when years of mental abuse from my other half turned physical.
I could not let my 9 year old daughter be exposed to our toxic relationship any more.
I spent a week in a crappy hotel room with just a bag of clothes staring at the ceiling thinking 'What the feck have I done?'
It was the bravest thing I have ever done in my life.
My control freak ex is losing the plot, using my daughter to try and manipulate my emotions. I don't think she can believe That I had the balls to leave. I'm seeing my little girl but mey ex is pulling the strings and I can't do much about it ... for now.
I made a pledge to my self that I would act with dignity and calm. The more I am managing that, the angrier the ex is getting as she realises she is losing the control.
But you know what I'm now doing ok. It's tough. It's relentless but I'm alright. My little girls doing ok as well. Not seeing anywhere enough of her but that will change. It's the long game that matters.
Missed you lot though. The longest I've not looked at the site for years!.
Send me the strength over the miles eh |  | | |  |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:35 - Mar 3 with 4581 views | GlasgowBlue |
Sorry to hear about your troubles mate. Stay strong. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:36 - Mar 3 with 4591 views | Throbbe |
Good luck. I can imagine how hard it is not seeing much of your daughter. Kids are pretty bright, if you don't get sucked into playing your partners game your daughter will see the real you through whatever her mum might be feeding her.
I suspect your ex wont go for it, but might be worth seeing a relationship counsellor, not to repair the relationship, but to discuss your daughters future in a relatively 'safe' environment. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:36 - Mar 3 with 4577 views | hoppy |
Blimey. Sounds like a massive change. Hope all goes well and things settle down well for you.
Look after your relationship with your daughter as that will keep you going at times. I see my son every other week, and those are important times and come before anything else (which is why I didn't even see the Derby game until Monday or Tuesday night this week as I was with him on Sunday).
All the best and stay strong. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:37 - Mar 3 with 4561 views | Steve_M |
Well done for finding the strength to do that and for recognising that this will take a long-time to resolve. The very best of luck and hopefully people on here can help keep you sane, they're pretty good at that all told. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:43 - Mar 3 with 4548 views | Lord_Lucan |
Ooh that's a tough cookie. Hope things work out, as you know your approach to this is bang on. Try not to lose your temper even once.
Good luck. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:49 - Mar 3 with 4503 views | urbanblue |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:36 - Mar 3 by Throbbe |
Good luck. I can imagine how hard it is not seeing much of your daughter. Kids are pretty bright, if you don't get sucked into playing your partners game your daughter will see the real you through whatever her mum might be feeding her.
I suspect your ex wont go for it, but might be worth seeing a relationship counsellor, not to repair the relationship, but to discuss your daughters future in a relatively 'safe' environment. |
You're right she won't go for mediation as I obviously want joint custody or Shared Parental responsibility as it's called here. My daughter and I are very close and it's cause she keeps wanting to see me that I'm getting to spend time with her.
In fairness my ex is a good Mum but is is saying our daughter needs just one home and not a home with ' .... someone who walked out on her'
She has said some despicable things. But thats normal. she was always trying to push my buttons. I'm just not going to let it work any more. | | | |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:59 - Mar 3 with 4440 views | Bluebell |
So sorry to hear of your problems but you have obviously done the right thing for your daughter's sake. At 9 years old she will know exactly what is going on and has gone on before.
Fortunately too at 9 she is also able to make her own mind up about seeing you. Some parents obviously try to stop all contact, if they are bitter about the break up especially when the children aren't old enough to make their own decisions..
You sound as if you are doing everything right.
I hope it all goes well for you. |  | | |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:59 - Mar 3 with 4436 views | imsureazzure |
Brave decision, all the best for the future.
It is better to come from a broken home than be in one. |  | | |
Login to get fewer ads
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:59 - Mar 3 with 4443 views | davblue |
I can't imagine ever being in the position you are in. (abuse from a partner) This isn't putting you down to be clear, but it must be horrible and for a woman or man to do that to one another is awful.
if you weren't happy (obviously) well done for taking a stand. Did you not think about reporting it to the police? Sounds like this would carry over, and you don't want your daughter thinking it's normal behaviour.
I wish you all the best, and hope you get, everything sorted. |  | | |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:00 - Mar 3 with 4442 views | urbanblue |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:43 - Mar 3 by Lord_Lucan |
Ooh that's a tough cookie. Hope things work out, as you know your approach to this is bang on. Try not to lose your temper even once.
Good luck. |
I know the drill Lucan. They try and push you and push you til you lose your temper and bang ..... AVO. Won't let it happen mate.
Basically, she has always been a bit mad. It was fun for a while til she started trying to tell me what to do all the time. I used to just shrug my shoulders and ignore her but the last couple of years she started losing the plot when I did that.
I used to joke
PMS get your head down
PMS and full moon, double get your head down
PMS, full moon, and forgotten to take her prozac, say nothing.
PMS, full moon, forgotten to take her prozac and pissed, get out of the room!! | | | |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:10 - Mar 3 with 4353 views | urbanblue |
| I haven't been around for a while on 13:59 - Mar 3 by davblue |
I can't imagine ever being in the position you are in. (abuse from a partner) This isn't putting you down to be clear, but it must be horrible and for a woman or man to do that to one another is awful.
if you weren't happy (obviously) well done for taking a stand. Did you not think about reporting it to the police? Sounds like this would carry over, and you don't want your daughter thinking it's normal behaviour.
I wish you all the best, and hope you get, everything sorted. |
I have to be honest it wasn't all the time. As a family there were plenty of ok to good times. Over the last couple of years though it has been getting worse though with lots of rows when i fought back which I hated doing in front of the little one. The problem was do I just take it for the sake of peace? Then my daughter would just lose respect for me. It was a no win situation.
The tipping point was when she lashed out at me and a line was crossed. | | | |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:10 - Mar 3 with 4342 views | Lord_Lucan |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:00 - Mar 3 by urbanblue |
I know the drill Lucan. They try and push you and push you til you lose your temper and bang ..... AVO. Won't let it happen mate.
Basically, she has always been a bit mad. It was fun for a while til she started trying to tell me what to do all the time. I used to just shrug my shoulders and ignore her but the last couple of years she started losing the plot when I did that.
I used to joke
PMS get your head down
PMS and full moon, double get your head down
PMS, full moon, and forgotten to take her prozac, say nothing.
PMS, full moon, forgotten to take her prozac and pissed, get out of the room!! |
You aren't married to my wife are you? My wife suffered from PMS all her life - very badly. I could wake up and tell straight away that she had hit the button, she could never see it until she came through the other side. Half of every month was a write off. The quacks have her different pills with little or no effect. About 5 years ago she saw a women doctor who immediately put her on the pill and since then PMS has pretty much gone.
If I were you I would now keep a diary of conversations and actions. | |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:15 - Mar 3 with 4296 views | The_Romford_Blue |
All the best UB |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:16 - Mar 3 with 4287 views | No9 |
Take good care, I hope all works for you in the long run. |  | | |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:21 - Mar 3 with 4243 views | chicoazul |
Good luck urbanblue. I hope everything works out for all parties. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:23 - Mar 3 with 4232 views | Swailsey |
Chin up and you know you can vent here.
Sending positive vibes. |  |
| Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:28 - Mar 3 with 4181 views | clive_baker |
I can't say I've got much experience in this matter but your calm, considered and dignified long game approach sounds to me like it's the way forward.
Stay strong, and don't lose sight of what drove you to make the decision. You and your daughter will have many happy times together in the future I'm sure. Short term pain for long term gain.
All the best with it. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:29 - Mar 3 with 4166 views | jeera |
Big decision you've had to make there fella and most certainly sounds the right one.
It's all about your girl now mate, as you rightly say.
You've clearly got a sound head and I'm sure in the long run, as others have said, all will be fine.
Best wishes. Don't be provoked. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:31 - Mar 3 with 4135 views | RoyKeanesDog |
Dad? |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:32 - Mar 3 with 4126 views | stickymockwell |
You're a top man UB and doing the right thing proves it.
All the best to you and your daughter.
Would she go ballistic if you got another woman? |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:36 - Mar 3 with 4089 views | RoyKeanesDog |
| I haven't been around for a while on 14:31 - Mar 3 by RoyKeanesDog |
Dad? |
In all seriousness- good luck with everything and hope it all works out UB. | |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 15:16 - Mar 3 with 3993 views | Swansea_Blue |
Whoa, blimey! Keep your chin up fella.
When I was living in shared accommodation as what they call a young professional (I'm not sure I was much of either), we had a guy drop in once for a couple of months who was in an almost identical position. He'd just walked out after it all went wrong, leaving 2 young kids behind. He was in bits to begin with, so I kind of understand what you must be going through. But he soon turned things round. Got a small place of his own, sorted out access to kids, and started having the time of his life.
Keep strong, don't bottle stuff up and make the most of any family/good friends. I'm sure things will work out just fine if you keep putting your daughter first.
May not be relevant, but you may want to think about keeping a diary of events and any clashes with the ex, just in case you need a record in any future custody battle.
Good luck! |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 15:54 - Mar 3 with 3903 views | Pendejo |
Hellfire!
Stay sane, stay calm & stay strong!
I took a job overseas when my 1st marriage ended to put as much distance between myself and my wife in order to avoid "issues".
Very brave for coming on here an posting something from real life.
Best wishes & all that jazz |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 15:58 - Mar 3 with 3895 views | J2BLUE |
Take care mate, hope all works out in the end. Very brave choice to make. |  |
| |
| I haven't been around for a while on 16:06 - Mar 3 with 3873 views | Coastalblue |
I hope it all sorts out well for you, and I'm sure it will. I walked away 4 years ago after 20 years of marriage that had just deteriorated and from someone who was incredibly manipulative.
No kids involved for me admittedly but I have to say now that I am happier than I have been for decades and my family all say they have the real me back.
Will be some tough times to get through, but I'm sure you'll look back in the future and believe it was the best thing you could have done. |  |
| |
| |
By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions.
