| No subject 11:22 - Aug 31 with 21757 views | ipswich78 |
[Post edited 21 Jul 2021 13:10]
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:50 - Aug 31 with 3533 views | FrowsyArmLarry |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 12:40 - Aug 31 by Mullet |
Can you give me a good example of a deep rooted bigoted view about race, immigration, sexual preferences that are good? |
It is generally accepted that religion should be respected. That's a positive reinforcement of bigotry right there |  | | |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:52 - Aug 31 with 3533 views | Mullet |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:44 - Aug 31 by Vic |
Mullers - if the definition of a bigot is 'A person who is intolerant towards those holding different opinions' (English Oxford living dictionary) then at risk of being controversial, you're sounding dangerously near to being bigoted yourself!
Why is it that so often the people who are bigoted are those who don't agree with us! |
Not at all, I'm happy to be one if it means not tolerating racism, homophobia etc. within society. Although I'd take Karl Popper's approach on the chin.
However you're then implying I have no rational basis or experience of bigotry so the cute thought falls down there.
It's often held up by those people who know their views are wrong/disgusting/laughable as some sort of defence though. Hence why we've got posters conflating "freedom of speech" and tolerance with whether these views are correct. Which they demonstrably aren't and was my point. |  |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:52 - Aug 31 with 3533 views | Darth_Koont |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 12:45 - Aug 31 by Darth_Koont |
Not sure you can - or need to.
Sounds very similar to me and my Dad. He's one of my best friends and I love spending time with him but we're different on these and most political questions. That's based on us coming from different generations and having different life experiences.
We do learn from each other - indirectly at least. But that's because we're both fundamentally open people who respond to empirical evidence. For my part, I've understood the value of and need for a capitalist, entrepreneurial outlook as an engine for making lives better, and I think he understands that the world's challenges can't be solved by slavishly following this single ideology or any other one-track thinking. He's certainly embraced the whole climate change evidence as a reason to have a more nuanced and balanced approach.
We also agree that May and her government are a complete and utter shambles  |
Just like to add that it's also a very useful learning experience for when you have kids of your own and how you handle them.
You realize that it's unlikely your kids will think the way you do — and being their father or mother means little. But what you can share is a way of discussing where you listen as much, if not more, than you yourself speak. If your kids feel that you respect the way they think and are always ready to listen, then they'll probably take on the same approach.
I've heard some horrible stories about family members who refuse to talk to each other or even see each other anymore - and it seems that has as much to do with the way they can't discuss things properly as the opposing views themselves. |  |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:54 - Aug 31 with 3527 views | Mullet |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:50 - Aug 31 by FrowsyArmLarry |
It is generally accepted that religion should be respected. That's a positive reinforcement of bigotry right there |
The right to hold a religion is, I'm not sure anyone argues that all religions are therefore correct (possibly Hindus by in a very different context). | |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:02 - Aug 31 with 3504 views | ipswich78 |
Thanks all for your comments, there has been some genuinely useful comments. Definitely ones along the lines of don't challenge / confront / argue - I think you're probably right, certainly makes sense to try and avoid the subject entirely. However, it is something I find difficult especially with some of the chuff he likes and shares on Facebook!
Apologies if I offended anybody around the same age, that wasn't my intention. I was just trying to think of a justification for his views and considered that in his younger years etc. those views were possibly more accepted? Especially in rural Suffolk.
One thing that I do think is true that people have touched on is the presence of mainstream media with headlines purely created to cause panic, alarm and over-reaction. I do think there is definitely an element of not understanding how media works, how it can really influence the way people think and act - and react to others. It honestly makes me very sad. | |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:05 - Aug 31 with 3490 views | Pinewoodblue |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:02 - Aug 31 by ipswich78 |
Thanks all for your comments, there has been some genuinely useful comments. Definitely ones along the lines of don't challenge / confront / argue - I think you're probably right, certainly makes sense to try and avoid the subject entirely. However, it is something I find difficult especially with some of the chuff he likes and shares on Facebook!
Apologies if I offended anybody around the same age, that wasn't my intention. I was just trying to think of a justification for his views and considered that in his younger years etc. those views were possibly more accepted? Especially in rural Suffolk.
One thing that I do think is true that people have touched on is the presence of mainstream media with headlines purely created to cause panic, alarm and over-reaction. I do think there is definitely an element of not understanding how media works, how it can really influence the way people think and act - and react to others. It honestly makes me very sad. |
Regardless of how much you feel uncomfortable about some of your fathers characteristics don't forget he did a good job bringing you up, just be thankful. |  |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:08 - Aug 31 with 3487 views | Vic |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:52 - Aug 31 by Mullet |
Not at all, I'm happy to be one if it means not tolerating racism, homophobia etc. within society. Although I'd take Karl Popper's approach on the chin.
However you're then implying I have no rational basis or experience of bigotry so the cute thought falls down there.
It's often held up by those people who know their views are wrong/disgusting/laughable as some sort of defence though. Hence why we've got posters conflating "freedom of speech" and tolerance with whether these views are correct. Which they demonstrably aren't and was my point. |
But the the problem I have with the word is that it is common to use it towards people are hold different opinions and beliefs but are not intolerant of others. Just because a person doesn't hold to the current world view on a particular subject doesn't necessarily make them bigoted (intolerant) does it!
If, for example we disagreed on the issue of sexuality which of us would be the 'bigot'? Surely it would be neither of us unless we were not able to tolerate each others opinions. It's not the disagreement but the intolerance that makes a bigot is it not. Or are you saying that simply having a belief (however gentle, and tactful and thoughtful the person is) that others disagree with makes the person a bigot? |  |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:12 - Aug 31 with 3478 views | Vic |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:02 - Aug 31 by ipswich78 |
Thanks all for your comments, there has been some genuinely useful comments. Definitely ones along the lines of don't challenge / confront / argue - I think you're probably right, certainly makes sense to try and avoid the subject entirely. However, it is something I find difficult especially with some of the chuff he likes and shares on Facebook!
Apologies if I offended anybody around the same age, that wasn't my intention. I was just trying to think of a justification for his views and considered that in his younger years etc. those views were possibly more accepted? Especially in rural Suffolk.
One thing that I do think is true that people have touched on is the presence of mainstream media with headlines purely created to cause panic, alarm and over-reaction. I do think there is definitely an element of not understanding how media works, how it can really influence the way people think and act - and react to others. It honestly makes me very sad. |
"One thing that I do think is true that people have touched on is the presence of mainstream media with headlines purely created to cause panic, alarm and over-reaction."
That is definatly the case with some people of a certain age - I nearly have to ban my F in L from the DM!
But it works the other way - younger people are more prone to influence by Social media. Jeremy Corbyn understood as much in the GE didn't he. and is Social media any less honest than main stream print?! | |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:13 - Aug 31 with 3475 views | ipswich78 |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:05 - Aug 31 by Pinewoodblue |
Regardless of how much you feel uncomfortable about some of your fathers characteristics don't forget he did a good job bringing you up, just be thankful. |
And you are 100% correct on this, looking back there is very little I could complain about growing up. As a 'Dad' he is brilliant. | |
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| on 14:14 - Aug 31 with 3474 views | _ |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 12:42 - Aug 31 by GlasgowBlue |
Is he bigoted? Or is he just a product of a less enlightened age?
I would imagine that in a couple of generations time nobody will hold the views on race and sexual preference that your dad does.
Rather than give him a hard time, love him and spend as many pleasurable hours as you can with him. Because one day he won't be there. |
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| on 14:17 - Aug 31 with 3467 views | _ |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:41 - Aug 31 by GunnsAirkick |
I think that sort of ignorance you described in your second paragraph comes from living in a rural area a lot of the time, I've come across similar a lot in the countryside but perhaps not quite that level of bigotry that often.
can only think of one person I've known who would say something that bad, my Sister's ex and he is only in his early 30's which makes it even worse.
I agree with your last bit, you kind of have to let it wash over you a bit, I think a lot of the time these comments are made from an ignorant standpoint and get normalised.
Unless they're a full on Nazi or something you have to let some things slide, as you say it doesn't define the person as a whole. |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:21 - Aug 31 with 3458 views | Ryorry |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:41 - Aug 31 by GunnsAirkick |
I think that sort of ignorance you described in your second paragraph comes from living in a rural area a lot of the time, I've come across similar a lot in the countryside but perhaps not quite that level of bigotry that often.
can only think of one person I've known who would say something that bad, my Sister's ex and he is only in his early 30's which makes it even worse.
I agree with your last bit, you kind of have to let it wash over you a bit, I think a lot of the time these comments are made from an ignorant standpoint and get normalised.
Unless they're a full on Nazi or something you have to let some things slide, as you say it doesn't define the person as a whole. |
Seems to me that you're being a bit "ruralist" there!
The people I've known in this very rural area where I've lived for the past 25 years are no more racist or bigoted than people anywhere else. |  |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:25 - Aug 31 with 3455 views | jaykay |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:27 - Aug 31 by BergholtBru |
People have a right to hold what views they like. We`ll soon be shopping our parents to the thought police if they dare to utter something we don`t consider "acceptable. How "Orwellian". Ffs just accept other people have differing views and get on with life!! |
i think the poster asked the forum this question " How would you deal with all of the above?" so out of good manners some offered advice. your advice to him would be
Ffs just accept other people have differing views and get on with life!! |  |
| forensic experts say footers and spruces fingerprints were not found at the scene after the weekends rows |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:29 - Aug 31 with 3449 views | SpruceMoose |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 11:29 - Aug 31 by Nazemariner |
You dont!
You learn to understand that the world was a very different place during his formative years, and that your take on things is not the only one of any importance. |
To be fair, whilst the world was a different place, the old folks of today also had the opportunity to grow up and live through some of the greatest periods of change and advancement in regards to equality, diversity and human rights. You'd think that some of them would have embraced those experiences a little more. [Post edited 31 Aug 2017 14:30]
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| Pronouns: He/Him/His.
"Imagine being a heterosexual white male in Britain at this moment. How bad is that. Everything you say is racist, everything you say is homophobic. The Woke community have really f****d this country." | | Poll: | Selectamod |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:36 - Aug 31 with 3441 views | tcblue |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:52 - Aug 31 by Mullet |
Not at all, I'm happy to be one if it means not tolerating racism, homophobia etc. within society. Although I'd take Karl Popper's approach on the chin.
However you're then implying I have no rational basis or experience of bigotry so the cute thought falls down there.
It's often held up by those people who know their views are wrong/disgusting/laughable as some sort of defence though. Hence why we've got posters conflating "freedom of speech" and tolerance with whether these views are correct. Which they demonstrably aren't and was my point. |
+1. I often wish that there was a licence to use the internet, and part of the test included having to read the paradox of tolerance.... | | | |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 15:38 - Aug 31 with 3397 views | Axeldalai_lama |
It's a difficult one, and definitely one I can relate to.
I think it comes down to attitude, on both sides. Both my parents are in their mid 60s and have broadly similar views, both brexiteers, too many foreigners, all on benefits etc. The difference comes in their attitudes and arguments when it does ever come up in conversation(and mine, to be fair).
My Dad is relatively reasoned, and can bring up a couple of points that I can at least accept if not agree with, whereas my Mum will have no rhyme or reason in her rambling, jumping all over the show, contradicting herself and fitting in as many dail mail falsehoods as she can.
Therefore I can have relatively quick, straightforward agree to disagree chats with my Dad, even if it does annoy sometimes. With my Mum on the other hand we can have full on slanging matches that can take forever as I try to pin her down on what she's actually trying to say, and how it all fits together.
It's as much my attitude as theirs in both cases. I realise that my Dad, and to a lesser extent me, hold back our full on opposing views so that we can keep it pretty civilised. Whereas my mum and me both know exactly what buttons to press with each other.
Interesting though, that it's not specifically the views that are the problem, per se, just the way they are expressed and the way I bite.
None of which helps in terms of advice, I guess if you can keep both sides civil and the more frustrating arguments buried it doesn't need to be a problem. But if you and they both keep bringing it up/ reacting it does become a bigger issue.
So much easier said than done though; I know next time they're up I'll be thinking, 'don't argue with mum, don't argue with mum', and ten minutes later we'd have snowballed into a ridiculous row about too many ethnics on Great British Bake off via benefit cheats and not enough/too many council houses!
Parents, who'd have em?! |  | | |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 15:47 - Aug 31 with 3390 views | Number_Nine |
My dad was like that.
He was convinced that people like Eddie Izzard would corrupt his grand children.
Dad is dead and the grand children are not gay.
Ignorance.
I wonder if he had an 'experience' during National Service.... |  |
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| on 16:02 - Aug 31 with 3380 views | _ |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 15:47 - Aug 31 by Number_Nine |
My dad was like that.
He was convinced that people like Eddie Izzard would corrupt his grand children.
Dad is dead and the grand children are not gay.
Ignorance.
I wonder if he had an 'experience' during National Service.... |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 16:08 - Aug 31 with 3369 views | Ryorry |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:29 - Aug 31 by SpruceMoose |
To be fair, whilst the world was a different place, the old folks of today also had the opportunity to grow up and live through some of the greatest periods of change and advancement in regards to equality, diversity and human rights. You'd think that some of them would have embraced those experiences a little more. [Post edited 31 Aug 2017 14:30]
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Some of us have!!!!!
And not just "a little" ... [Post edited 31 Aug 2017 16:10]
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 16:26 - Aug 31 with 3343 views | Ryorry |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 16:20 - Aug 31 by SpruceMoose |
I always knew you were one of the good guys  |
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| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 17:01 - Aug 31 with 3317 views | FrowsyArmLarry |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 14:08 - Aug 31 by Vic |
But the the problem I have with the word is that it is common to use it towards people are hold different opinions and beliefs but are not intolerant of others. Just because a person doesn't hold to the current world view on a particular subject doesn't necessarily make them bigoted (intolerant) does it!
If, for example we disagreed on the issue of sexuality which of us would be the 'bigot'? Surely it would be neither of us unless we were not able to tolerate each others opinions. It's not the disagreement but the intolerance that makes a bigot is it not. Or are you saying that simply having a belief (however gentle, and tactful and thoughtful the person is) that others disagree with makes the person a bigot? |
I very much doubt that anyone arguing the point in this thread actually knows what the definition of bigot is. | | | |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 17:04 - Aug 31 with 3312 views | FrowsyArmLarry |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 13:54 - Aug 31 by Mullet |
The right to hold a religion is, I'm not sure anyone argues that all religions are therefore correct (possibly Hindus by in a very different context). |
But if someone thinks their religion makes them a better person they think that non believers are lesser people by default.
That's bigotry, and is why all religion should be banned | | | |
| on 17:05 - Aug 31 with 3310 views | _ |
| How do you deal with a bigoted parent? on 17:01 - Aug 31 by FrowsyArmLarry |
I very much doubt that anyone arguing the point in this thread actually knows what the definition of bigot is. |
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