| Anyone want to hear a joke? 17:38 - May 15 with 1459 views | MattinLondon |
Knock knock
Whose there?
The interrupting cow.
The interrupting cow wh……
Mooooooooooooo
*The interrupting cow interrupted…I’ll get my coat. |  | | |  |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 17:43 - May 15 with 1397 views | Cheltenham_Blue |
Don’t worry about your coat, your mum will get it.
When is your 10th birthday again? |  |
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 17:46 - May 15 with 1361 views | hoppy |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 17:43 - May 15 by Cheltenham_Blue |
Don’t worry about your coat, your mum will get it.
When is your 10th birthday again? |
I remember my daughter saying that one when she was something like 6… or 7… |  |
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 17:55 - May 15 with 1326 views | OldFart71 |
A piece of tarmac goes into a pub, sits at the bar and orders a drink. He's sitting there when a red piece of tarmac walks in, orders a drink and takes it to a table.
The barman says to the first piece of tarmac " Why don't you go over and sit with your mate" Nah came the reply " He's a cycle path". |  | | |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 17:56 - May 15 with 1304 views | SitfcB |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 17:46 - May 15 by hoppy |
I remember my daughter saying that one when she was something like 6… or 7… |
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 18:40 - May 15 with 1207 views | MattinLondon |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 17:43 - May 15 by Cheltenham_Blue |
Don’t worry about your coat, your mum will get it.
When is your 10th birthday again? |
Next week - my party is going to be immense. | | | |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? Bad jokes you say... on 22:01 - May 15 with 1024 views | RIPbobby |
Two men are in a pub...
“I want to kill my wife”, says one. “Why not ask Arti, over there”, says the other man, pointing to a man at the fruit-machine. “Arti over there is a top hitman” the friend goes on. So the man approaches Arti. “Are you Arti the hitman?” asks the man. “Sure am”, replies Arti. “You couldn’t murder my wife for me, could you?” asks the man. “I can”, replies Arti, “And you know, I promised my Master, who taught me the noble art of assassination, that I would do my one hundredth kill for a fee of just one pound, and give the client two further kills for free”. “Great”, says the man”could you kill my wife, her sister and my mother in law”. “OK”, replies Arti. “Get them to go to Tesco’s tomorrow at 10.00am”. “Right”, says the man. The following day the man’s wife, her sister and his mother-in-law are tricked by the man to go to Tesco’s. In walks Arti and in no time at all he strangles the wife, her sister and mother-in-law. All the newspapers lead with the same headline the following day – Arti chokes three for a pound at Tesco’s. |  | | |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 22:09 - May 15 with 999 views | FoghornGleghorn |
Went to the doctor the other day. They said "Mr. Gleghorn, I'm afraid it's not good news, your DNA is back-to-front." I said ".....and....?" | | | |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 22:10 - May 15 with 996 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
What do you call a mule covered in porridge?
Don Quixote |  |
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 22:39 - May 15 with 939 views | Nthsuffolkblue |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 22:10 - May 15 by Hugoagogo_Reborn |
What do you call a mule covered in porridge?
Don Quixote |
I had to read that one out loud several times before I got it! |  |
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 22:42 - May 15 with 937 views | DropCliffsNotBombs |
My fav joke, but sadder today.
Conor Chaplin walks into a bar and spots an attractive lady sitting alone. He walks up to her and winks, saying 'Get your coat luv, you've pulled.'
'Blimey', she said. 'You're a little forward'. |  | | |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? Bad jokes you say... on 23:01 - May 15 with 894 views | Nthsuffolkblue |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? Bad jokes you say... on 22:01 - May 15 by RIPbobby |
Two men are in a pub...
“I want to kill my wife”, says one. “Why not ask Arti, over there”, says the other man, pointing to a man at the fruit-machine. “Arti over there is a top hitman” the friend goes on. So the man approaches Arti. “Are you Arti the hitman?” asks the man. “Sure am”, replies Arti. “You couldn’t murder my wife for me, could you?” asks the man. “I can”, replies Arti, “And you know, I promised my Master, who taught me the noble art of assassination, that I would do my one hundredth kill for a fee of just one pound, and give the client two further kills for free”. “Great”, says the man”could you kill my wife, her sister and my mother in law”. “OK”, replies Arti. “Get them to go to Tesco’s tomorrow at 10.00am”. “Right”, says the man. The following day the man’s wife, her sister and his mother-in-law are tricked by the man to go to Tesco’s. In walks Arti and in no time at all he strangles the wife, her sister and mother-in-law. All the newspapers lead with the same headline the following day – Arti chokes three for a pound at Tesco’s. |
One of my Dad's old jokes:
Old Sid was famous for saying "It could have been worser." One day Sid's drinking buddies decided to get one over him and make sure he had nothing to say. They knew Fred and Billy weren't going to make it down the pub that night so the rest of them planned it out and then walked in together and saw Sid.
"You'll never guess what!" they said to Sid. "Fred's dead! Billy's shot him!"
Sid looks at them shocked as they carry on: "Billy came home early from work today and there was Fred in bed with Billy's missus and he was so mad he grabbed his shotgun and BANG! shot poor old Fred dead!"
Sid turned and supped on his pint before replying "Oh, well, that could've been worser!"
"Could've been worser? What? You're kidding! Fred's dead! And Billy's been arrested for murder! How could that have been worser? What do you mean? No way could that have been worser!"
Sid sups his pint again before looking at his mates "well, you see, if Billy had come home early yesterday it wouldn't have been Fred who's dead would it? It would've been me!"
I suspect it wasn't original to my Dad. [Post edited 15 May 23:03]
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 23:36 - May 15 with 827 views | FoghornGleghorn |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 22:42 - May 15 by DropCliffsNotBombs |
My fav joke, but sadder today.
Conor Chaplin walks into a bar and spots an attractive lady sitting alone. He walks up to her and winks, saying 'Get your coat luv, you've pulled.'
'Blimey', she said. 'You're a little forward'. |
Too soon, mate.
Too soon.  | | | |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 08:06 - May 16 with 664 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 22:39 - May 15 by Nthsuffolkblue |
I had to read that one out loud several times before I got it! |
I made that one up myself and was testing it out. Works better spoken rather than written!  | |
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 08:46 - May 16 with 599 views | WeWereZombies |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 08:06 - May 16 by Hugoagogo_Reborn |
I made that one up myself and was testing it out. Works better spoken rather than written! |
Cover the mule in instant porridge next time. |  |
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 08:49 - May 16 with 593 views | noggin |
| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 17:55 - May 15 by OldFart71 |
A piece of tarmac goes into a pub, sits at the bar and orders a drink. He's sitting there when a red piece of tarmac walks in, orders a drink and takes it to a table.
The barman says to the first piece of tarmac " Why don't you go over and sit with your mate" Nah came the reply " He's a cycle path". |
A roman centurion walks in to a bar, gives the barman the Vs and says "5 beers please" |  |
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| Anyone want to hear a joke? on 10:06 - May 16 with 505 views | OldFart71 |
A woman goes to the doctors as she is having trouble getting pregnant.
The doctor checks her out and says if her or her husband calls in to the surgery in a day or two he will have the results.
A few days later the husband calls in to see the doctor.
The doctor explains " Your wife has a sophisticated c?nt and if she has a baby it will be a miracle"
The man goes home and the wife asks "What did the doctor say" Her husband says the doctor said " You have a fish stuck up your c?nt and if you have a baby it will be a mackerel" | | | |
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