| Don't leave me here! 09:09 - Dec 26 with 1023 views | Pendejo |
The haunting cry from my father as I left him at his care home last night. I kept hearing it on the drive home, during the night and this morning.
He is in a care home to provide my sister, his primary carer some respite, he's deep in dementia but has outlived the expected outcome by 2 years, and physically is very strong, real good handshake still. But mentally, not there most of the time.
Yesterday took him to a social club in Ipswich for Xmas Dinner, met up with one of the "kids" he (& mum) fostered back in the early 70s (the "kid" is now 68), someone I hadn't seen in 25 years (and he's the buttock showing fella from the back of a Luton fan on the way to Millwall in 78)
From the thick fog of dementia my father was asking why he couldn't go home, where we were taking him and telling us he'd never been to the care home, despite us picking him up from there a few hours earlier, and having done so on Saturday.
Right now it is the best place for him, but the guilt I felt hearing those words.
On way home saw Leif filling his car. Today I hope to see a Leif inspired win walking distance from home. COYB |  |
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| Don't leave me here! on 09:16 - Dec 26 with 976 views | DBaldy |
My father in law is in the relatively early stages of dementia, saw him yesterday and it's sad to see how he's deteriorated since I last saw him in the summer.
It's tough for my wife and her siblings, so I don't envy you at all. Hope you're able to make the best of what time you have left with him. |  | | |
| Don't leave me here! on 09:21 - Dec 26 with 949 views | Meadowlark |
Sorry to hear that mate. I'm on the road to Millwall. Trust a resounding win today will help lift your spirits!
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| Don't leave me here! on 09:49 - Dec 26 with 785 views | Churchman |
It’s so tough. Everyone who has been through that type of situation knows that and will empathise.
With regard to guilt, you always have to go back to the question ‘are we doing what we think is the right thing; are we doing our best?’ In a situation where there are no good outcomes. If the answer is yes, then that’s enough. You can do no more.
It won’t stop you feeling the way you do, but it will enable you to ‘place it’ or better words might be accept it. It did me. |  | | |
| Don't leave me here! on 12:32 - Dec 26 with 394 views | brazil1982 |
Feel for you. My mother asks my father every day to go home and packs her bags. Of course, she is home but doesn't recognise it. A very cruel disease. |  | | |
| Don't leave me here! on 12:34 - Dec 26 with 388 views | cressi |
It's hard all round and you cannot help feeling guilt ,but think of your sister who probably desperately needs respite and if she has him back after a couple of days will feel she never had a break. I had my dad parkinsons and alzheimers god it was difficult he fell and ended up in a home its horrible feeling of guilt when he passed a party sense of relief as you want the person you once knew back. | | | |
| Don't leave me here! on 12:41 - Dec 26 with 338 views | J2BLUE |
Very sorry to hear this and can sympathise. A couple of years ago just before Christmas we visited by grandad in a care home and he didn't understand why he couldn't come with us when we left. That broke me.
All the best to you, him and your family. |  |
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| Don't leave me here! on 12:47 - Dec 26 with 305 views | Swansea_Blue |
Heartbreaking Pendejo. I went through a bit similar when I ended up being the sole looker-after-er for my Gran. It was a bit of blessing when she was completely unaware of what was going on, although that's obviously not a good place to be either.
All the best to you and yours. |  |
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| Don't leave me here! on 13:16 - Dec 26 with 212 views | eirannach_gorm |
The need to go home must be hardwired into the central part of the brain. My mother in law got dementia and as her brain function deteriorated her need to be at home became increasingly more important. She lived in a granny flat beside her daughter and if she was in her daughters house and it started to get dark she would say, " I'll go home now ". She would even do this if she was already in her flat. It nearly killed my wife as she was taking care of her mother and working nights. Saddest thing was she didn't recognise that the person minding her was her daughter(s). There is very little you can do to alleviate the effects of this dreadfully disease so don't beat yourself up about having him in a care home, at least he is safe there. | | | |
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| Don't leave me here! on 14:16 - Dec 26 with 42 views | jontysnut |
We've just had to put 98 year old father in law into a care home. He can't understand why he can't be at home, but his wife can't cope with him now as he's prone to falls and getting stuck in the bath/shower and has vivid dreams where he gets up in the night. It was tough doing it the week before Christmas but safest option for both of them. |  | | |
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