|Pig Tales - An Old Story Brought Bang Up to Date|
Written by roysboys on Wednesday, 5th Feb 2014 18:39
Once Upon a Time, not very long ago, not far away, there was country town with a problem, a big problem. The Town was called PigSwich and in the town there was a wonderful stydium in PigMan Road and no matter how well the locals built their stydium it kept getting battered by the local wolves who kicked balls at it and knocked it down.
One sunny day, a very secretive, invisible rich butcher, let's called him Porcus Evans, came to town and said, through his messengers, "I am going to help you build a new stydium that will foil those dastardly wolves and I know just the pigs to help me".
And so he got an ex-Olympigian called Simon Pigg and pig legend Moody PigRoy and said, “Here is lots of money. Build me a stydium to stop the wolves’’. And so Simon Pigg and Moody PigRoy looked around and said to Porcus "We are going to construct a stydium from the most expensive straw that we can find".
Porcus questioned whether straw was wise move but Simon Pigg and Moody PigRoy convinced him they could save his bacon. They spent millions and millions on straw of all shapes and sizes, but mostly on Irish straw, but unfortunately their costly straw just didn’t keep out the wolves.
One of Moody PigRoy’s rasher decisions was to send one of the best ever piglets to market where he sold for next to nothing. He even got rid of his Trotter. Although Porcus persevered it just wasn’t working and things turned sow-er.
Eventually Porcus got fed up and had PigRoy slaughtered. He found a new porker called PaulPig. Now PaulPig had a different idea. "I will build you a stydium from lots of assorted sticks. I’ve done it before, a long time ago. It won’t cost you as much as the last time because I’m going to borrow most of the sticks from other people. I’ve even come up with a revolutionary diamond structure of very old borrowed sticks to base the stydium around."
"Sticks?" said Porcus. "Trust me," said PaulPig. "I’ll make PigMan Road the best joint in town!" He even enlisted the helped of the previously prolific Pork Chops! For a while, it was quite exciting especially when Piggy Bullard was borrowed. But like the straw stydium, the stick version turned out to be substandard and PaulPig’s style was a bit of a boar, so the locals called for a new idea.
So Porcus sent PaulPig to the abattoir and found a couple of wily old hogs, Mick McPiggy and TC Pig. Porcus was desperate. "Please can you build me a stydium to keep out the wolves?". "Of course," said Mick McPiggy, "I know how. Some of my best friends are Wolves!"
And so Mick McPiggy and TC Pig chose to build their stydium out of bricks. "Good decision," said Porcus "But there is no more money". So McPiggy and TC set about their task and found some free bricks, some out of contract bricks, they played swapsy bricks and even got some bricks from the Wolves.
Thankfully they found David McGoldBrick who turned out to be the best free brick of all time! The brick stydium didn’t look great but had a good atmosphere and withstood most of the wolves best efforts to knock it down. "Besides," Mick McPiggy said with a knowing wry smile, "We are in a different league to those Wolves."
The problem was the rules had changed and Porcus says he isn’t allowed to spend any more of his Olympig Millions – even though Harry Pigknapp, Piggy Davies et al seem to be spending as much as they like.
The locals are pleased with the brick stydium and like McPiggy and TC but, oh how they wish that they had the money that PigRoy and PaulPig had wasted on their straw and sticks. What could McPiggy and TC achieve if only they had better bricks ? They could even be prime pork - Premier Pigs!
Most fairy stories end in triumph. But then most fairy stories don’t have to comply with the Championship's own version of the UEFA Financial Fair Play regulations. It’s a case of right heroes, wrong time.
But with McPiggy holding the chopper, at least we’ve got a chance of living happily ever after. Come on you Piggys!
Please report offensive, libellous or inappropriate posts by using the links provided.
Blogs by roysboys
Blogs 270 bloggers
Climbing Up the Walls by Mullet
The world has undoubtedly changed and with it, until some indeterminate point, football has done too. Not only have we seen another club disappear as the fans of Macclesfield joined those of Bury in being locked out of the game, we might count ourselves lucky to only be locked out of Portman Road for our own good.
A Head in the Right Place by NormEmerges
A nice victory against Wigan, well played the Town, and you achieved it without what many consider our best player. For the second match in a row, Flynn Downes was left out because “his head wasn’t in the right place”.
Pyramid Strong by Mullet
On Friday the members of League One voted by majority to instigate a salary cap. In doing so they not only limit everybody in the division to spending £2.5m per season, but they limit themselves in making the transition to established second tier side or beyond.
We Should Encourage the Club and the League to Stream All Games by rugbytomc
In an ideal world, all League One clubs for next season would take the extra steps of temperature checks at the turnstiles with entry refused for anyone with a temperature and also insist on every fan entering the ground wearing a mask for the entirety of their time in the ground.
Euro Glory for Town by clivebleedingthomas
This was the season in which we had a realistic chance of winning the Treble - it sounds like complete fantasy now, but it happened. Our hopes of FA Cup glory had been finished, along with Kevin Beattie’s career as a Town player, at Villa Park.