| The Warky Report: Reading (h) 10:48 - Dec 17 with 2193 views | Warkystache |
"Two weeks before Chrismuss Day and it bloody snows" moaned Terry last Monday, as though the Gods had conspired to make his personal time on earth as difficult as they could. "I 'avvent done me Chrismuss shoppin' yet" he added, gloomily. He hates shopping. He's told me that several times now. More than several times.
The snow appeared last Sunday, but it only counts from Monday when it mattered. Birmingham copped it badly; so badly that I was discouraged from attempting the journey up there and so worked from home/Colchester all week. It was smashing. The only down side was the term "working from home", which meant about two hours of solid actual work, and umpteen hours of tea-making, tea-drinking, feeding the birds, day-dreaming and general poncing about on emails to staff members who sent them titled "You jammy sod" or, more prosaically, "Lucky b*stard".
I saw a lot of Tel last week, hence him starring in this report. From the trials of clearing the light snow from the pavement outside the shop, dressed in a Hi-Viz jacket so that passing cars wouldn't flatten him (the road was a good twelve feet away; they'd have had to have been pissed) to the saga of his Christmas shopping, we've had it all. He's varied in mood from Albert Steptoe to Fletch in Porridge; crotchety pessimism to asinine phlegmatism. He even had a morning off on Wednesday to go to Colchester, which he spent mainly in Debenhams buying Mrs Tel some Clarins and Chanel make up and, incongruously, a Karcher jet washer "for 'er winnders, she carnt reach the top of our french'uns so this'll 'elp 'er". "Is that a Christmas present?" I asked. "It cost £72 in Argos" he said, slightly piqued. He'll probably even wrap it for her.
He joined me for a lunchtime pint on Monday (working from home - I took my laptop but the local didn't have the Wi-Fi running so I couldn't do much) and we squelched through the slush and left semi-melted snow on their wood floor. Paula's day of reckoning is fast coming so she's being used in the "emergency sub" bracket (and is probably better at it than Kevin Bru) which means she covers for the more-than-odd occasion Tel fancies a bit of time away from the shop. "She's more'n'capable" he said, quietening his conscience as he sipped his San Miguel by the fire.
The move to Spain is still on the backburner; the sale of his father-in-law's former home in Gants Hill still unresolved. "Thinkin' of takin' it off the market to modernise the place; old Tony won't like it, 'e just wants a quick sale". He and Mrs Tel are Christmassing at home this year, with the neighbours invited round for drinks on the 25th in the evening. "Would 'ave invited yer but yew'll be at yer folks wontcher?" he stated. I have, however, been invited for Boxing Day eve, after the QPR game, for what he calls "a bit of a shindig - we're 'aving Aberdeen H'angus fillet steak'n'chips and champers and a good few bottles o'red" which I've graciously accepted. "Should be a larf" said Tel. "Rob'n'his missus are coming'n'all".
He's spending next weekend in Stisted with the in-law's. "Tony's booked his lad and me'n'im to see the new Star Wars at Freeport on Saturdy; the wimmin are goin' shoppin'
for stuff". He can't, or doesn't want to, make the QPR game on Boxing Day ("ravver stay 'ome and 'elp the missus prepare the steaks or she'll cook 'em to deaf"). I tried, dear reader, I tried. I mentioned Derby at home on the 30th and he thought he might be able to come to that so....I'll keep you posted for developments.
The snow had cleared locally by Monday night, but Brum was still ankle-deep so I went to my local office in Colchester on Tuesday. It was like stepping back in time. Christmas jumpers, photocopiers that don't work, Quality Street on every floor (just the toffee ones left), silver tinsel festooned over computers. Did my stuff and left by 4pm.
Tel's shop decorations were done by Paula, as ever. She had a budget of £26. The new fairy lights on the fag cupboard sparkled on and off like a Vegas motel sign. The gold and red tinsel made the porn mags a bit festive. The central big paper bauble rocked violently with the opening of the door. "Dun a good job int'she?" said Tel, impressed despite himself. It certainly looked a well-invested twenty quid. She'll be missed when she starts at Morrisons on the 6th of Jan. Tel's already set up her Xmas bonus; he's giving her £1000 as a thank you and as a leaving gift. It's more than generous and he's looking forward to a few tears when he gives it to her on Friday; I can't help feeling she's earned it.
Saturday dawned snowless, a bit warmer than the week preceding it. I was up at seven. I've long-since stopped having tea on the patio (I'm not a masochist) but I did feed the birds. Quick trip to Tel's, pick up weekend quickslip and a few horse bets with my papers and my milk and fags. We're divvying up later today and should be in line for £400 each; we decided to keep the odd £68 in the kitty for the Xmas games. Tel did Ipswich to beat Reading, which made me think we'd lose. We always do when he picks us to win.
The train in was packed with people on mobiles, calling relatives in Diss and Norwich to tell them when they'd be there. Do folk have rellies to stay for Xmas this early? Can't think of anything worse. This is the week when you WANT a bit of peace and quiet, before the festivities kick in and your life's not your own. Anyway, they all seemed in a jolly sort of mood, with their Hermes bags and their rolls of Paperchase gift wrap.
Got to Ipswich, went into town, dodged the market shoppers in their warm coats and bobble hats, joined my mates, ate ribs and drank beer and scotches (keep out the incipient chill down at PR and help my throat for the singing), gave the Sally Army outside the SBR my loose change (£2.73 although I then found another two quid in my pocket when I got in, which made me feel a bit like Scrooge). Met young Luke, enquired after my tickets to the Owl Sanctuary he'd promised me on this very board (he'd forgotten; my mum'll be disappointed on Xmas Day but don't feel bad about it Luke, eh?) and stood awaiting the kick-off, early enough for once to see the teams enter the pitch.
I was yawning when Connolly scored. Unexpectedly. Third-minute openers always discombobulate me. From where we stood, we thought it'd gone wide, so the cheer was delayed, like an X-Factor result confirmation. Then Reading decided to look a bit dangerous for the rest of the half, until we scored again. The Joey Garner song started, stuttered a bit and then Block 6 started again. We'd be crap as a choir. People don't bother with the end bit, I've noticed. "We've got Joey Garner" over and over. I'm sure "Glad all Over" had a last "Now that you're mine"?.
Half time and the Sally army, possibly in revenge for my not giving them the extra two quid, replaced the penalty shoot-out as the entertainment. They didn't do "Stop the cavalry" though, so I felt justified. Second half and we looked to catch Reading out on the break. Santi nearly gave us a proper Xmas pressie for 3-0, but his shot from a well-worked free-kick was hacked away off the line by the leg of their defender. The whistle went, we saluted the Chambo fist-pump and went home content with a job well done.
The train was packed with happy campers in Ipswich scarves and bobble hats and coats. Roll on Wolves next week. Roll on Terry's latest dilemma. Roll on Friday when I'm off again. Roll on that push for the play-offs. |  |
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| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:22 - Dec 17 with 2128 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Lovely. I knew that Luke must be a wrong'un....who wouldn't want tickets to the owl sanctuary ! Also do you think they are saving the Christmas carol cheer leaders for nearer to the big day ? Can't wait ! |  |
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| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:24 - Dec 17 with 2121 views | 12th_Man |
Great read you and Luke landed on me when we scored 1st goal bit scary |  |
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| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:24 - Dec 17 with 2125 views | EdwardStone |
Reading The Warky Report is always one of life's great pleasures
Thank you for writing |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:26 - Dec 17 with 2125 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:24 - Dec 17 by 12th_Man |
Great read you and Luke landed on me when we scored 1st goal bit scary |
Sorry mate! Least I know who you are now!!!
Couldn't resist jumping on little Lukey when we scored. He goes down easy, doesn't he? | |
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| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 12:47 - Dec 17 with 2054 views | Benters2 |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:26 - Dec 17 by Warkystache |
Sorry mate! Least I know who you are now!!!
Couldn't resist jumping on little Lukey when we scored. He goes down easy, doesn't he? |
I was amazed how much Lukey he had grown at the Forest game. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 13:49 - Dec 17 with 2013 views | Luk38644 |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:26 - Dec 17 by Warkystache |
Sorry mate! Least I know who you are now!!!
Couldn't resist jumping on little Lukey when we scored. He goes down easy, doesn't he? |
I did notice you conveniently left the bit out where you're huge and used Connolly's goal as an excuse to manhandle me! |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 13:50 - Dec 17 with 2008 views | Luk38644 |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:24 - Dec 17 by 12th_Man |
Great read you and Luke landed on me when we scored 1st goal bit scary |
Sorry mate but I'm sure you can understand me failing to hold my ground when jumped on by that big old oaf! | | | |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 13:50 - Dec 17 with 2004 views | Luk38644 |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 11:22 - Dec 17 by BanksterDebtSlave |
Lovely. I knew that Luke must be a wrong'un....who wouldn't want tickets to the owl sanctuary ! Also do you think they are saving the Christmas carol cheer leaders for nearer to the big day ? Can't wait ! |
I still have no idea what he's on about, it's the first thing he said to me. | | | |
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| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 14:58 - Dec 17 with 1934 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| The Warky Report: Reading (h) on 13:50 - Dec 17 by Luk38644 |
I still have no idea what he's on about, it's the first thing he said to me. |
He has another Luke in his life......!
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