| Cooking catastrophies 09:40 - Feb 26 with 594 views | artsbossbeard |
Having managed to burn my toast this morning, stupid poxy toaster, I got to thinking about when cooking goes wrong.
I recall as a youngster my mum got excited about making a Chinese style meal from scratch but for reasons unknown used a whole bottle of soy sauce rather than a few splashes.
I think as a family we were dehydrated for over a week.
Can this disaster be beaten? J2 look away now. |  |
| Please note: prior to hitting the post button, I've double checked for anything that could be construed as "Anti Semitic" and to the best of my knowledge it isn't. Anything deemed to be of a Xenophobic nature is therefore purely accidental or down to your own misconstruing. | | Poll: | Raining in IP8 - shall I get the washing in? |
| |  |
| Cooking catastrophies on 09:46 - Feb 26 with 560 views | Steve_M |
My worst was, after a really long crap day at work, putting a jacket potato and quiche in the oven and then dropping the whole bloody lot on the floor. At least the potato was edible but the dent on the top of my microwave lasted until I replaced it a few months back.
My ex, cooked coq-au-vin once and, just at the end, went to add more pepper but the end came off the pepper mill and loads went in. She had spent ages on it and was really upset. |  |
| |
| Cooking catastrophies on 09:48 - Feb 26 with 548 views | Churchman |
When I was about 12, my mum was cooking my favourite tea of the time. Sausage, beans and chips.
She took her eye off the chip pan and set fire to the house. It was a two fire engine job.
It was very exciting, but I never got sausage, beans and chips that evening. |  | | |
| Cooking catastrophies on 09:54 - Feb 26 with 520 views | Fixed_It |
First meal I cooked for my ex was an omelette. Trouble was it wasn't cooked properly and she wasn't keen on the raw, runny bits.
Got me out if cooking for a number of years though... |  |
| |
| Cooking catastrophies on 10:06 - Feb 26 with 485 views | Guthrum |
One of the first time I tried using a microwave, tried to cook some potatoes. Didn't realise you needed to put some water in. The longer I cooked them, the harder these lumps of potato got.
Then there was the occasion of the frozen turkey, bought on the day we were cooking it. Unsurprisingly, still solid at the point it needed to go in the oven. So we jammed it in the microwave, wedged diagonally and tried defrosting it. Then into the oven. Bits of it were sort of cooked. Most of us weren't ill. Then cats got to the carcass in a bin bag outside and the whole thing went very rotten.
Then there was the time someone had taken the last of the communal food money. Had to cook for the household with just what I could find in the kitchen. A potato. Some spaghetti. An orange. A handful of rice. Gravy powder. There may have been bread in there, too. With tablespoons of herbs and spices to disguise the taste. More after the fashion of revenge cooking than culinary invention. |  |
| |
| Cooking catastrophies on 10:31 - Feb 26 with 459 views | hoppy |
I once followed the guidance from J2 in cooking an egg, followed by some sweet corn based invention from Rommy.
All I can say is, never again. |  |
| |
| Cooking catastrophies on 10:37 - Feb 26 with 437 views | chrismakin |
Not something that was eaten after
But a couple weeks ago. I was cooking dinner and there was an incredibly strong burning smell.
I looked in the oven. Everything looked ok. Carried on.dinner was lovely.
Anyway. Cooked thr following day and same burning smell. Again checked all ok.
Third day. Cooked again same smell. I thought right something ain't right here. So had a deep look into the oven.
A very small Yorkshire pudding was sat curled up in a nice completly chalked state at the back of the lower owen clearly falling from the shelf above.
It definitely wasnt something to be eaten lol. |  |
| |
| Cooking catastrophies on 10:37 - Feb 26 with 449 views | footers |
An almost but not quite from this correspondent.
Many moons ago, when I was courting an ex Mrs footers, we had been cooking something and had one pot of water and another of hot oil just after deep frying on the hob. Time to clean up. So the ex decided she'd pour the water into the fat to clean the pan. I had to rugby tackle her to the floor just as she was ready to pour.
She was a physicist ffs.
But I still have my face, thankfully. |  |
| |
| Cooking catastrophies on 10:50 - Feb 26 with 430 views | ChiefXL |
Not a cooking catastrophe as such but for my 40th birthday a few years ago the present from my brother was a one-day butchery course at that nice butchers that used to be behind the Thomas Wolsey (Rose House or something?).
Anyway the point is you learn how to butcher half a free-range Blytheburgh pig and take it home. TBF it was an absolutely brilliant experience and I took home cuts of belly, shoulder, leg, sausages made by my own fair hand, bone-in loin, the lot. About £250 worth of high quality porky goodness.
So I stick it all in the freezer in the garage and leave it there for a few months.
When I go to take a joint out some time later out I discover to my horror the freezer had switched itself off and the meat had completely rotted. The stench that hit me as soon as I opened the freezer door was something so horrific I couldn't describe it and so bad the neighbours were coming outside to check what it was.
(Incidentally I have a friend who's a forensic pathologist who told me that's the closest I'll ever get to smelling a dead body that's been left to decompose for a few months)
There were green bottles swarming all around me and getting into my mouth as I was retching.
So that's my charming story, I honestly could've cried. |  | | |
| |
By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions.
