| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) 19:52 - Feb 17 with 1690 views | Warkystache |
"Paula's geddin' married" said Tel, matter-of-factly, as though he was recounting another meaningless anecdote about someone I didn't know. 'Great' I said, conscious of the lack of enthusiasm in my voice, thinking of the snake-eyed Blake in a monkey suit, a pink carnation in his buttonhole. I always think of Gollum when I think of him. Only he's got better hair and teeth.
He proposed on Valentine's Day, Thursday, whilst on a trip to The London Eye with her. "Went ter Nandos for a meal after'n' she texted me there" said Tel, proud of his microscopic part in the excitement. "They've invited me'n'the missus to the wedding" he added. "She'll probly invite you to the evenin' do", an afterthought as he suddenly remembered I was still there. 'That'll be nice' I said, thinking of Gollum in a suit boogying to Hi Ho Silver Lining.
The wedding's probably next year. Tel thought they were "savin' up" for it. He likes Blake; indeed, he meets him for lunch when both are off. He's invited him down the pub, but Blake's only made it once. "Busy" said Tel, dismissively. "Still, be nice ter see 'im at one o' our curries, wunt it?" 'Yes' I said, feeling he'd be right at home with the Cobra.
So that's the big news out of the way. The other news, which I haven't told anyone apart from close friends, is that I've met someone, and we've been seeing each other since the middle of January. I won't say her name on here if that's OK. It's still early days and all that. I haven't told Tel. He'd demand to meet her, and I'm not sure it'd last much longer if he did. I mean this in the nicest possible way. I love Tel and Mrs Tel; they've both been good to me. It's just that........well, I can't explain it. Perhaps we'll leave it at that for now.
We didn't make Friday down the pub because I was meeting my new girlfriend. I lied and told Tel an old mate from London had called. We were having our own Valentine's celebration a day late, because we both work and we weren't available on Thursday. Tel took the rebuff at face value. I felt a bit guilty. It went off though. In more ways than one .
I saw him in the shop on Saturday. Still going on about Paula. He caught me off-guard by asking about my mate, and I blushed and said we'd gone for a piss-up in London. "Spendin' more moolah" he admonished. "Yer should be savin' it fer when yer meet a bird agin". I blushed a bit more and said "Yeah" and he changed the subject to what suit i thought he should buy for the wedding. I suggested Coes. "Ah'm fifty-odd, not seven'ee odd" he spluttered. I get my clothes at Coes and I'm a good ten years younger. I suddenly felt very old though, and looked at my wool coat with jaundiced eyes. Truth is, I'm fat,and they cater for fat men better than Debenhams.
The train to Manningtree left late at 10.35am. The day was overcast, with squally clouds and a slate-grey sea lapping lethargically at the estuary shore. The train was full of women lunching in Norwich, saying 'yah' to friends and checking their mobiles for texts from their banker hubbies. One said "Tim's orf to Wales next weekend for the rugger, so this is my treat to me. Awfully good to get out of London and taste the country for a change" They drank bottled water, the coffee cups from some independent chain stood on the tables with their mobiles and their Gucci handbags. They tutted at the litter as we pulled into Ipswich, past the school with the litter beswathed playing fields and fat seagulls drifting lazily on the breeze, pecking at wrappers, having a whale of a time. "Dreadful place, Ipswich" said one, in the tones of someone inadvertently finding a foreign bogey on their Jaeger jacket.
I got out as we stopped and charged the stairs, relieved to be back amongst people I understood, the elderly couple with strong Sufferk accents, the mother with crying toddler, the Town fans after a pint. I met the lads in the pub, we drank and talked to Stoke fans who were also after a pre-match freshener. We compared Pulis and Mick, Nathan Jones and Paul Hurst. They were happy with Jones, despite the lack of results. "Yer went fer the wrong woon" said an older Potter, face flushed with the Guinness.
We made the game by 3pm, the seagulls having followed me from the school and now noisily wheeling around the burger vans. It was a poor game, punctuated by some poor passing by both teams. We neared half-time at stalemate, and just as I was thinking about chancing another pint from the infamous SBRL concourse, Knudsen and Bart got in a muddle and MaClean, the IRA sympathiser and poppy flouter, stole in to tap home unchallenged. "Yer f*cking idiot" screamed the bloke in front, though I'm not sure he knew who to blame.
Someone scored 25 points on the "Kick a ball at some badly cut out holes on a bit of canvas hung between the posts" game. I chatted to Luke. I denigrated Chalobah, to his clear irking. As though justifying my criticism, Trev than had a shocker in the second half. Luke's bet that he'd be a Prem regular in two seasons, well, let's just say I'm confident of winning the money.
I went on 86 mins. We looked as likely to score as John Merrick without his hat. As I wandered slowly as a cloud, avoiding the exodus from the Cobbold, I stopped as someone said "We got a corner!". I shlepped into the end of the Cobbold and watched amazed as Will Keane nodded us level. I nearly missed it.
No trains on the way home, so I boarded a coach to Manningtree and rang my beloved to make arrangements for Sunday lunch at mine. She accepted, intruiged at what sort of home I lived in. Probably thought I was squatting in some slum. We had a jolly nice day. She's gone now (work in the morning and it's a long drive back to where she lives). Tel wasn't working this morning, so I missed the forlorn damnation of our survival hopes. Mickey knows nowt about football. Still, least she's not marrying some snake-eyed West Ham fan. Or boasting to me she was the first to be invited.
Grateful for these small mercies sometimes. |  |
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| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 20:56 - Feb 17 with 1566 views | Ace_High1 |
Great as always,
Congrats on you're good news. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 09:18 - Feb 18 with 1340 views | Luk38644 |
“Luke's bet that he'd be a Prem regular in two seasons, well, let's just say I'm confident of winning the money.”
Now now Warky, the terms we shook on are that he’d be playing above Championship level within 3 seasons! I’ve got a witness too 👠|  | | |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 13:09 - Feb 18 with 1274 views | Eireannach_gorm |
'We looked as likely to score as John Merrick without his hat.' Superb! |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 13:21 - Feb 18 with 1251 views | Championship |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 09:18 - Feb 18 by Luk38644 |
“Luke's bet that he'd be a Prem regular in two seasons, well, let's just say I'm confident of winning the money.”
Now now Warky, the terms we shook on are that he’d be playing above Championship level within 3 seasons! I’ve got a witness too 👠|
Even if it is two, you will win. Good bet. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 16:06 - Feb 18 with 1170 views | Luk38644 |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 13:21 - Feb 18 by Championship |
Even if it is two, you will win. Good bet. |
£50 on the line mate, I shook his hand quicker than lightning when we agreed the terms!
I've got a feeling I'll be £50 up in August. | | | |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 17:09 - Feb 18 with 1134 views | Championship |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 16:06 - Feb 18 by Luk38644 |
£50 on the line mate, I shook his hand quicker than lightning when we agreed the terms!
I've got a feeling I'll be £50 up in August. |
I reckon he'll be somewhere like Derby next season then the season after he'll be in the Premiership.
What happens if he goes abroad? | | | |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 17:20 - Feb 18 with 1117 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 16:06 - Feb 18 by Luk38644 |
£50 on the line mate, I shook his hand quicker than lightning when we agreed the terms!
I've got a feeling I'll be £50 up in August. |
Having watched him make a really good ball winning tackle on Saturday but then kind of stop to admire a passing seagull while the same player got up to amble over and retake the ball I wouldn't be too sure! |  |
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| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 17:37 - Feb 18 with 1107 views | Luk38644 |
| The Warky Report: Stoke City (h) on 17:09 - Feb 18 by Championship |
I reckon he'll be somewhere like Derby next season then the season after he'll be in the Premiership.
What happens if he goes abroad? |
The terms were 'above Championship level', so a league like the Eredivise or La Liga would be above the Championship and I can't see him playing anywhere too far below current Championship standard. | | | |
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