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McCarthy - Ready for Season After a Disappointing Holiday.
Written by monty_radio on Monday, 8th May 2017 20:34

Flight crew announced at just before 2pm, same old; same old! Anyway, supped up and went off to check in. Several armed guys stood about, but was told it was to keep people in, not out. Nipped up for a coffee, but queue would have meant the flight would have started before I got served.

Eventually made it to the 747 where steward made us wait on tarmac while he lined us all up in formation against the seats in the cabin which looked pretty static to me, but was told we had to match up before anything could kick-off, even if the seats didn't seem to be very threatening to me. Stewards wanted us seated, but Terry and I said we preferred to stand with our arms folded, thank you.

Bermuda was no better than Barnsley. I thought my ol' town matched it really; a bit warmer, mebbe, and greener - but how many squillions does grass like that cost to maintain, eh! Decent pool at the hotel, but, as there were said to be sharks in the vicinity, we played it safe and kept out. We loaned a paddlin' pool, but didn't make much use of it in the end.

Waiters kept coming round the pool as we sat there keeping our togs on and kept offering us tequila or summat. Said it was a special promotion, but apparently they hadn't heard I'd already got two of 'em under my belt. I told 'em straight, I'm tellin' ya! Didn't seem that impressed really.

Next day, phone rang. It were Marcus: did I want the long conversation, or the short 'un? I asked 'im what the difference was. Turns out not much really, except the shorter one contained some allusion to mounting my bike and the longer one was a tape of Ian Milne fielding trick questions from so-called fans. Good ol' Marcus!

So me and Tel rearranged the deckchairs (hush yer mouth you fans at t'back) and he asked me to tell 'im again about 'ow long I'd been doin' this job and whether we could afford the Nuffield if we got Jonny Williams back. But I'm from Barnsley, me - NHS through and through, and I told 'im straight: if we 'ave to wait all season to get a glimpse, that's jus' what us'll do.

"Why not put 'im out on t'wing, boss, where no-one will notice e's crocked? suggested Tel - then, I remembered why I just luv 'im, luv 'im.

Before we left that poolside we'd picked our best Town team of real blokes that 'ad a player in there somewhere that none of those blinkered fans could see. Eh, that Cameron Stewart! By the time we'd done with him he played in every position in the back eight!

So I'spose, lookin' back, it not been such a bad 'oliday: tricky owner negotiations done; loans mapped out; formation sorted. I've just spotted a bloke over theer who may not know that I've teken clubs out of this league before, I''ll be in for lunch in a bit, Tel..................

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TR11BLU added 11:01 - May 9
It would be funny if not so near to reality :-(

SpiritOfJohn added 17:44 - May 9
Great title and some good observations :)

PortmanTerrorist added 07:31 - May 10
If he was such a proper bloke himself, after the season we have had, and assuming he is staying and knows it, he should be here sorting the squad out AHEAD of pre season.

Then, and only then, when round holes have been filled with acceptable standard round pegs, capable of getting us out of this league, do you reward yourself with a holiday. Seriously !

teevo added 08:24 - May 10
Wasn't sure at first where that was going, but it made me laugh loudly on a very quiet train. A little close to the truth as has been said. Looking forward to next installment

cat added 19:01 - May 12
That's a QUALITY read, great humour!!!! 😂
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