| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. 16:11 - Aug 30 with 3181 views | FBI |
Okay, this is here because none of my colleagues will see it so I can talk freely.
I was made redundant in January 2021 after 15 years with the National Trust. Three months ago I landed a slightly better job in my local Museum, run by the District Council but mostly autonomous, as Operations Manager. All good: nothing I can't handle and all stuff I'm good at. Something I didn't expect to get at 55.
Thing is, it's making me ill. Last week I turned around and went home for two days. Couldn't cope or face being there.
The place is a sh!tshow: poorly managed and with a small team who're suffering badly from Stockholm Syndrome. They've stopped caring that it's crap and have disconnected. I can see a hundred ways to get it run better but have neither the authority nor the support to do it, despite fine words further up the food chain. Systems are clunky, little is done well and nobody wants to change. Plus I think one of my direct reports is passive-agressively resisting me although I can't prove it.
I finally cracked and told the wife at the weekend, who had seen it coming but of course it's not as though I can just quit, not under the current economic climate anyway. She's being lovely about it but there isn't really a practical way out just yet so I have to soldier on for now although I've started looking at other jobs.
For the first time ever, I'm a bloody mess and it's not a pleasant feeling. Anyone else been in a similar situation got any tips on ways to get past this? |  |
| |  |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 16:28 - Aug 30 with 2618 views | thebooks |
Not as bad, but have a similar feeling having moved jobs a few months back (at the age of 50). I'm in a larger bureacracy than before and just don't have the authority to actually get anything done. Couple that with everyone else being established, and it's difficult. And not much fun.
I wish I could offer advice, but like you I can't leave because we need my salary. I guess just to say you're not the only one experiencing this kind of thing. |  | | |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 16:30 - Aug 30 with 2608 views | noggin |
When I first moved out here, although doing the same job, it was like going back 30 years. At first it frustrated me but I realised, it's only a job and letting it stress me was a waste of energy. I just went with it and stopped letting it frustrate me. It's only a job. |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 16:31 - Aug 30 with 2593 views | UB9Blue |
Sorry to hear about your predicament.
If any job is making you unhappy and keeping you awake then you need to do something and soon.
Personally I woukd have a frank and honset discussio with your line boss, setting out your concerns along with your thoughts on areas that the business could improve. Get it down in writing either as an agenda or a follow up.
If this does not initiate change then go up the line to the next level.
Ultimately, if they do not respond then get out. You cannot waste life getting stressed by people or businesses that do not appear interested in investing in their staff or business.
You may find that once you have a plan moving forward it could take the pressure off a bit and let you focus on other options elsewhere. |  | | |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 16:34 - Aug 30 with 2564 views | clive_baker |
I'm sorry to hear about this FBI. I had a similar thing, although I never knew how much of it was down to pressures of becoming a parent, Covid, work or whatever else but a couple of years ago I lost all confidence in my ability at work, imposter syndrome I guess. Different to what you're experiencing, but despite getting praise from above, bonuses etc and good reviews I thought I was a shambles and effectively had a break down. The Sunday evning dread was like nothing I can describe, I had never really had that before or since. I remember once I had to pull the car over once on the M6 as I felt physically sick at everything that was going on. The stress of needing to provide, wife was off work at the time, we were trying to move house and I felt completely trapped in the job. Perhaps ask yourself is it only work, or is it something else contributing?
I don't have a lot of advice other than to say I get it. My wife told me to care less, I'm not convinced its the best advice in that its so much easier said than done of course, but I kind of understand it. I took a lot on my shoulders, when in the grand scheme of things we weren't curing diseases, it was all relatively superficial, wealthy people at the top getting more wealthy. I saw people around me seemingly 'coasting' which annoyed me, and while I never wanted to join them, I certainly couldn't beat them, and you know the expression. I think there was some truth in trying to take it all less personally. It's just a job, nobody on their death bed ever said they wish they worked more. It pays the bills, you do a good job, that's the contract and if you can look at yourself and know you are doing your bit then you should be proud. You don't sign up for all this other stress and certainly don't get paid for it. For me I did try and do that, I'm not saying I coasted and downed tools but I just did my role, took my pay, kept my head down. It's out of character for me but it made it more managable for the next 12 months before moving to do something different.
Someone once said to me when it comes to stress, ask yourself if it'll matter in 6 months time. Its funny how few of the things we stress about will matter.
Good luck with it, it will get better trust me. DM always open if you need to vent to someone. |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 16:39 - Aug 30 with 2526 views | FBI |
You guys are bloody awesome.
Thank you. | |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 16:56 - Aug 30 with 2444 views | jeera |
Love that you actually care about your job the way you clearly do, especially something like yours which should, by default, be run by people who are passionate.
So at least first of all, you know you're not the problem, but in fact a potential solution.
I would write down all you think is wrong, (and right), about the place and how it is run.
I would list all the things I believe should change and maybe outline on a separate sheet how you would go about those changes. Methodically, not emotionally.
And of course which things you think are already right and explain that on another sheet too.
One, it may help you focus, but also I would be tempted to send it in to someone further up the chain of command.
You will either get the decision made for you if you should leave, or find yourself promoted to a place where you can implement those changes.
Or just do it for yourself if you're not ready to share any of it. The info will still be there for another day if a position becomes available. [Post edited 30 Aug 2022 17:06]
|  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 17:05 - Aug 30 with 2372 views | lowhouseblue |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 16:56 - Aug 30 by jeera |
Love that you actually care about your job the way you clearly do, especially something like yours which should, by default, be run by people who are passionate.
So at least first of all, you know you're not the problem, but in fact a potential solution.
I would write down all you think is wrong, (and right), about the place and how it is run.
I would list all the things I believe should change and maybe outline on a separate sheet how you would go about those changes. Methodically, not emotionally.
And of course which things you think are already right and explain that on another sheet too.
One, it may help you focus, but also I would be tempted to send it in to someone further up the chain of command.
You will either get the decision made for you if you should leave, or find yourself promoted to a place where you can implement those changes.
Or just do it for yourself if you're not ready to share any of it. The info will still be there for another day if a position becomes available. [Post edited 30 Aug 2022 17:06]
|
i agree with this. tell yourself you're a consultant and write a report on what's wrong, what's write and how changes could be made. even if they don't like it you've taken control of your own situation and made your position into a positive. in the short-term it provides you with a narrative as to why you're there. it uses your skills and your brain, and let's you take the initiative. it's proactively making a silk purse out of that other thing. |  |
| And so as the loose-bowelled pigeon of time swoops low over the unsuspecting tourist of destiny, and the flatulent skunk of fate wanders into the air-conditioning system of eternity, I notice it's the end of the show |
| |
Login to get fewer ads
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 17:08 - Aug 30 with 2341 views | Illinoisblue |
Never underestimate what stress can do to you, especially work related stress. Burnout is real and can seriously affect you. My previous job I was so wrapped up in I didn’t realize it was exhausting and draining me. The 14 - 16 hour days, the endless meetings with global teams, never ending requests, nobody ever happy… it all takes a toll. So much so for the month after I quit I couldn’t recall names of people I’d worked with every day. Genuinely couldn’t recall their names. Guessing that’s an indication of trauma or stress or just numbing out the horror!
Go carefully and manage your own expectations. It is only work. You are more important. |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 17:08 - Aug 30 with 2334 views | IpswichKnight |
I bet it feels a bit better just sharing it.
I feel the pain. I had two brilliant jobs I loved that I lost to redundancy, I took a job in the same field for a big company I walked into that on my first day to find the line manager who hired me had quit the week before and my new line manager was away on holiday and she was going to change my job from an analyst to a sales consultant, I should have turned around and walked right out then. Instead I made myself incredibly unhappy doing a job I never wanted with a line manager who didn’t want me there I finally quit 3 weeks before Xmas as just didn’t want to be miserable over Xmas.
I did get another job a week after Xmas which lasted just over a year before I left as I had concerns over there lack concern over AML and anti Fraud procedures. I’m now in a job that has promoted me twice and gives me opportunities to learn new things. | | | |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 17:11 - Aug 30 with 2304 views | J2BLUE |
It's a horrible situation when you hate your job. I had it for a long time. It dominates your entire life doesn't it? When you're there you're miserable. When you're not there you dread going back. Is there any way you could get out? Nothing is more important than your mental health. If you can financially quit then you should consider it.
If not, google quiet quitting. Do the bare minimum and just coast while you look for something else. If they don't care, why should you? |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 17:13 - Aug 30 with 2273 views | PrideOfTheEast |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 16:34 - Aug 30 by clive_baker |
I'm sorry to hear about this FBI. I had a similar thing, although I never knew how much of it was down to pressures of becoming a parent, Covid, work or whatever else but a couple of years ago I lost all confidence in my ability at work, imposter syndrome I guess. Different to what you're experiencing, but despite getting praise from above, bonuses etc and good reviews I thought I was a shambles and effectively had a break down. The Sunday evning dread was like nothing I can describe, I had never really had that before or since. I remember once I had to pull the car over once on the M6 as I felt physically sick at everything that was going on. The stress of needing to provide, wife was off work at the time, we were trying to move house and I felt completely trapped in the job. Perhaps ask yourself is it only work, or is it something else contributing?
I don't have a lot of advice other than to say I get it. My wife told me to care less, I'm not convinced its the best advice in that its so much easier said than done of course, but I kind of understand it. I took a lot on my shoulders, when in the grand scheme of things we weren't curing diseases, it was all relatively superficial, wealthy people at the top getting more wealthy. I saw people around me seemingly 'coasting' which annoyed me, and while I never wanted to join them, I certainly couldn't beat them, and you know the expression. I think there was some truth in trying to take it all less personally. It's just a job, nobody on their death bed ever said they wish they worked more. It pays the bills, you do a good job, that's the contract and if you can look at yourself and know you are doing your bit then you should be proud. You don't sign up for all this other stress and certainly don't get paid for it. For me I did try and do that, I'm not saying I coasted and downed tools but I just did my role, took my pay, kept my head down. It's out of character for me but it made it more managable for the next 12 months before moving to do something different.
Someone once said to me when it comes to stress, ask yourself if it'll matter in 6 months time. Its funny how few of the things we stress about will matter.
Good luck with it, it will get better trust me. DM always open if you need to vent to someone. |
That's a great post - glad you got through it and have been able to reflect. | | | |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 17:44 - Aug 30 with 2058 views | BlueandTruesince82 |
One thing I'd say is everyone hates their new job for thr 1st 6 months, you're still getting used to everything but if you don't want to stock around get on LI, follow local recruiters, they above anyone understand that sometimes we take a job and its just wrong, they will be the most dialled in to the local market and they will be able to explain the background to potential employers before you even sit down, though you'll no doubt end up explaining it again but stick to the script agreed with the recruiter. I know its a bit anecdotal but I do believe it's easier to get a job when you already have one.... All I would say is try and find agencies doing something a bit different, many traditional agencies are not as candidate centric as they claim. Having said that the more people aware of your CV the better so don't exclude them but if you can find someone doing things a bit different, good LI presence understands the experice of job hunters then actively try to speak to someone there.
If you can't wait that long, circumstances depending of course and I note your comments about the economic climate, but if its making you ill then quit or at least go to your managers(s) and threaten to. If that's the route you go down, get your plan together, advise them again of all the issues you see and how you propose to change them and why you think it's needed. Tell them you are prepared to take on that challenge but you can't and won't without support and authority so it's that or you walk.
If at any point they say that's just how we've always done it point out that is nor a reason to keep doing something that isn't working.
Also could you pivot to something short term? local Tesco or something to keep some money coming in whilst you look for something more suitable. |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 18:19 - Aug 30 with 1943 views | factual_blue |
I can understand how you feel, having had a terrible time at work about 30 years ago that ended up with me getting so stressed out I ended up with chicken pox. I didn't have any alternative than to keep going,
I was, I guess lucky to the extent that the main work cause of my stress was an absolutely useless immediate boss (who'd been dumped on the team because of issues in her previous role). After about six weeks off, and her having been 'encouraged' to take early retirement, I was able to return. Slowly things got better.
Really the only advice I can suggest is to find somebody, entirely independent of your work and domestic life, to talk to. I think 'talking therapies are much more readily available on the NHS these days, so see your GP (I think you can possibly bypass that though and self-refer for CBT etc on line).
Sorry to hear BTW the NT let you go. It's been a tough time for them (I know as I'm a NT volunteer). Still, at least you should have been given life membership on leaving if you'd done 15 years! [Post edited 30 Aug 2022 18:21]
|  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 18:21 - Aug 30 with 1922 views | chicoazul |
If they have an anonymous whistle blowing helpline or similar it may help to use it. It may not do much but it could make you feel like you’ve taken action and done something! All the best my friend. |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 18:26 - Aug 30 with 1894 views | Radlett_blue |
At 47 I was made redundant & managed to get a reasonably well paid job at an institution which I thought was well respected. I was dismayed on day 1 when I found out that the role was diametrically different from what had been described & I knew this would put me on a collision course with my new boss. I tried to steer a middle course as I had a wife & 2 children aged 10 & 12 so needed the job. Within less than 3 months the guy who had recruited me left & I was left with the boss with whom I had been set on a collision course. He tried to fire me, but sought out HR, who realised he was near impossible to work with so an uneasy truce ensued. This was hugely stressful as my boss was a huge liar, as well as being incompetent. However, I managed to tough it out & managed 13 years before retiring.
I think the relevance to your situation is to decide how important this job is to you & if it really matters, it's possible to go through the motions of doing a job without upsetting any apple carts or annoying anyone. I understand that you may hate doing this, but I bit my tongue on umpteen occasions in this job. I suggest you do this, while seeking more satisfying employment. [Post edited 30 Aug 2022 22:10]
|  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 18:39 - Aug 30 with 1823 views | NewcyBlue |
My last ship was a clusterfck.
I went on and toon it by the scruff of the neck. Threw my weight around and told it as it was. Standards were poor, the ship was dangerous. The people didn’t care.
I was aggressive, even to the superintendents ashore that are in charge of the ship.
The captain of the ship actively avoided me, he would hide in his cabin.
But, I took my crew aside and tore into them. Told them it wasn’t a ship to be proud of, but I would make sure it would be. With their help. It would be hard work. But it would be a ship that crew would want to go to.
When the captains changed the new one asked how I was to the old one. The old one said “he’s quite aggressive but let him do his job”.
Sure enough by the time I left I had a plan in place, that we were working on, to improve the ship.
People just had to continue my work.
I’m off to a different ship this week, and will scope out the situation and react accordingly.
Sometimes you’ve got to upset people to improve standards.
People could have died due to some of the stuff on that ship, nobody had cared.
If your current management style hasn’t been working, change it. There is always one more thing that you can do. And after that there is always one more thing. |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:00 - Aug 30 with 1687 views | BlueandTruesince82 |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 18:39 - Aug 30 by NewcyBlue |
My last ship was a clusterfck.
I went on and toon it by the scruff of the neck. Threw my weight around and told it as it was. Standards were poor, the ship was dangerous. The people didn’t care.
I was aggressive, even to the superintendents ashore that are in charge of the ship.
The captain of the ship actively avoided me, he would hide in his cabin.
But, I took my crew aside and tore into them. Told them it wasn’t a ship to be proud of, but I would make sure it would be. With their help. It would be hard work. But it would be a ship that crew would want to go to.
When the captains changed the new one asked how I was to the old one. The old one said “he’s quite aggressive but let him do his job”.
Sure enough by the time I left I had a plan in place, that we were working on, to improve the ship.
People just had to continue my work.
I’m off to a different ship this week, and will scope out the situation and react accordingly.
Sometimes you’ve got to upset people to improve standards.
People could have died due to some of the stuff on that ship, nobody had cared.
If your current management style hasn’t been working, change it. There is always one more thing that you can do. And after that there is always one more thing. |
Turn the ship around? | |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:07 - Aug 30 with 1669 views | NewcyBlue |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:00 - Aug 30 by BlueandTruesince82 |
Turn the ship around? |
That is a fantastic book!
Turn this ship around by L David Marquet. Some brilliant management ideas in there.
Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin.
Two books I recommend to all my officers and cadets. | |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:17 - Aug 30 with 1620 views | pointofblue |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 17:05 - Aug 30 by lowhouseblue |
i agree with this. tell yourself you're a consultant and write a report on what's wrong, what's write and how changes could be made. even if they don't like it you've taken control of your own situation and made your position into a positive. in the short-term it provides you with a narrative as to why you're there. it uses your skills and your brain, and let's you take the initiative. it's proactively making a silk purse out of that other thing. |
I agree with this. One of my old manager's had a saying - "don't tell me what's wrong, tell me how you want to fix it". Getting it down in paper may help to clear you head but also gives you an approach to say what changes you wish to make and how you'd like to implement them. They may say some of them have been tried already, or be able to add their own ideas so it feels like you're moving forward.
Best of luck - it's horrible when you're in a job you love but don't feel like you're getting the support to do it to the best of your ability. | |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:18 - Aug 30 with 1611 views | bluelagos |
Couple of things jump out at me - and I'll quote a couple of colleagues when I was new to a job and unhappy with what I found.
Firstly, if you can't change your people, change your people. And you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs.
That said - the stress of changing things may not be worth the aggro - only you can judge that. But if you decide you need to be elsewhere then I'd simply look to change jobs tbh. |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:23 - Aug 30 with 1563 views | jeera |
May I also add part of me was a little disappointed to find you're not in the FBI.
Just putting it out there. | |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:30 - Aug 30 with 1535 views | Plums |
First up, don’t be embarrassed. As you can see by this thread, your experience is a shared one. I ended up with a Bells Palsy as a result of workplace stress and I see someone else had chickenpox which I believe is the same virus. Your health must come first.
There’s loads of good advice here but before you act on any of it, I would suggest you work out what you want. Do you want to make the museum and your role better or have you gone beyond that? If so, work on your exit plan and put it into action. If you want to make it work, I suspect the key is ‘what’s in it for me’. If you can get that across to your colleagues as you make improvements, the early adopters will get on board and others will follow. It sounds as though the ‘care less’ situation isn’t right for you - yet.
Whatever course of action you take, look after yourself first. |  |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:32 - Aug 30 with 1526 views | FBI |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:23 - Aug 30 by jeera |
May I also add part of me was a little disappointed to find you're not in the FBI.
Just putting it out there. |
Heheh. A bloke in a former (great) job thought I was a gentleman from the Subcontinent and described me as "Y'know, that ... Effing Big Indian..." I had a suntan... | |
| |
| New job stress: serious and frankly slightly embarrassing post. on 19:33 - Aug 30 with 1506 views | FBI |
More awesomeness. Thank you all xx | |
| |
| |
By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions.
