| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. 23:24 - Dec 16 with 1771 views | redrickstuhaart |
Wife's Mother very (maybe fatally) unwell. She has gone over to be there, and support her Dad. That involves a plane and crossing water (yes I'm being coy about details / locations).
She has just said she probably wont be back for xmas. Leaving me to try to make a great xmas for a 14 and 16 year old, in odd circumstances, without the usual dynamic.
May have to resort to games or films etc. Any suggestions for games that cool teenagers will eventually enjoy and get laughing over? |  | | |  |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 23:47 - Dec 16 with 1697 views | patrickswell |
Just want to wish you and your wife’s family all the best with this. My wife and I had to spend two months apart at the start of 2022 so that she could support her parents through similar health issues. We don’t have children, but I know what enforced separation is like.
Happily, her parents came through the issues and I got to see the very early days of McKenna’s time here- to use up some of the weekends before we were reunited. |  | | |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 09:00 - Dec 17 with 1431 views | LRB84UK |
Is there a Nintendo switch in the house? If so there's a new Mario game out which can be multi player, those always work well in our family.
Pictionary is another favourite in our house, espically as none of us can draw.
Would you still have childhood games in the loft, hungry hippos, guess who etc? Sometimes a bit of childhood reminiscing goes down well.
There's always festive quizzes on the telly, those can pass an hour, the 1% club always causes light hearted arguments and laughter in our house. | | | |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 09:19 - Dec 17 with 1402 views | EdwardStone |
Sorry to hear about your circumstances and all the best wishes
How about a few days out oveer the festive season
One of my faves is a bracing walk along the coast somewhere and then a meal out
Assuming you are somewhere near Ipswich, maybe Walton on the Naze.....brisk walk and then pie and mash lunch in a venerable institution
https://whitespieandmash.co.uk/
Or Pin Mill with lunch at the famout Butt and Oyster |  | | |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 09:25 - Dec 17 with 1389 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
As a youth worker in a former life, I would say that the most helpful way you can approach this is to hold a family discussion and ask them, and plan stuff together.
They may want as close to normal as possible.
Or they may suggest or embrace doing something completely different.
Without knowing your location it is hard to give actual suggestions. And can you throw money at it, or do you need to be careful?
The key is allowing them to brainstorm ideas, but also having enough suggestions to spark their creativity.
I would say the following exercise would work:
Get a big piece of paper and lots of coloured felt tip pens.
Ask the following questions:
"Write down 4 foods that you love"
"Write down places within 50 miles of here that you want to go to during the Christmas break"
"Who do you most want to see and spend time with during this break?"
They will almost certainly say "Mum" so acknowledge that and make blocking out time to Zoom/Facetime her the first thing you do on the next stage. They may also name specific friends. If so maybe try and plan eg a cinema trip for each of them with their friends, while you do something else with the other one.
Then try and plan a way to fit in as many of the suggestions as possible into a grid of morning, afternoon and evening for each of the days of the break you will be together.
If you try and create "perfect normal Christmas" on your own, it is likely to be a very stressful experience. If you get them involved, and you follow their suggestions, you can't be blamed.
Get them to agree that they will help with the cooking. And let each person choose the kitchen soundtrack in turn, meal by meal.
Finally, loads of Indian restaurants are open on Christmas Day. If your kids would love that, it's not a parenting fail to choose that option! | | | |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 11:01 - Dec 17 with 1294 views | Whos_blue |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 09:25 - Dec 17 by ArnoldMoorhen |
As a youth worker in a former life, I would say that the most helpful way you can approach this is to hold a family discussion and ask them, and plan stuff together.
They may want as close to normal as possible.
Or they may suggest or embrace doing something completely different.
Without knowing your location it is hard to give actual suggestions. And can you throw money at it, or do you need to be careful?
The key is allowing them to brainstorm ideas, but also having enough suggestions to spark their creativity.
I would say the following exercise would work:
Get a big piece of paper and lots of coloured felt tip pens.
Ask the following questions:
"Write down 4 foods that you love"
"Write down places within 50 miles of here that you want to go to during the Christmas break"
"Who do you most want to see and spend time with during this break?"
They will almost certainly say "Mum" so acknowledge that and make blocking out time to Zoom/Facetime her the first thing you do on the next stage. They may also name specific friends. If so maybe try and plan eg a cinema trip for each of them with their friends, while you do something else with the other one.
Then try and plan a way to fit in as many of the suggestions as possible into a grid of morning, afternoon and evening for each of the days of the break you will be together.
If you try and create "perfect normal Christmas" on your own, it is likely to be a very stressful experience. If you get them involved, and you follow their suggestions, you can't be blamed.
Get them to agree that they will help with the cooking. And let each person choose the kitchen soundtrack in turn, meal by meal.
Finally, loads of Indian restaurants are open on Christmas Day. If your kids would love that, it's not a parenting fail to choose that option! |
Superb post.
Very supportive.
 |  |
| Distortion becomes somehow pure in its wildness. |
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| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 11:22 - Dec 17 with 1269 views | giant_stow |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 11:01 - Dec 17 by Whos_blue |
Superb post.
Very supportive.
|
He's great at this sort of post _ helped me before too.
Op: I'm not great at such posts, but just wish you all the best and who knows, maybe in an odd way, you and the nippers may find a silver lining out of the situation. |  |
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| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 11:27 - Dec 17 with 1234 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Herd Mentality
The Kazoo game
Uno
Dobble
....and The Nativity film according to my cool teenager. |  |
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| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 15:39 - Dec 17 with 1099 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 11:22 - Dec 17 by giant_stow |
He's great at this sort of post _ helped me before too.
Op: I'm not great at such posts, but just wish you all the best and who knows, maybe in an odd way, you and the nippers may find a silver lining out of the situation. |
Thank you- and you are "one of them" who even Ipswich fans can wish a Happy Christmas to and mean it! | | | |
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| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 15:39 - Dec 17 with 1097 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 11:01 - Dec 17 by Whos_blue |
Superb post.
Very supportive.
|
Thank you- kind of you to say so! | | | |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 15:50 - Dec 17 with 1080 views | giant_stow |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 15:39 - Dec 17 by ArnoldMoorhen |
Thank you- and you are "one of them" who even Ipswich fans can wish a Happy Christmas to and mean it! |
likewise mr! | |
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| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 16:01 - Dec 17 with 1059 views | Nthsuffolkblue |
Aside from what Moorhen has already said, you know what you and your family enjoy. Acknowledging the reality that things will be different and accepting that not only will your wife's absence be affecting you but them, they will be worried about their grandma probably more than you will yourself. Don't be afraid to express and talk about feelings and listen as well. Don't feel that anyone has to talk about it if they don't want to, though. |  |
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| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 16:18 - Dec 17 with 1031 views | redrickstuhaart |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 16:01 - Dec 17 by Nthsuffolkblue |
Aside from what Moorhen has already said, you know what you and your family enjoy. Acknowledging the reality that things will be different and accepting that not only will your wife's absence be affecting you but them, they will be worried about their grandma probably more than you will yourself. Don't be afraid to express and talk about feelings and listen as well. Don't feel that anyone has to talk about it if they don't want to, though. |
Thanks for comments folks. | | | |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 00:10 - Dec 18 with 869 views | IPS_wich |
Had a similar situation a few years ago when my wife had to head back to the UK to be with her Dad during his final days. She was away for 4 weeks and missed one of our kid's birthdays.
My main advice is to not try and recreate the normal routine because the normal routine has always involved your wife.
If your kids are 14 and 16 then they probably are relatively happy doing their own thing and the need to do the normal routine is probably more for you than it is for them...and the sad reality is (speaking as a parent of 17 and 14 year olds), they would probably prefer to spend time with their friends than their parents. So maybe suggest on Boxing Day or the 27th that they each have a friend around.
But as the other poster said - ask them what they want to do - they are definitely of an age where they will have a valid opinion. Maybe this a chance to let them do something more grown up than you would normally do - as a treat, but with your wife's sanction so you are not being seen as 'fun dad whilst mum is away'. Maybe stay up late, watch a slightly more grown-up movie than you would normally be happy to watch with them (Die Hard would be ideal if they haven't seen it), let them have 1-2 beers/ciders if that's what they would like.
Once your wife is back then you can always do a delayed Christmas - maybe not a full day, but you could cook a turkey and hand out some small gifts. | | | |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 06:03 - Dec 18 with 784 views | Mookamoo |
| Okay- a weird one here. Might have a very odd 1 parent xmas. on 00:10 - Dec 18 by IPS_wich |
Had a similar situation a few years ago when my wife had to head back to the UK to be with her Dad during his final days. She was away for 4 weeks and missed one of our kid's birthdays.
My main advice is to not try and recreate the normal routine because the normal routine has always involved your wife.
If your kids are 14 and 16 then they probably are relatively happy doing their own thing and the need to do the normal routine is probably more for you than it is for them...and the sad reality is (speaking as a parent of 17 and 14 year olds), they would probably prefer to spend time with their friends than their parents. So maybe suggest on Boxing Day or the 27th that they each have a friend around.
But as the other poster said - ask them what they want to do - they are definitely of an age where they will have a valid opinion. Maybe this a chance to let them do something more grown up than you would normally do - as a treat, but with your wife's sanction so you are not being seen as 'fun dad whilst mum is away'. Maybe stay up late, watch a slightly more grown-up movie than you would normally be happy to watch with them (Die Hard would be ideal if they haven't seen it), let them have 1-2 beers/ciders if that's what they would like.
Once your wife is back then you can always do a delayed Christmas - maybe not a full day, but you could cook a turkey and hand out some small gifts. |
That covid year Boris that stole Christmas we did Christmas day in July when we could all get together.
We were all on holiday at the time in a stone cottage in the Lakes, so it felt quite festive. We had kept all the bits we could use, like crackers, Christmas pud etc and did the full day. Christmas breakfast, small gifts (chocolates, socks etc), jumpers, full christmas dinner with all the trimmings, walk followed by Christmas films and games. It was probably the best Christmas day I've had.
Most christians accept the 25th has nothing to do with the birth of christ anyway. |  | | |
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