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Thread | First of all apologises for the way I acted the other day. I handed it badly
at 03:18 3 Feb 2021
When I first joined TWTD many years ago, it took me some courage to do so. it was the first forum I ever joined. For many years I just observed from a far due to being dyslexic but I wanted to post stuff. So I went for it. It still takes me half hour to write a simple post. I constantly read and re-edit it repeatedly. I’ve always been slow, struggle to take things on board especially when it comes to reading. But you know what TWTD helped me with that. Yeah sure im pulled up constantly on stuff but I learnt more about grammar on here then I did in school.
So now for the hard bit. Not sure where it went wrong for me on TWTD. I used to come on here and started to feel low because I didn’t agree with a lot what was being said. Not being able to debate an argument does not help so I didn’t say anything. Instead I started to feel low & felt there was something wrong with me. Yes I know I should have stayed on the football forum but couldn’t help myself gravitating towards the general tab. It was obvious I was very much against the grain & the beliefs of the many on here. So I stopped coming on here for a while as I felt in a darker place whenever I did. Which hurt quite a bit. I’ve always enjoyed it on here. It was my home page for well over a decade. Call me insensitive, stupid, pathetic, weird. It was how I felt. I Losed my love for ITFC which has been my passion my whole life & lost my zest for life because of it. It sounds stupid when I say it aloud.
Somewhere down the line I turned to drink and in November I woke up in hospital. Long story but embarrassingly was found in a ponds edge at Hampstead Heath in the early hours one cold morning. Apparently if a jogger hadn’t found me I may not be here. As I said embarrassing.
In my attempt to give up the drink and at my partners request she told me to turn to music (Mainly hip hop/rap for my sins) as that was a happy place for me once. That’s how I found Tom Macdonald. His song “Best Rapper Ever” saved me from turning back to drink. The song is about Addiction & I listen to it everyday as it lifts me. When I want a drink I listen to it. It’s helped me massively so far & it’s probably why I feel strongly about defending him.
Im fully aware now it wasn’t the wisest decision putting his song on here. My intent was to show black content creators/bloggers from all different backgrounds who experienced racism in real life breaking down the song & letting people know they interpretation of it. Instead i got it into my head that people on a football forum knew better then they did. As I said handled it badly.
I’m one of these people who would never change someones beliefs. Only they themselves can do that. I hate the name calling or treating people poorly when they don’t agree with those beliefs. Some people are mentally weak like myself & take things to heart. Just my thoughts.
I know people have told me to come off you tube, but for me that is my happy place. It honestly is. Sadly it seems that TWTD is my bad place. So sadly after 22 years (got my first pc in 1999)this is my last post.
It’s took me over five hours to write this so If you got to the end, thank you I’m truly humbled. Not sure why I wanted to write this. It seems weird. But needed to do it for myself. Anyway apologies again to all I insulted, especially leitrimblue
Much love to all & take care. [Post edited 3 Feb 2021 3:21]
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