| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews 09:19 - Apr 10 with 1137 views | Warkystache |
'The Greatest Sporting Weekend' (c) Sky. Well, I watched the Grand Prix just now, hence why I'm up and reporting at some silly hour am on a Sunday. Paula's gone to work. She woke me up at 6am. She fidgets in her sleep. And she farts. Hopefully, thirty more years of this. My nose may have rotted by then.
I'll have a walk and get a paper in a mo. We need milk, bread and bacon as well. I've had the last of the two-pinter I bought last weekend in my tea. Bacon sarnie with HP beckons like a temptress. The lawn needs a cut. The washing has mysteriously piled up so that's on for the shirts and assorted underwear now. I'll do the bed later.
Hungover. We went out last night, saw the sh*te film Morbius in Colchester, had a spot of supper in Bella Pais after. She drove. She's on mineral water and Diet Coke at the moment, although not for the reason you might think. No, not pregnant. Just abstemious. Plus she works on Sundays. Retail innit? They all work on a Sunday.
It's been a funny old week. Work was full of drear meetings, odd moments of reflection on annual performance reviews for staff and a Grand National sweepstake that saw me draw Fiddler on the Roof and thus earn my stake money back. I got two. Paula's horse, Mount Ida, went at the first, the jockey 'doing a Thelwell' as he amusingly shot into space over the first fence. She did pick Any Second Now in her work sweepstake so has won a tenner, something she couldn't help but rub in last night. She beat Tel and I. He fancied Minella Times. But then he also fancied Snow Leopardess, so we had fifty quid each of our bloated betting balance on these two beauties, both of whom never troubled the judge.
Tel is otherwise cheerful. We lost on the footy bet as well yesterday. "Bleedin' Watford an' bleedin' Man Yoo" he bleated into the phone yesterday evening. So a blank weekend betting-wise. He came out with me on Friday for a Thai in Harwich. The restaurant was fairly quiet and we had a four-seater table to ourselves. Thai prawn crackers and something deep-fried met us with the Singha's. He ruminated on his best ever GN win; Lord Gyllene in 1997. "Won a grand on it!" he filtered through a mouthful of cracker, showering me liberally with wet scraps. That and Tiger Roll, apparently. We could have been eating Tiger Rolls just then. The sauce they came with made us reach for the beer.
Tel has booked he and Mrs Tel on a holiday in Nassau in September. They fancied a trip further afield. "Gotta treat 'er this year 'cos Tone and Sandy are doing the US" he muttered. They're going to Miami so Tel and Mrs Tel will accompany them there, spend a night in the same hotel and then get a connector to the Bahamas. "Cost a few bob, like but she's well werf the 'assle" he said, seeing the surprise on my face. Given he hates flights, it's a long old time on a plane. He shrugged. "Needs doin' if yer gonna try somewhere more exo'ic. An' Tone an' Sandy'll be there. She'll prob'ly spend the 'ole trip geddin' drunk wiv Sandy, knowin' them".
Paula and I are umming and aahing over South Africa. I'd like a decent holiday somewhere I've never been. She'd like a beach, decent hotel and somewhere where the local food can be trusted, and you don't order the special only to find yourselves eating brains or guts while the locals smirk and try not to be absorbed in your repast. She fancies the States. California. I might need to re-mortgage.....
We finished the food with something fiery over transparent noodles, a few chopped peanuts drizzled on top so it resembled the Mr Whippy I used to buy from our local van as a kid in the early '80's. Thin strawberry sauce and crushed nuts. Sounds like my sex life.
We sat, red-faced, the hot towels wrapped obscenely like your willy post-coitus still adorned by the johnny. Tel spread his over his face like an octogenarian asleep on a deckchair in the sun on Frinton greensward. He lifted one corner to sip his brandy. "Blimey, thass 'otter than a phall from the local" he gasped. "Termorra mornin'll be a laugh. She'll moan if I don't use a bottle of Febreze".
We were collected at eleven-thirty, from the pub on the corner, having followed up our brandies with stiff iced Baileys apiece in lieu of coffee in the restaurant. Tel's convinced that Baileys has some sort of soothing effect on his bowels. Like Milk of Magnesia, only alcoholic so it's better. For someone brought up to firmly believe that only aged aunts and grandmothers drank Baileys, and previously dismissing it as in the same class as port'n'lemon, snowballs and Cinzano, he seems to have adopted it as a sort of last-minute go-to drink when you fancy neither beer or harder spirits.
Mrs Tel looked nice. Gun-metal coloured leather jacket, blue Levi's, old black Gap sweatshirt and Tel's old black Converse boots, her hair a riot of cherry and peach, like a chocolate sundae. She smelt bewitchingly of Thierry Mugler and Sure underarm deodorant. She kissed me from the driver's seat as I jumped in the back of their 4x4. Tel muttered "'ere less o' that, 'es nearly marrid for gawd's sake an' you def'nitely are, yer hussey" and settled himself into the passenger seat where he fiddled with the car stereo for a bit and then "Boogie Nights" by Heatwave erupted, about a minute in, from the speakers near my seat. Mrs Tel made him turn it down a notch or five. The bass stopped thudding me to deafness. We sang along, although I'm not keen on 70's disco. That and Country and Western. And really heavy metal. And Stock, Aitken and Waterman. And most rap.
I was dropped at home just as Chic were finishing and the familiar bass of Car Wash was starting. I waved at the back of their car as it weaved past the parked vehicles on my road and then took the corner at speed, roaring off into the night, the strains of Rose Royce still discernible even as they reached the junction. Tel has invited us for a night out with them in Colchester next Saturday, meal and a visit to some 80's nightclub. We've accepted. Think the club's called Rubix or something. If you've been, let me know what to expect. I'm brushing up my Adam Ant dancing as we speak.
Yesterday was good. Paula had a day off so we drove to Orford and Woodbridge for the afternoon, gazing in niche and kooky shop windows and bracing against the breeze. She laughed as I tried lighting a cigarette for us both and couldn't get my lighter to spark. We huddled under my greatcoat and admired houses and looked in Estate Agents windows and recoiled in shock at the prices.
We had a drink in one of the locals before heading back to the car; she had a diet coke, I had a pint of Adnams. They had Sky Sports on silent in the back bar. I noticed we were 1-0 up. Norwood (6). I smiled. Last Saturday was still fresh in the memory. How the hell we lost to Cambridge...well....
We were home and getting ready to go to the cinema when I checked my phone again. 1-1. For a moment, I was semi-satisfied. They'd been on a good run, Shrewsbury. It only became disappointing this morning, reading the report. Sounds like we need a bit more stubborn commitment in the side.
And that was that. I'm off for my walk. Bit later than planned, still, it's a nice morning here. Hope it is wherever you're reading this. I told Paula we'd drawn at home to Shrowsbury and she said "who?" and then, after I'd repeated it and then spelt it for her, she said "Isn't it pronounced Shrews Bury then?". And looked at me with something akin to Eliza Doolittle looking to Professor Higgins for confirmation. So I nodded and said, yeah, it's either I think. And thought, better that than an argument over something so trivial. But I'm convinced I'm right. Still am. Ho hum.
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| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 12:26 - Apr 10 with 985 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Sri Lanka perhaps...put her out of her comfort zone and as long as the rioting eases off she may be pleasantly surprised. Not that I've ever been of course but holiday threads on here all seem to point there.
Good to see so many "we"s in your report! |  |
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| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 15:26 - Apr 10 with 882 views | Kitman |
Bella Pais in Colchester still going then? Went there years ago with Mrs Kitman, must have been early 80's! |  |
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| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 15:39 - Apr 10 with 852 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 15:26 - Apr 10 by Kitman |
Bella Pais in Colchester still going then? Went there years ago with Mrs Kitman, must have been early 80's! |
Best steak restaurant in Colchester. I had the sirloin for £20. With just English mustard. And two sides (went for thick-cut chips and mixed greek salad). She had the tournedos with dijon sauce. | |
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| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 15:41 - Apr 10 with 846 views | brogansnose |
Tel might be onto something with a post curry / hot spicy food Baileys. We've taken to drinking Baileys mixed with toffee vodkas , apparently they're called Thunderballs , with our post match currys and they do seem to aid the digestive system, taste like a desert and get you pizzed.
Recommended. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 16:10 - Apr 10 with 823 views | woodbridge_blue |
Which pub(s) in Woodbridge did you try yesterday Warky?
I was out and about yesterday afternoon, might have been in the same establishment at the same time. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 17:32 - Apr 10 with 753 views | farkenhell |
Can recommend South Africa. Excellent beaches, good hotels and restaurants, loads to do (safari, wine tours etc) and generally decent weather. Dirt cheap and no time difference - bonus!
Oh, and the locals say "shrews" by the way. Although, like you, I've always been a "shrow". | | | |
| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 19:02 - Apr 10 with 691 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 16:10 - Apr 10 by woodbridge_blue |
Which pub(s) in Woodbridge did you try yesterday Warky?
I was out and about yesterday afternoon, might have been in the same establishment at the same time. |
Think it was the Red Lion mate. | |
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| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 19:03 - Apr 10 with 688 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 17:32 - Apr 10 by farkenhell |
Can recommend South Africa. Excellent beaches, good hotels and restaurants, loads to do (safari, wine tours etc) and generally decent weather. Dirt cheap and no time difference - bonus!
Oh, and the locals say "shrews" by the way. Although, like you, I've always been a "shrow". |
Thanks old son. Someone else on here told me about South Africa as well - two mates have also recommended it.
I think we're still deciding. | |
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| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 19:51 - Apr 10 with 655 views | farkenhell |
| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 19:03 - Apr 10 by Warkystache |
Thanks old son. Someone else on here told me about South Africa as well - two mates have also recommended it.
I think we're still deciding. |
Btw, hope for your sake Paula never ever stumbles across your posts.
"She fidgets in her sleep. And she farts." Classic! [Post edited 10 Apr 2022 19:52]
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| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 20:40 - Apr 10 with 622 views | Kitman |
| The Warky Report: Shrewsbury (A) I say Shrows, she says Shrews on 15:39 - Apr 10 by Warkystache |
Best steak restaurant in Colchester. I had the sirloin for £20. With just English mustard. And two sides (went for thick-cut chips and mixed greek salad). She had the tournedos with dijon sauce. |
Good to know. Thanks. Sounds like you were both there on a beef fest. Just wondering if its still themed Cyprus-Greek? The mixed Greek Salad available on the menu sounds encouraging... | |
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