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Can see in his face, reflections of space Can hear fifty per-cent better than me Frontiersmen have come & frontiersmen go Davy Crockett 'fore me or so legend goes
He's some form of life, but not as we know Half human & Vulcan points your ears He bids you long life & prosper again Illogical, fascinating friends
For I have been asked of Mr Spock He's how many ears? Either side of his head & a third on his face where There's a space for...
The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear
Can see in his face, reflections of space Can hear fifty per-cent better than me Frontiersmen have come & frontiersmen go Davy Crockett 'fore me or so legend goes
For I have been asked of Mr Spock He's how many ears? Either side of his head & a third on his face where There is a space for...
The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear
He's some form of life, but not as we know Being human & Vulcan points your ears He bids you long life & prosper again Illogical & fascinating his friends
For I have been asked of Mr Spock He's how many ears? Either side of his head & a third on his face where There is a space for...
The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear
The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear
The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear The final front ear
Bored one night so long ago Tryin' to find a TV show A funny man came to me In a red fez that threw me
...well, I could not turn away it seemed My eyes were glued upon the screen Laughter ran through me, "Glass/Bottle" blew me away
"Pick a card, sir" he said with a smile "You don't have to tell me, this blindfolded duck'll try" & try to understand, try to understand Try, try, try to understand, he's a magic man
Jar of glass, a dessert spoon Then, said he "Spoon/Jar, Jar/Spoon" "Pull it" by the tether, let this spell last forever
His audiences, near & far To the wings "...wait in the car" Audience are worried, "Just Like That" was ushered, yeah
"Pick a card, sir" well, he said with a smile "No, you don't have to tell me yet, blindfolded duck'll try" & try to understand, try to understand Try, try, try to understand, he's a magic man "Bag/Egg", ah He's a magic man
"Pick a card, sir" he said with a smile "No, you don't have to tell me yet, blindfolded duck'll try" & try to understand, try to understand Oh, oh, try, try to understand, try, try, try to understand, He's a magic man, oh yeah, ooh, he's got them massive hands
Oh (x4)
"Pick a card, sir" he said with a smile "You don't have to tell me, this blindfolded duck'll try" & try to understand, try to understand Try, try, try to understand, he's a magic man, yeah, oh!
Well Gary flapped all night about his coming flight How he'd lead a flying V for many thousand miles Speed jive, don't want to stay in flight For so many miles
& when he steals a march on larks in parks & ready or not he's taking off, he starts to migrate Really thinks he's so great
Television chefs are crazy shovin' their food down our delicate necks Darwin you see, says he, we once were T Rex
Young Ryan, oh yes Have a gander
All you young dudes (Goslings!) Gary the Goose (Where are ya) Gaggle o' dudes (Stand up, come on) Gary the Goose
All you young dudes (I wanna hear you) Gary the Goose (I wanna see you) Gaggle o' dudes (& I wanna talk to you, all of you) Gary the Goose
Now Amy's so sweet, she's the mother of the geese Now we can Fly Away Home it's a real dream team Yes we can love, oh yes we can love
Then my brother sounds a honk like he's farting in the fog We've really had enough of Van singin' in his car What a drag, too many bads
Now I'm really scared of heights & I'm sick of flyin' Wanna lay my head to rest Oh is this eider in your down Or is it in your bed
(Your... pillow, I meant)
All you young dudes (Goslings!) Gary the Goose (Where are ya) Gaggle o' dudes (Stand up) Gary the Goose
All you young dudes (I wanna hear ya) Gary the Goose (I wanna see you) Gaggle o' dudes (& I wanna relate to you) Gary the Goose
All you young dudes (Goslings!) Gary the Goose (Let's hear the Goose, come on) Gaggle o' dudes (I wanna keep you) Gary the Goose
All you young dudes (Hey you there, eatin' grasses) Gary the Goose (I want you) Gaggle o' dudes (I want you at the front) Gary the Goose (Now, now you all his friends)
All you young dudes (Now you bring him down cos I want him) Gary the Goose Gaggle o' dudes (I want him right here, bring him, come on) Gary the Goose (Bring him, here you go)
All you young dudes (I've wanted to do this for years) Gary the Goose (There you go) Gaggle o' dudes (How do you feel) Gary the Goose
You think you look pretty good together But what's it like up there, the weather?
A super substitute for another guy Oh look, cross a ball, gets up really high A simple game to play, it ain't complicated Look pretty long, cos he's elongated, yeah
Substitute: some height - attack! He can drift right through your centre backs His teeth so white, thirteen on his back Sublime super sub til Teddy Sheringham's back
He was born with a wooden spoon up his @rse Crouchin' Tiger, Hidden Dragon his gifts, they ain't so obvious
& if you try to look him in the eye His Peter Crouch teeth are what you'll spy Listen, when he comes on, won't have to cry Your bet rolls on to him, don't pass it by, pass it by
Substitute: me for him Substitute: Sub d'Or, his bib! Substitute: pod, cast 'Big One' At least you'll get your washing done
A super substitute for another guy Oh look, cross a ball, gets up really high A simple game to play, it ain't complicated He looks pretty long, cos he's elongated, yeah
He was born with a wooden spoon up his @rse Crouchin' Tiger, Hidden Dragon his gifts, they ain't so obvious
& if you try to look him in the eye His Peter Crouch teeth are what you'll spy Listen, when he comes on, won't have to cry Your bet rolls on to him, don't pass it by, pass it by
Substitute: me for him Substitute: Sub d'Or, his bib! Substitute: pod, cast 'Big One' At least you'll get your washing done
Substitute: some height - attack! He can drift right through your centre backs His teeth so white, thirteen on his back Sublime super sub til Teddy Sheringham's back
A Planet Rock radio DJ often intro's this as "Hit Me With Your Pet Shark", so I did these lyrics... (US music humour site Amiright no longer publishing submissions, hence full lyrics here) Have a chuckle!
I know some real tough collies love your leg in their teeth 'cos meetin' people's pets is like jeopardy Cats okay, dogs: see why they do it You gotta what? Let's see you prove it
Hit me with your pet shark Why don't you hit me with your pet shark Hit me with your pet shark No way - yes, way!
Oh, come off of it, come on You don't play fair 'cos that's no snake, nor a hamster Knock me down, a bathroom tank I get right back upon your porcelain
Hit me with your pet shark Why don't you hit me with your pet shark Hit me with your pet shark No way - yes, way!
I know some real tough collies love your leg in their teeth 'cos meetin' people's pets is like jeopardy Before you take another snap of my dipstick face You better make sure that Feargal's locked in, safe
Hit me with your pet shark C'mon, hit me with your pet shark Hit me with your pet shark No way - yes, way!
Hit me with your pet shark You really hit me with your pet shark Hit me with your pet shark No way - yes, way!
(to Refugee by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers 1979)
(So wanna live like a) Refugee
We got problems, we all know it Inflatable beached, air let out it Lefty lawyers crying "Human Rights" Somehow, they get around it
Listen, put you up four star luxury, maybe Money for nothin', house is for free You see, I so want to live like a refugee (So wanna live like a refugee)
Thrown off towers Singled out for just, oh, "being so handsome"(?) Tell me why your wife stayed there 'n' travel: kids you abandon?
Listen, put you up four star luxury, maybe Money for nothin' & your house is for free You see, I so want to live like a refugee (So wanna live like a refugee)
Not maybe, I so want to live like a refugee (So wanna live like a refugee) Oh!
Natives, we ain't the first ...priority, what other country is worse? If your kids got placed in school, well, it's ...hard to believe these "boys" are sittin' there, too
Thrown off towers Singled out for just, oh, "being so handsome"(?) Who knows, why your wife & kids stayed there & you ran away You're a coward, and some
Listen, put you up four star luxury, maybe Money for nothin' & your house is for free You see, I so want to live like a refugee (So wanna live like a refugee)
Oh, I so want to live like a refugee (So wanna live like a refugee) Oh, I so want to live like a refugee (So wanna live like a refugee) oh, oh, oh!
Partly inspired by the thread re favourite non league team, on which I regailed the story of my un-used sub appearance for Boreham Wood v Watford in the 1988 Herts Senior Cup Final at Vicarage Road & the state of the sand covered pitch that eve!
I've immortalised that in this song!
Link is to US music humour site Amiright who've published my parody lyrics to Elton John "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" which of course becomes "Goodbye Vicarage Road"
(some will be very pleased to hear, Amiright is no longer publishing new submissions as of today, so this is my 74th & final song on their site!)
with references to Holy Grail's Black Knight 'tis but a scratch & Hancock's armful & I just had to get Terry Butcher in there, to show how to just get on, rather than the sort of muppet who runs to mummy!
Link is to US music humour site Amiright & the above mentioned lyrics, have a chuckle!
Link is to US music humour site Amiright who publish song parody lyrics This time, it's Disturbed's superbly moody version of Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence"
I'll make a leap here, & assume the answer to that is "yes"!
So, rather than bemoan our luck as the season progresses in the hope these things will "even themselves out over the season", is it time for us to employ the dark arts?
I think we should start diving & cheating to win pens & deliberately play right on the verge of offside & let VAR continue to make mistakes
Let's be pro-active in this
I now no longer care if we gain a reputation for diving/cheating if it keeps us up Better than being relegated bemoaning our luck all the way to the end of the season, cos it just isn't going to even itself out, is it?