| Mental Health Advice 21:09 - Sep 11 with 1852 views | No_Moore_Kieffer |
Before I start my post, I much admit to feeling a bit silly posting this. I've completed ASIST (applied suicide intervention skills training) and trust myself to be able to support people, including myself, with mental health struggles, but on this instance I'm not sure what my best bet is, so I'm hoping someone on here can help me.
I want to start by saying that I'm okay, generally, I'm not suffering with depression or anything, but something isn't right with me.
From my own analysis, the issue (s) seems to be as below:
I've done well to build a life for myself that I enjoy. A job that I love going to, with a fantastic team and social aspect, I coach and play football evenings and weekends, I'm happy.
However, there just seems to be something missing. 95% of the population prefer weekends to the rest of the week. Not me. I prefer Monday-Friday, I prefer being at work.
I can't pinpoint what's going wrong, but I just seem to feel really down on weekends. I don't like being at home. Something about not being in my usual Monday-Friday environment really affects me. I don't live alone, I live with my parents, brother and an array of pets. So it's not living alone that's the issue.
It just feels like weekends are a massive comedown from the working week. I don't understand what's going on. I've always suffered badly with 24-48 hour come downs after things I've looked forward to, such as concerts, going on dates, nights out, whatever, but they're becoming more regular just through not being at work.
The only pattern I have noticed is that in the last couple of weeks we've had a new girl start at work that I'm kind of, sort of, massively into, so weekends mean I've got 2 days of not being able to see her. We get on well, sometimes there's suggestions she might like me too, then it just seems like she doesn't right after. My brain goes into overdrive and overthinks every little thing that happens or gets said. But even before her this happened, so it isn't just that.
Anyway, that's not the only reason, and there's far more to that story than I can put into this post, but I just feel like something isn't right. I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep relying on nights out to make me happy. I want a proper answer.
I've tried looking at therapy apps, I've tried looking at online resources but they all seem to be paid services that aren't so easily accessible. I've considered a proper therapist, and that's something I am still thinking about.
Has anyone got any previous experience in a similar position? Any advice? I enjoy parts of my weekends - Saturday & Sunday mornings when I'm coaching and playing football - but the rest isn't enjoyable.
I think the best way to describe how I feel is by suggesting you listen to Anne-Marie's song 'Therapy'. That's pretty much how I feel. |  | | |  |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:15 - Sep 11 with 1783 views | J2BLUE |
I feel like that. Even when things are going well i'll have this feeling that it's actually all pretty pointless.
When I was much younger I googled how I felt. The result that came back was Weltschmerz. Google it. It might not be how you feel but it also might well be. |  |
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| Mental Health Advice on 21:24 - Sep 11 with 1709 views | bazza |
Sounds like Your in love with the girl at work, ask her out, if she says no, at least you won’t torture yourself anymore over whether she likes you or not.. |  | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:26 - Sep 11 with 1688 views | No_Moore_Kieffer |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:15 - Sep 11 by J2BLUE |
I feel like that. Even when things are going well i'll have this feeling that it's actually all pretty pointless.
When I was much younger I googled how I felt. The result that came back was Weltschmerz. Google it. It might not be how you feel but it also might well be. |
Sorry to hear that you feel the same, I hope that you're okay, I know I don't u post very often but I visit the site most days, so feel free to send a PM if you ever need to.
I've just had a (very) quick Google, whilst that does appear to be a similar feeling, I don't feel it's quite what I'm experiencing at the moment. From what I read, that appears to be a feeling of weariness at how the world is going, whereas mine is more that something feels missing in my life, more personally.
Of course, I may have misunderstood the meaning! | | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:27 - Sep 11 with 1682 views | Nthsuffolkblue |
I used to struggle with purposelessness of life - not sure if it is entirely what you are describing. Since I became a Christian, it hasn't been the same issue although life is never perfect. Could try going along to church and looking into the meaning of life!
Hope you get to tell the girl how you feel but in my experience from the situation you describe it was never reciprocated. Still worth knowing instead of wondering and the right one will come along in good time. |  |
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| Mental Health Advice on 21:29 - Sep 11 with 1665 views | No_Moore_Kieffer |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:24 - Sep 11 by bazza |
Sounds like Your in love with the girl at work, ask her out, if she says no, at least you won’t torture yourself anymore over whether she likes you or not.. |
I do think that's an element to it, but as I touched on in my OP, it's been happening since before she started. Though, maybe that suggests that a lack of companionship is the root cause. | | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:32 - Sep 11 with 1640 views | bazza |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:29 - Sep 11 by No_Moore_Kieffer |
I do think that's an element to it, but as I touched on in my OP, it's been happening since before she started. Though, maybe that suggests that a lack of companionship is the root cause. |
How old are you? | | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:34 - Sep 11 with 1625 views | No_Moore_Kieffer |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:27 - Sep 11 by Nthsuffolkblue |
I used to struggle with purposelessness of life - not sure if it is entirely what you are describing. Since I became a Christian, it hasn't been the same issue although life is never perfect. Could try going along to church and looking into the meaning of life!
Hope you get to tell the girl how you feel but in my experience from the situation you describe it was never reciprocated. Still worth knowing instead of wondering and the right one will come along in good time. |
I'm glad you've found something that works for you, we all need that in life, a purpose, as you've almost called it! Without that, what is the point?
In terms of the girl, I wouldn't say nothing is reciprocated, we've both had a bit of a flirt back and forth and sometimes I do get the impression that she likes me, but equally I don't believe that she could - although a lot of that comes from my lack of confidence around relationships and girls! | | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:35 - Sep 11 with 1608 views | No_Moore_Kieffer |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:32 - Sep 11 by bazza |
How old are you? |
Mid 20s - although the choice of the word 'companionship' made me sound much older, I'm sure! I couldn't think of a better word! | | | |
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| Mental Health Advice on 21:37 - Sep 11 with 1590 views | Basuco |
While I have always loved weekends and evenings all my working life, I also had jobs that in the main I have loved and enjoyed. My non working time has always been spent either doing my hobbies/sport or with family. Maybe expand your weekend activities/hobbies/social life, so that you look forward to time doing them, but my one area of advice would be to not combine work with pleasure, keep your relationship with the new girl to a working friendship. In my experience (not personal experience) but seeing these from a distance, they do not usually end well, although can be very entertaining watching them unfold within the office. This is life experience advice not professional experience, so take it as you will. Good luck and best wishes moving forward. |  | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:38 - Sep 11 with 1582 views | fabian_illness |
Hey mate.
Good on you for writing your feelings down.
I think it’s perfectly normal to feel different on the days you’re not going all out at your busy weekday life.
Don’t forget we’re all still struggling with getting back to some form of normality after the massive upheaval of the pandemic. Everyone’s social lives have been affected. Weekends just feel different.
Maybe speak to your local surgery to see if they can put you in touch with someone to run your thoughts past? Don’t try sweeping it under the carpet if it’s playing on your mind. |  | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:41 - Sep 11 with 1551 views | bazza |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:35 - Sep 11 by No_Moore_Kieffer |
Mid 20s - although the choice of the word 'companionship' made me sound much older, I'm sure! I couldn't think of a better word! |
Ask her out, if it doesn’t work out, believe me, there’s someone out there for everyone, even I managed to find a partner, and I’ve got a face only a mother could love !! | | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:45 - Sep 11 with 1522 views | J2BLUE |
| Mental Health Advice on 21:26 - Sep 11 by No_Moore_Kieffer |
Sorry to hear that you feel the same, I hope that you're okay, I know I don't u post very often but I visit the site most days, so feel free to send a PM if you ever need to.
I've just had a (very) quick Google, whilst that does appear to be a similar feeling, I don't feel it's quite what I'm experiencing at the moment. From what I read, that appears to be a feeling of weariness at how the world is going, whereas mine is more that something feels missing in my life, more personally.
Of course, I may have misunderstood the meaning! |
Thanks, same goes for you.
When I first googled it, it said something like the realisation that life can never live up to the expectations you have of the perfect life. I may have misunderstood at the time but I think that's my issue. Maybe I got the word wrong! I'll do some research.
On the above, there is an episode of Red Dwarf that i'm mildly obsessed with. The one where they meet Legion and he tells them there is a cyber park where they can go to any time period and fulfil any fantasy with anyone. Immediately I start thinking of all sorts like scoring the winner in the world cup final one day and catching the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl etc. I also remember asking on here years ago who would happily plug themselves into the Matrix if they could pick their own life. So it's not something that consumes me but it's something that always lurks at the back of my mind. | |
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| Mental Health Advice on 21:47 - Sep 11 with 1515 views | Coastalblue |
I have absolutely nothing to offer you here beyond life experience, I've no training or even much knowledge of what you're describing, but I'm going to stick my tuppence worth in any way.
From what you've described it sounds to me like you're lonely away from work. I know you say you have family and pets around, but while I'm sure you all love each other they will be a different relationship to what you'd have with friends, or colleagues, or a girlfriend.
It sounds like your needs get met with football, and you perhaps are one of those people that needs to be busy and active and it strikes me you need either a couple of mates, or indeed a girl friend to spend your down time with, preferably both I would say.
How to address it? Hmm, even if I'm right that's probably beyond the bounds of my knowledge of your situation, though I do agree with the others, if you like her, invite her out. Better she says no than you always wondering, especially if somebody else comes along and asks and she says yes. Doesn't have to be a major event, just ask her if she fancies meeting for a drink one night. |  |
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| Mental Health Advice on 21:54 - Sep 11 with 1463 views | BiGDonnie |
Best of luck brother.
The only advice I’d give is about the girl at work, don’t let her know you kind of miss her at weekends. Treat em mean keep em keen, sort of thing. |  |
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| Mental Health Advice on 22:02 - Sep 11 with 1396 views | wrightsrightglove |
I would say firstly, take the feeling of being happy at work as a positive, a large proportion of the population spend most of their waking hours in a job that they dislike so hold onto that as a positive.
If you like the girl at work then make your feelings known to her, she may be the key to happiness outside of work as well as at work but if she doesn’t feel the same then at least you know where you stand and potentially a positive friendship can flourish.
I’m not too much older than you but I think as you move through life you generally become more adept at realising that life is far from perfect and you often have to make sacrifices or decisions which don’t lead to complete happiness. Try your best to focus on the things that bring you joy and hold onto those. I know it’s easier said than done but often looking at the things you have in your life rather than the things that you don’t will bring a feeling of contentment.
Best of luck, always here to talk of you need it. |  | | |
| Mental Health Advice on 22:17 - Sep 11 with 1317 views | Bluedicea |
Just going off what you wrote.
Your childhood, family dynamics and peer dynamics, have a look into that. So much of what we do and feel as adults is the result of how we learned as children, family and school environment.
Things like first born children, tend to be more outgoing and confident than their younger siblings. Younger siblings are more likely to do things to help others, as it's a learned behaviour, you try to gain approval from the older sibling by helping them.
Maybe it's that difference. At work and hobbies, you are are needed, people rely on you to help them, then when at home you no longer feel that need, and the dynamic you have in the hierarchical structure of your family is at odds with the hierarchical structure you find outside of the home, which can create a schism in our feelings and result in that 'something just doesn't feel right' feeling.
Self analysis is a wonderful tool and I hope you find a way to improve yourself and feel better. |  |
| What is the use of knowing about everything else, when you do not yet know who you are. |
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| Mental Health Advice on 23:31 - Sep 11 with 1212 views | BlueandTruesince82 |
In terms of switching off from overthinking I find this works.
When you catch yourself doing it say to yourself stop, are these thoughts useful? Are they helpful?
If yes,if you think you can take something from them even if they are negative then think about what you can learn, it's OK to have negative thoughts sometimes.
If no then say to yourself don't worry about it, think about something else and over time you will learn to stop them almost before they happen, its takes time to train the brain to do it but it works for me.
I ask myself 2 things
Are these thoughts useful?
And if yes, what do they mean? |  |
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