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|Simon Mayo confessions|
at 18:04 5 Apr 2019
I was reading a few at lunch time and I nearly wet myself reading this
Apologies to any animal lovers and vegans
I grew up in the North Staffordshire countryside. Unfortunately for reasons I won't bore you with I had to move to a town about fifteen miles away. I still kept in touch with a good friend of mine called Paul, and occasionally we'd visit each other. This confession dates from 1990 when we were twenty and had just discovered the delights of clay pigeon shooting. I would drive to his house, we'd pack the equipment in the back of the car and then we'd drive off to find a farmer who'd let us use his land. Most of them were very friendly, almost always allowing us to use one of their fields. We usually had to perform some small favour in exchange. This usually involved taking out a few crows instead of clay pigeons.
Unfortunately, neither of the two farmers who usually let us use their land was able to on this particular Saturday afternoon, so we went slightly further afield.
We'd once visited a farmer by the name of Johnston and remembering him to be a friendly old chap, we decided that he'd be worth a try. I was elected spokesman. After parking the car at the front of the house, I knocked on his door. Eventually he answered, and after I explained what we wanted he asked me in. He explained that his horse was very ill, and needed putting down. He didn't want to pay for a vet, and he couldn't face doing it himself. He said he'd let us use his land if I shot his horse. He just gave me the directions to the stables at the back.
As I opened the door I saw Paul leaning on the bonnet of the car with his broken rifle cradled in his right arm. He looked so relaxed I decided to shake him up a bit.
I stalked over to the car, snatched up my rifle, loaded it and walked purposefully in the direction of the stables. 'What's up, Ian?' Paul asked jumping to his feet.
'The unreasonable elderly gent has denied us permission to use his land.' I replied (although not using those words). Paul followed me. Once we reached the stables I instantly saw the sickly looking grey, and walked over to it.
'I know', I said, 'Let's teach him a lesson. Let's shoot his horse.'
With that, I shot the poor beast. It was quick, clean and painless. Paul's face was a picture of horror. Suddenly, before I had a chance to explain, or even laugh at his expression, the expression changed to something very unpleasant.
'Yeah!' he shouted, 'Let's kill his bull as well!'
Before I could stop him, he spun round and shot the bull, who was looking over his door to see what was going on. There was a vaguely bovine moan followed by the sound of several tonnes of prime beef hitting the floor of a stable.
There was only one course of action to follow: run, very quickly. We dived into the car and sped off.
Once safely back home, I told Paul what had really happened. After he'd calmed down, we decided to become ex-clay pigeon shooters.
We'd just like to apologise to Mr Johnston for murdering his bull, and hope both he and you can find it in your hearts to forgive us.
|7 months off the booze now|
at 10:05 4 Apr 2019
I've started having a few non alcoholic beers when I go out so that I can feel included, but wow do I feel good about it.
Just need to get over my ITFC depression and then life is great.
|Happy new year peeps|
at 21:43 31 Dec 2018
Let’s hope for a Miraculous 2019. If not then up the Town wherever we may be.
Best of health to you all.
|Look at Me. 2 months alcohol free|
at 07:42 1 Nov 2018
I’ve had my problems with the booze, but I think I’ve finally smashed it. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever have a drink again.
1st month was really hard but now I feel amazing.
|Driving in Norfolk|
at 13:40 12 Sep 2018
This is on the Attleborough roundabout.
I reckon the bloke has just found out his Dad is round his house with his wife.
[Post edited 12 Sep 2018 13:42]
|Anyone built their own house?|
at 09:58 15 Aug 2018
I'm thinking of going for it. I've found a plot with planning and drawings for a three bed.
I would have a build budget of 150k. I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience and am I dreaming with that budget or will I end up with a half built house?
at 15:05 14 Jul 2018
N to the T
|This feeling is incredible |
at 16:26 11 Jul 2018
I haven't had it since the playoff final. I can't sit still.
For loyal fans of clubs like Ipswich, who realistically will very rarely see their club in a semi final/final it's everything.
Really chuffed for the young fans like Rommers and Sitters who were too young for 2000 and not around for 1990.
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