| The Warky Report: Forest (h) 09:34 - Dec 3 with 1845 views | Warkystache |
You know when you've had a few too many before the game? Well, I did yesterday and I swear I started hallucinating. For one thing, there seemed to be a parade of guide dogs outside the SBR as I walked up, for another, some bloke in a camel coat sang "My Way" on the pitch at half-time. "F*ck me" I thought. "Motty's showing himself up a bit. He's taking his last season before retirement a bit oddly". I sat back and waited for the giant orange stewards to do a quick 'Thriller' boogie, but then Forest came back out.
A Saturday home game, then. It seemed like the first for a while. I was looking forward to it. Despite Forest doing us live on telly last season, they no longer had that Britt bloke up front but Old Man Murph, who I'd never seen play against us. I hoped Webster would shackle him. Tel thought he'd score. So did most of the pub pre-match.
I saw Tel on Friday morning. He solemnly gave me our footie bet, displeased that I'd vetoed a £250 bet on Thistlecrack at Newbury that afternoon (in the end it lost and Tel has now vowed not to take notice of those of his customers who offer horse tips). He'd gone for Liverpool to beat Brighton, Stoke to beat Swansea, Bristol City to beat Boro, Reading to beat Sunderland and Sutton to beat Eastleigh, so we won £469, taking our pot to £873. I haven't seen him yet to congratulate him. Looks like a good Xmas anyway.
Terry didn't do our game. 'cos he thought we'd lose but wasn't certain. "Murphy'll do yer a new one" he said. So I wasn't expecting much yesterday.
He was off on Saturday morning, an errand for Mrs Tel, so Paula and her friend were in there. I can't talk footy with them; all they're interested in is New Look and how many Jagermeisters they can neck in rubbish nightclubs. Such is youth. Paula smiled at me as she served. It's becoming a bit unsettling, like she's getting it all out the way before she leaves for Morrisons in January. She's back vaping, which is good news. Everywhere smelled vaguely of peach.
Up early and in to Town early for haircut, tea and pub at 10.40am. The Sally Army played Xmas carols by the White Horse Hotel and the church bells rang. It was like Ipswich had become a varsity city for a few hours. It warmed the heart and soul. The pub was packed with dutch fans but I found a quiet nook and sipped a pint of Santa's Journey ale whilst reading the Times I'd bought earlier. The smell of cooked breakfast made my tummy rumble. I ignored it.
My friends arrived at 11.30, dressed for polar exploration, removing layers and draping them carelessly over spare bar stools, ordering pints of foaming ale and dry roasted. By 2.40, we were leaving and at least one of us felt a bit pissed. It got worse when I got outside. Shouldn't have had that large brandy at the end. Tower Ramparts swayed as I walked towards it, avoiding getting mullered by buses. The Sally Army were tuning up somewhere in the vicinity, ready for a rendition of "Good King Wenceslas". It sounded like they'd started a competition for all-comers to fart into watering cans.
Made the ground by 2.55, honked at by cars on the road as I perilously jaywalked in front of them, staggering a bit, in need of a slash. Got in, had a piss, heard the teams coming out, splashed a bit of water on me face and slapped meself a bit to shake off the drunkenness. It didn't work. I came in as we were attacking, and stood swaying in front of my seat.
We went 1-0 up. I thought Waghorn had notched a free-kick. "Great free-kick that" I drawled to my neighbour after we'd gone nuts and hugged. Then Rob Chandler said "Callum CONNOLLY!" and I wondered why the f*ck he was shouting random player names. Turns out he'd scored instead.
This was the general theme of the game. Right up to when I actually saw Waghorn score one in front of me second-half. They equalised with a swirling freekick, then Iorfa got a header, then we stood still and their bloke chipped Bart and celebrated like he used to play for the scum. Tyler Walker. Never heard of the bloke.
After the surreal half-time experiences, the drunk feeling wore off a bit. I saw Benters and offered him a free session with Luke for a tenner, which he laughed at (should've asked twenty). We restarted, Waggy robbed their left back to make it 3-2, then set up Bersant for a tap in. Wahey. All was rosy. I stayed for Jonas' fistpump (noting he asked Skuse if he could do it before he did it - polite them Danes) and wandered happily out and back to the station, past knots of Forest fans (geddit?) who looked quite displeased with their afternoon adventure. Get pissed before it, chaps. It's the future of watching live sport.
The train was rammed as they'd cancelled others. Well done Abellio. Got back, ordered a vindaloo and keema naan and a chicken jalfrezi and sat watching dross on the telly with my plate in my lap, falling asleep. A good day all round. See you on the 16th. |  |
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| The Warky Report: Forest (h) on 09:58 - Dec 3 with 1763 views | J2BLUE |
These threads are brilliant.Really enjoyable reads. Always love a cameo appearance as well so good to see Benters get a mention.
I kind of want to meet the characters but generally, when books become films, I end up livid that they don't look how I imagined. I find myself rooting for Terry and hoping he scoops the lottery and lives out his days on a Spanish beach sipping Fosters and wearing mirrored sunglasses that fool no one.
Is there going to be a Little Britain Abroad type deal when he moves to Spain? |  |
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| on 10:11 - Dec 3 with 1720 views | _ |
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| The Warky Report: Forest (h) on 10:21 - Dec 3 with 1696 views | HarryfromBath |
I love your match reports, Warky. For someone who doesn't get over to Suffolk as often as I would wish, they really make me feel as if I was at the game. |  |
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| The Warky Report: Forest (h) on 10:39 - Dec 3 with 1641 views | BrixtonBlue |
| The Warky Report: Forest (h) on 09:58 - Dec 3 by J2BLUE |
These threads are brilliant.Really enjoyable reads. Always love a cameo appearance as well so good to see Benters get a mention.
I kind of want to meet the characters but generally, when books become films, I end up livid that they don't look how I imagined. I find myself rooting for Terry and hoping he scoops the lottery and lives out his days on a Spanish beach sipping Fosters and wearing mirrored sunglasses that fool no one.
Is there going to be a Little Britain Abroad type deal when he moves to Spain? |
I was hoping I might make a cameo, but alas no  |  |
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| The Warky Report: Forest (h) on 12:27 - Dec 3 with 1535 views | Pendejo |
If Carlsberg wrote rmatch reports....
Possibly the best I've ever read. [Post edited 3 Dec 2017 12:29]
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| The Warky Report: Forest (h) on 13:00 - Dec 3 with 1485 views | The_Romford_Blue |
"Great free-kick that" I drawled to my neighbour after we'd gone nuts and hugged. Then Rob Chandler said "Callum CONNOLLY!" and I wondered why the f*ck he was shouting random player names.
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