| Advice/Hive mind stuff 21:42 - Oct 24 with 1078 views | Mullet |
I've just come home from a lovely night out to some rather upsetting news. A mate of mine just emailed me to tell me a friend of ours lost his Mrs about a month ago to suicide.
He's a bit sketchy on details in the email, other than she's passed and he's spoken to our mate briefly.
They're much closer friends as they did the same course, but from uni onwards we've all been away together loads, got drunk loads and the rest of it. The years have just got in the way and the few hours of motorway since I last spoke to him.
Apart from now feeling incredibly guilty we've dropped in and out of group emails and the like, wtf do I say to him? I met his Mrs a handful of times, stayed at their house and that but obviously I've no idea how the intervening years have lead to this, nor is it much use speculating now I guess.
Anyone got any advice on picking the right things to say/do? |  |
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| Advice/Hive mind stuff on 21:52 - Oct 24 with 981 views | J2BLUE |
No advice to be honest but really sorry to hear that.
My mum lost a friend to suicide about a year ago. Horrible. |  |
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| Advice/Hive mind stuff on 21:58 - Oct 24 with 949 views | itfcjoe |
Just do what you think is right, drop him a message and say what you think is right thing to say which will be totally dependent on relationship you guys have.
There's nothing you can say which will definitely work and vice versa, trust your gut, confront it head on and be there for him. |  |
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| Advice/Hive mind stuff on 00:17 - Oct 25 with 748 views | factual_blue |
I can only speak about how I felt after the deaths of my parents. I took comfort from those who wanted to talk about them, and how they remembered them. Those who 'were sorry' for my loss might as well not have bothered.
So perhaps just share any memories (good ones, obviously) you have of of the two of them together in good times.
And just be thoughtful and make it clear that you're willing to listen if he wants to talk. |  |
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| Advice/Hive mind stuff on 00:29 - Oct 25 with 733 views | BlueBadger |
| Advice/Hive mind stuff on 00:17 - Oct 25 by factual_blue |
I can only speak about how I felt after the deaths of my parents. I took comfort from those who wanted to talk about them, and how they remembered them. Those who 'were sorry' for my loss might as well not have bothered.
So perhaps just share any memories (good ones, obviously) you have of of the two of them together in good times.
And just be thoughtful and make it clear that you're willing to listen if he wants to talk. |
I can only echo what Facters says here. My last living grandparent died 6 years ago. My paternal grandfather was a character but not necessarily an easy man at times. After his passing we observed the rituals and they felt like just that - rituals. Day after the funeral, myself and a couple of older cousins from Yorkshire went to the pub before we all went our seprate ways again - both cousins has, at various times had difficult relations with their own families but grandad had insisted they come and live with them, offered some structure to their lives and gotten them started in the building trade through his local connections and had, in his way, been a better dad to them than their own dads had.
We then followed on with sharing some tales of his adventures through the years, both from our own experiences and those of the old(and not so old) boys drinking in the pub.
A lot of this was new information to me and shed a new light on him and brough me some peace and comfort that I was struggling before.
Memories are good. |  |
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| Advice/Hive mind stuff on 05:10 - Oct 25 with 620 views | Kropotkin123 |
My sister's friend commited suicide during lockdown.
People don't always reach out or wish to reach out to those who are closest to them in these situations. So don't let that be a barrier to communication. You may well find you fill a void that others might be too close to take on in the same way. Eg, their own personal grief and suffering around the situation.
There really aren't a lot of good things you can say. But listening is underrated. Give him a call, offer to get down there, if you can make the journey and let them know you are there when they need you. But only say what you can deliver on.
Best wishes with it. |  |
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| Advice/Hive mind stuff on 06:06 - Oct 25 with 587 views | dickie |
| Advice/Hive mind stuff on 05:10 - Oct 25 by Kropotkin123 |
My sister's friend commited suicide during lockdown.
People don't always reach out or wish to reach out to those who are closest to them in these situations. So don't let that be a barrier to communication. You may well find you fill a void that others might be too close to take on in the same way. Eg, their own personal grief and suffering around the situation.
There really aren't a lot of good things you can say. But listening is underrated. Give him a call, offer to get down there, if you can make the journey and let them know you are there when they need you. But only say what you can deliver on.
Best wishes with it. |
Definitely agree with this, after my Mum died most people just avoided the subject with me which made things far worse.
I would just be messaging to say that you'd heard what had happened and that you can't even begin to understand what he's going through but that you're there for him if he needs to talk or meet up for some time out of the house etc |  | | |
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