"N L B. 1.0 out of 5 stars
Diarrhea while driving
Reviewed in the United States on September 29, 2019
One of our beloved physicians brought a bag of gummy bears to work to share with the staff one night shift. Not realizing they were the famous dreaded sugar free gummies multiple staff throughout the shift grabbed a handful of gummies while passing by and each have their own near miss stories but this is mine...
The next morning I have to run an errand about and hour and a half from my house. On the drive home down a curvy back country road my stomach suddenly begins to cramp and I feel the immediate urge to empty my bowels. Frantic, as I realize Im not going to make it home I start searching for a place to pull over. The end of a gated logging road perhaps? Im speeding along, arching my back, practicing lamas breathing techniques, anything to stall the inevitable. I pass the first turnoff that has a sheriffs car parked at the end and keep searching with sweat pouring down my forehead and bubbling noises in my guts that drown out the heavy metal on the stereo. Finally! I spot the end of a brushy trail and whip my truck sideways, thrusting the drivers side door open and leaping from the seat to scurry around to the other side. I turn around with fingers in waste band about to drop trow and look up to my horror realizing it is indeed the end of a driveway and the folks outside are staring down toward me probably wondering what this crazed individual is about to do. For several moments I seriously considered just completing the task and running away but couldnt imagine my parents seeing the cell phone video of myself on social media later in the day. I scurried back around the truck and halfway there my ability to hold back the hot lava flow of liquid stool from making a hastey exit out of my spasming rectum was lost and I crapped my pants right there on the side of the road standing next to my truck. My bowels cramped up and expelled every drop of liquid from my body. At that point Im now standing there with leggings full of hot liquid stool running into my shoes and debating on what the next best course of action should be. Of course I have no extra clothes or any towels in my truck. What do I do? Do I call someone? Do I drive home the remaining 20 minutes? After a few moments of self reflection I decided to strip off my shirts and lay them on the seat of my truck and get inside. It was a rather uncomfortable drive home with the windows all down and skin burning on the backs of my legs and buttocks. It was one of the longest 20 minute periods of time Ive ever experienced in my entire life. I alternated between crying and laughing at the situation and checking the speedometer like a paranoid drunk thinking I cant possibly get pulled over right now because what would I say? Yes officer, I crapped my pants. Thats what that smell is. Tears streaming down my face. I finally arrive home, screeching to a hault in the driveway in front of the open automatic garage door I triggered as I was drifting the curve onto my road. Holding the bottoms of my pant legs closed tight I awkwardly stagger into my house and immediatly into the shower fully clothed.
Fast forward 3 weeks and Im at work hearing about the other incidents and the light bulb clicks on......
35 years old and I had to reset the clock for the "how long since you've last crapped your pants" countdown....
Thanks Dr Hanson
Lesson learned.......make sure the gummy bears are not the sugar free version"
Apparently the cause is Lycasin, a brand name for the generic sweetener, Maltitol, which is hydrogenated glucose syrup - ie Sugar Alcohol.
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Can't think why 🤣 |  |
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