| Friendships 14:02 - Sep 27 with 2318 views | Swailsey |
Hi TWTD. Sorry for the self-indulgent post, but I’m feeling a bit low and would appreciate some advise.
As I mentioned on here before, I recently moved away from Ipswich for the first time in my life to live with my girlfriend and I’m really struggling with how my old friendship dynamics have changed.
I have suffered from pretty bad mental health issues all my life, and huge periods of depression. Some of my friends were there for me, and I hope I reciprocated it back to them. However, there were some friendships which felt like I was putting all the effort in - this was less noticeable when we lived a few minutes from each other. Friendships were always a huge support network for me - I’ve been single/in pretty toxic relationships a lot of my life; and I’m not too close to my family.
However, since I’ve moved I’ve noticed that for several friends, I seem to be ‘out of sight, out of mind’. Three of my close friends have been supportive and we text/email most days. But one of my best friends was visibly angry at me for moving and said “to be honest mate, I have enough trouble maintaining friendships to those close to me, so my first reaction, I’m sorry to say, is f**k ya then, bye”.
This was from someone I have been friends with for 20 years.
I recognise in myself that I am quite needy, and I knew I would take the moving hard. But I felt moving away was the right thing for me. My hometown has a lot of awful memories for me; including me trying to take my life last year. I had hoped that those closest to me would understand the need for a clean break, but it feels like I’ve sort of disappeared from their thoughts - with the exception of the three I mentioned.
I guess it’s normal, and it’s also led me to reflect on how I have been with them. But I had always been known as the ‘person’ to make social things happen. I was the organiser, the one who made plans. Perhaps on reflection, they were doing that to appease me, or maybe they resent the fact I won’t be doing that anymore?
I realise that you won’t be able to comment too much because you don’t know me or them, but I’m finding the thought of losing these friendships, even though it was my choice to move, really upsetting - it feels like grief. Real friendships should last the distance right? Maybe they weren’t as strong as I thought they were.
If anyone has any tips, or any experience of ‘losing’ most of your early 20s friends and starting over, it would be appreciated. I know I should just focus on those who are still there; and this may feel disrespectful to them - but the absence of the others hurts.
Perhaps I’m overreacting and this is life?
Thank you. |  |
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| Friendships on 13:05 - Sep 28 with 123 views | Ryorry |
| Friendships on 04:37 - Sep 28 by Benters |
All I can say on that is people come and go,over the course of a life time you will be amazed how many new friends you make.Yes you will lose some but you will also make some.
I have friends I have known for over 50 years,and we mainly keep in touch via FB etc.
But then people do have their own sh1t going on.If that sounds harsh or rude apologies.
Sitting in a Hospital restaurant sipping tea watching the people pouring in and out makes you see that.
Everyone has crap going on in their lives.
Enjoy what you have buh. |
Admirably concise, I’ll take it as an example of how to prune my ramblings in future! |  |
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| Friendships on 14:43 - Sep 28 with 57 views | AUHBlue |
Hello,
As someone who has moved around for various reasons, including two moves to different countries, the best way I found of making new friends in an area was by joining a sports club. Have a look whether there are any Padel courts near you. Padel is a naturally sociable game (you always play as doubles) and lends its way to a drink and chat afterwards. With Padel, you don't have to be that good to have a decent game, which is a bonus. There might even be some football on and you can tell everyone about your first love, ITFC.
All the best! |  | | |
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