A point for each one of these that you've spotted tonight on amateur's night down the pub tonight. Bonus points if you can suggest a 'last Friday before Christmas' pub cliche not already here.
1) Once a year pub-goers ordering coffees, bitter shandies and the Guinness last 2) The woman who just wants a sweet sherry and everyone to know what a TERRIBLE time she's had 3) The recently separated orange-faced harridan in her late 40s/early 50s who is on a mission to get absolutely mortal 4) The henpecked bloke who has been allowed out for a couple of hours and tries to recapture his youth by getting hammered on Strongbow and trying to finger number 3) behind some bins 5) The 17 year old lads who look about 15 hoping that they can get served without ID as it's so busy 6) The 17 year old girls who look about 29 trying to fend off 5 and 8. 7) Pat from accounts 8) A cohort of detestable 'lads' in their 20s whose sole purpose for the evening is to try and out-banter each other 9) Jim. Jim is wondering why his local juicer is over-run with c*nts and he can't get to his usual seat at the bar as it's full of coats and bags 10) Some c*nt with a Christmas tie. 11) A red-faced bloke in his late 50's/early 60's who insists on talking about Brexit to anyone who can't escape. 12) A couple who insist on letting their dogs/kids run free despite the place being rammed. 13. The man who, when ordering a round, orders it one drink at a time. 14. The man who has no idea what he wants, and interrogates the bar staff as to the flavour profile of each and every beer, before ordering a Guinness.