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Cool Accountant
at 16:53 6 Jan 2020

Went to see my Accountant today, self employed yada yada

Silver haired fella, slight Scottish accent

Turns out that he went to the same Glasgow school as J Wark….played against/with him numerous times at schoolboy level

Says that Warky, even at those tender years, could hit a deadball harder and more accurately than anyone else

Pretty cool, huh?
And for anyone missing Jo Swinson
at 19:46 13 Dec 2019

We have the delightful Melanie Harrold

With a song of heartache and tears

Tune...for anyone else unhappy this evening
at 19:34 13 Dec 2019

Ticket needed for Saturday
at 09:04 5 Dec 2019


A mate needs a ticket for Cov (a) on Saturday

Will they be available on the day on the gate?

Not Ipswich based, bloody miles from Planet Blue

Question Time
at 09:30 15 Nov 2019

Next weeks QT panel has just been announced....
BBQ....this coming weekend
at 20:13 10 Jun 2019

Just a reminder that all roads lead West for the annual shindig at my country estate in the unfashionable end of Gloucestershire

All welcome, starts midday Saturday and continues through until whenever...overnight camping space available

Summer BBQ 2019
at 20:23 6 May 2019

Saturday June 15th

My place, north Gloucestershire

Bring friends, family, pets etc for a commiseration beer or 7 to relive the memories of the season gone and it's disappointing outcome.

Overnight camping, local B and B available for the non-campers

Please bring booze, some food and a sunny disposition

PM me for further details

Feintly amusing Friday afternoon website
at 16:03 22 Feb 2019
Farewell then John Haynes
at 18:27 21 Feb 2019

Founder of the eponymous Workshop Manuals

I am off to my shed to dismantle my car engine and spread it out over the workbench

It is what he would have wanted
When I feel sad.....
at 17:37 2 Feb 2019

Like this afternoon

I always listen to this piece of music

Very calming, especially from 3-45 onwards

I had it played at my Dad's funeral
Yellow Snow Warning
at 18:00 1 Feb 2019

Our local Council has just issued a yellow snow warning for North Gloucestershire

Residents are presumably being advised not to eat it or cook with it

Should I put the turd in the Lady's shopping bag?
at 13:18 31 Aug 2018

Another scene from my slightly chaotic and puzzling life

Earlier this year I went on a group motorbike tour in India. I booked a place on a trip around the Tea Plantations and Hill Stations of the Southern Ghats. It was terrific....but following a minor collision, I was faced with the above tricky dilemma....

The accident wasn't really Pete's fault. Pete was at the front of the group, as Tour Leader he had the satnav and it was his rightful position. Ok, he was maybe going a bit too fast and sometimes I felt that his positioning on the road was a bit suspect....but he is/was a good rider and I felt that he was a bit unlucky. Most of the blame lies with the bus India they have a whole different way of driving, it is all very tolerant and accepting; almost Bhuddist in their calm outlook of the crass stupidity/uselessness of other road users. Mainly because everyone rides/drives like an utter tw*t with absolutely no thought about any other road user whatsoever

A bus, going up the hill, had stopped in the middle of the road in the middle of nowhere on a twisty mountain road, just before a bend. A bunch of people were getting on and off (not the same people getting on and off....that would be absurd; a different set of people were getting on....I know you know what I mean) A small group of cyclists also going up the hill had pulled out way too far to overtake the bus....and Flip Flop man on his scooter, also coming up the hill, had to move right out to the far side of the road to miss the cyclists. This is when Pete came belting downhill, rounded the corner, bashed into the scooter and sent Flip Flop man, his scooter, his wife and her shopping flying. Indian blokes tend to wear Flip Flops on all occasions; social, domestic, pleasure and motorbiking. They don't offer much protection in a crash...comfortable and stylish they may well be....but they are rubbish if you wipe out. As Mr Flip Flop had just discovered.

Mrs Flip Flop had obviously just been to the market; she had been perched side-saddle on the pillion of the scooter (modesty reasons...only the young lasses ride a bike or scooter normally....the young hussies!!) and she had been carrying 3 bags of assorted vegetables; onions, potatoes, cucumbers, chillies etc. She was completely unscathed but had dropped her shopping in the impact, the bags had split open in the crash and there was stuff all over the road. I arrived at the scene moments after it had happened: Mr Flip Flop was berating Pete for crashing into him, Mrs Flip Flop was actually beating her skinny husband around the head and calling him ( I imagine; I don't speak that much Hindi) a dopey twazzock for being on the wrong side of the road. Our medical man was trying to fix the graze on Mr Flip flop man's foot and our mechanic retrieved the scooter from the ditch where it had ended up.

Faced with this scene of mayhem, I guessed the most useful thing I could contribute was to gather up the spilled shopping. I found an undamaged bag and started loading up the veggies being careful to put the tomatoes on the top....nobody wants squished tomatoes.

And there it the middle of the road. A Turd. Amongst all the veggies was a Turd. Dark brown, almost unnoticeable against the dark surface of the road. It looked human in size and form ....but who would crap in the middle of the road??....surely, if you were caught short, you would crap behind a tree or at least at the edge of the road? There were some number of monkeys in the trees nearby. Maybe it was a monkey turd? But these were smallish monkeys...(Bonnet Macaques; give you a nasty nip if you get too close, but still fascinating to watch. I do like monkeys.) Could a small monkey produce such a human scale offering? And what to do with this turd? Was it originally in the shopping bag? Maybe it had some significance to the Flip Flop family....a religious artefact? an offering? a talisman? By its position on the road and the fact that it was surrounded by the spilled vegetables it seemed extremely likely that it had originally been in one of the shopping bags

I was now genuinely stumped. Should I put the turd in the bag and risk Mrs Flip Flop's anger and dismay when she got home. Her dumb husband had nearly killed her and now some smart-*rse had put a turd in with her rescued shopping. But maybe I should put the turd in the bag....maybe she would be heartbroken to arrive back home after such drama and find herself turdless, particularly if this exact turd had some deeper significance….I was beginning to get a bit stressed; what to do for the best??

Other people were starting to join in the veggie hunt...Mr Flip Flop now had a bandage on his grazed foot and been re-united with his footware, his scooter had been assessed and re-started; it had escaped with just minor damage to the paintwork. Mrs Flip Flop was smiling, she had secured a small cash payment to soothe her frayed nerves and repair the scooter. Pete's bike was utterly undamaged; they can absorb a lot of punishment, an Enfield Bullet.

Our Tour Guide, Niranja, (Indian fella from up North....a very cultured and intelligent man who could answer every question about anything) was loading up another bag of rescue veggies near to me. With an air of nonchalance he picked up a second nearby turd that had been unnoticed by me and popped it into his bag with the aubergines and onions. Reassured by this, I put the original turd into my bag, walked over to Mrs Flip Flop and handed it to her; the turd very prominent on top of everything else. She accepted the bag graciously and without comment.

Soon everything was sorted and our group resumed our journey down the twisty bumpy road and Mr and Mrs Flip Flop departed uphill towards their home

In our hotel later that evening over a cool beer I asked Niranja what were these strange brown things we retrieved from the site of the crash.....

"Tamarind; they look a bit like a turd, don't you think?" he replied, smiling
The Mid Morning Question
at 15:59 24 Aug 2018

I have recently had a short stay in hospital; nothing too serious, thanks for asking

On the Ward the Nurses moved delicately amongst us broken individuals, a smile, a comforting word, giving some medication or general cleaning up. Always kind, always gentle yet somehow always separate from us

The Nurses monitored us with the help of the techno-trolley. This is a blue pole on wheels festooned with wires and tubes and a screen that records important stuff and it has a little blue wire basket that holds the Hot Ear Machine; the techno-trolley has replaced the thermometer under the tongue and the nurses dainty hand feeling my wrist to take my pulse. (Shame, but that is progress)

The techno-trolley is deployed several times each day; the routine is always the same. On goes the bicep cuff and a surprisingly uncomfortable pressure grips my upper arm and then slowly recedes. The little grey clippy thing goes on a fingertip and the Hot Ear machine is poked in my ear until it bleeps. Then, when I have been unhooked, the numbers from all these tests are written up in the file that lives at the end of my bed

But the mid morning techno-trolley visit is always accompanied by the Mid Morning Question...…

"Have you opened your bowels today?"

There is no eye-contact while the question is asked; why would there be? It is deeply personal and faintly embarrassing. Nurse busies herself on writing up the notes. An affirmative reply, then come all the supplementary questions as my poo is given marks by me for quantity, colour, consistency and star quality (I might have made that last one up)

I felt that there must be a cheap laugh to be had from this absurd situation, but how?

I wracked my brains and finally....voila!!. A plan formed.....

The following mid morning Cute Nurse arrived with the techno-trolley. On went the cuff...on went the little clippy thing and finally the Hot Ear Machine. Various bleeps and flashing lights, I was disconnected and then Cute Nurse began writing up the results in my file and asked the Mid Morning Question

I stayed silent, a model of studied insouciance.

And this is where Cute Nurse made her mistake as I knew she would

She lifted her gaze from the notes to my face.....I waited.

Then, after a few more moments ""

"Yeah" she replied. And she started giggling. And giggling some more. Senior Nurse, who was passing, stopped to find out what the problem was. Cute Nurse, through her mirth explained what had just happened. Senior Nurse began laughing too.

Together, still laughing, they moved onto the next bed.


House Issue
at 19:06 23 Aug 2018

My cheque to the exorcist bounced

My house has been repossessed
Summer BBQ 2018
at 03:06 2 Jun 2018

The Summer bash is getting ever closer

All welcome for the family-friendly event on Saturday 16th

Further details upon request
Summer BBQ 2018
at 21:57 12 Apr 2018

A change of manager and a change of name for me

McCarthy is gone and so is McCarthyEra

From now on I acknowledge the village where I was raised

But, more important than that......

Summer is coming, so please pop along to the 4th annual Barbeque at mine on Sat 16th June

Once again, set in the rolling pastures of my country estate here in the untrendy end of Gloucestershire.

Family friendly event, partners/kids welcome. Plenty of space for camping, B&B in the nearby village if you wish. Fine food, huge amounts of beer, pizza, World Cup on the big Screen and breakfast served on the Sunday morning

Tempted?? pm me for more details

[Post edited 12 Apr 2018 21:58]
End of an Era
at 14:12 12 Apr 2018

"I'm out of here"

As someone once said.

To reflect the new reality, my username will die and just like Dr Who I will be recreated

New name.....Edward Stone
at 09:42 16 Mar 2018

One of life's great mysteries is revealed to me

Back in my Army days, a fried egg between 2 slices of bread was always referred to as an "Egg Banjo"

These were a staple diet where there were limited cooking facilities, Guard duty, overnight watch etc. ( Cooks would provide 144 eggs in trays and 12 loaves to feed 6 men for 24 hours)

But I never understood the name....until yesterday

Apparently, when you bite into said sandwich, the yolk bursts and runny stuff goes down the front of your shirt, and the instinctive cleaning motion is just like playing a banjo

* I bet you have just done the action*
Trip to India
at 16:11 10 Jan 2018

I am off to India for a short visit at the end of this month

Obviously worried about "Delhi Belly"

Considering buying a pair of these

Anybody had a pair?? Are they any good??

Porridge for breakfast
at 08:46 15 Dec 2017

Cholesterol busting Caledonian super food?

Or just a bowl of warm wallpaper paste?

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