| Crimbo disasters 15:50 - Dec 21 with 3371 views | bluelagos |
My favourite was a bloke in the pub on Xmas eve drowning his sorrows. He'd been on an errand - to pick up the specially ordered Turkey from the shop and had decided to have a couple of pints.
He left it to the last minute but got to the butchers and picked it up and made his way home. It was now pouring with rain so he decided to run home and ran across a road in front of some traffic.
Unfortunately the carrier bag split and the Turkey fell out and was run over by a passing car...
Hence why he was drowning his sorrows, too late to get anything else and knowing his Mrs was going to go mental when he turned up without the Turkey.
What you got people? |  |
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| Crimbo disasters on 16:05 - Dec 21 with 3297 views | BlueBadger |
Only really sad stories, I'm afraid, so I won't share any.
I'm on the first of three nights leading up to Christmas now. Guaranteed I will see something heartbreakingly awful one of these nights. [Post edited 21 Dec 2023 16:10]
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| Crimbo disasters on 17:38 - Dec 21 with 3125 views | Plums |
I heard one on the radio the other day.
A family forgot to defrost the turkey. Amongst all the anguish, the younger brother took it upon himself to douse it in de-icer to help out. Once this was discovered, his sister ended up getting in the shower with the turkey to wash it all off.
They cooked it, ate it and are apparently all still alive to tell the tale. |  |
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| Crimbo disasters on 17:48 - Dec 21 with 3085 views | bluelagos |
| Crimbo disasters on 17:38 - Dec 21 by Plums |
I heard one on the radio the other day.
A family forgot to defrost the turkey. Amongst all the anguish, the younger brother took it upon himself to douse it in de-icer to help out. Once this was discovered, his sister ended up getting in the shower with the turkey to wash it all off.
They cooked it, ate it and are apparently all still alive to tell the tale. |
That makes my application of the "5 second rule" sound pretty tame tbf | |
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| Crimbo disasters on 17:53 - Dec 21 with 3070 views | Keno |
| Crimbo disasters on 17:48 - Dec 21 by bluelagos |
That makes my application of the "5 second rule" sound pretty tame tbf |
You spend 5 seconds in the shower? |  |
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| Crimbo disasters on 00:03 - Dec 22 with 2802 views | Churchman |
Many years ago my dad decided on a ‘real Turkey’ experience. Off we went to a Turkey farm. Ok said the farmer after a few coins changed hands. He promptly grabbed one, took it round the back and wrung its neck. I was about 12 at the time. Bad dreams followed.
Still twitching he handed it over and my dad with grinning farmer’s help plonked it in the boot. We arrived home with the corpse and I asked my dad if he’d ever done anything like this before. ‘How hard can it be?’ Was the reply. Famous last words.
He set about it in the garage. He’d never plucked anything in his life. Not a clue. Skin, lumps of flesh everywhere. It looked liked a pack of hyenas had been at it. Then came gutting it. Omg, the mess, the stench. It was a real horror show and by the end not only did it look like the hyenas had had a go, but it also looked like had been run over a few times and fired at with a shotgun. What a mess.
Still, he slapped the sorry remains into a sort of Turkey shape and handed it in a tray to my horror struck mum with a ‘ta daaa!’
Well, she cooked it - and it was the worst Turkey we ever had. Tough as old boots, dry, ghastly. M&S etc were suppliers from then on! My mother threatened to insert a carving knife where such things didn't belong if he ever tried a dopey stunt like that again. [Post edited 22 Dec 2023 0:05]
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| Crimbo disasters on 03:45 - Dec 22 with 2712 views | BigCommon |
Quick one about a mate.. Him and his Mrs moved into a new house, long before they had any kids and were just going to do the quiet one by themselves over Christmas... Anyway, their new next door neighbours, another young couple, invited them round for Christmas dinner.. For some reason, they gave my mate, the honor of carving the Turkey..
In his words
"it was a bit greasy, like a massive bar of soap, and it wasn't my fault if it skidded across the table and landed on the floor"
This happened a good few years ago. But we still get a laugh out of it when we meet up for a Christmas pint. |  | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 06:12 - Dec 22 with 2642 views | IPS_wich |
About 12 years ago we picked up our fresh and properly basted M&S Turkey at about 11am on Christmas Eve (proper middle class effort queuing with all the oldies for our allotted collection time). We got it home and it was too big for the fridge!! So I reasoned it was already cold and if I turned the radiator off in the kitchen that we could keep it good in the oven.
All was going well - except I didn’t tell my wife and before she went upstairs to read the kids a bedtime story she turned the oven on so it would pre-heat up to cook our Christmas Eve dinner.
Anyway, the kids were 6/3 years old and super excited about Christmas so the bedtime story took almost an hour. She goes to put the pizza in the oven only to discover a still in plastic wrap part cooked M&S turkey!!
We ended up taking it out of the plastic and fully cooking it that evening - so at 11pm Christmas Eve my wife is wrapping the last presents and I’m carving turkey so we can fit it into the fridge. |  | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 06:42 - Dec 22 with 2613 views | gtsb1966 |
For the use of the word Crimbo you should be banned until after CHRISTMAS. |  | | |
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| Crimbo disasters on 06:42 - Dec 22 with 2608 views | bluelagos |
| Crimbo disasters on 17:53 - Dec 21 by Keno |
You spend 5 seconds in the shower? |
Got to watch the heating and water bills Keno 🙄 | |
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| Crimbo disasters on 07:08 - Dec 22 with 2537 views | BlueNomad |
| Crimbo disasters on 16:05 - Dec 21 by BlueBadger |
Only really sad stories, I'm afraid, so I won't share any.
I'm on the first of three nights leading up to Christmas now. Guaranteed I will see something heartbreakingly awful one of these nights. [Post edited 21 Dec 2023 16:10]
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Thinking of you mate. I served in the blue light services, amidst the good spirits Christmas always throws up some horrific things.
Thank you and good luck. |  | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 07:12 - Dec 22 with 2527 views | BlueNomad |
I was told about a domestic police attended one late afternoon on Christmas Day. The lady of the house told officers that there had been a huge row between father and son over who had the best bit of turkey which resulted in plates being thrown, food running down the dining room wall etc.
The son was a vicar............................... | | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 08:23 - Dec 22 with 2421 views | DarkBrandon |
Someone (maybe Danny Baker?) told the story of some guy coming back from the pub with a couple of mates late on Xmas eve and deciding to unwrap and play with the scalextric set they’d bought his son.
Apparently his misses was none too pleased. |  | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 12:16 - Dec 22 with 2247 views | solemio |
| Crimbo disasters on 08:23 - Dec 22 by DarkBrandon |
Someone (maybe Danny Baker?) told the story of some guy coming back from the pub with a couple of mates late on Xmas eve and deciding to unwrap and play with the scalextric set they’d bought his son.
Apparently his misses was none too pleased. |
Did his missus know he'd missed? | | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 12:23 - Dec 22 with 2211 views | _clive_baker_ |
Not a Christmas one but an Easter story.
My mother had tasked my dad with setting up an Easter egg hunt in the garden for Easter Sunday for me and my sister when we were little. Time got away from my dad the day before and he had arranged to go to the pub with some friends. Turned into an all day session meaning he got home in the early hours and set about setting up the egg hunt.
Only issue was he woke up the following day with no recollection as to where he had put most of them. Along with my sister I searched high and low, found a few, but my mum was adamant there were a few more out there. My dad couldn’t confirm this and they never did get found.
Some months later my dad came in the house with one he had found on the roof of the garden shed, god knows how many others are still hiding in that garden somewhere. Either that or he ate them. |  | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 15:41 - Dec 22 with 2015 views | OldFart71 |
| Crimbo disasters on 00:03 - Dec 22 by Churchman |
Many years ago my dad decided on a ‘real Turkey’ experience. Off we went to a Turkey farm. Ok said the farmer after a few coins changed hands. He promptly grabbed one, took it round the back and wrung its neck. I was about 12 at the time. Bad dreams followed.
Still twitching he handed it over and my dad with grinning farmer’s help plonked it in the boot. We arrived home with the corpse and I asked my dad if he’d ever done anything like this before. ‘How hard can it be?’ Was the reply. Famous last words.
He set about it in the garage. He’d never plucked anything in his life. Not a clue. Skin, lumps of flesh everywhere. It looked liked a pack of hyenas had been at it. Then came gutting it. Omg, the mess, the stench. It was a real horror show and by the end not only did it look like the hyenas had had a go, but it also looked like had been run over a few times and fired at with a shotgun. What a mess.
Still, he slapped the sorry remains into a sort of Turkey shape and handed it in a tray to my horror struck mum with a ‘ta daaa!’
Well, she cooked it - and it was the worst Turkey we ever had. Tough as old boots, dry, ghastly. M&S etc were suppliers from then on! My mother threatened to insert a carving knife where such things didn't belong if he ever tried a dopey stunt like that again. [Post edited 22 Dec 2023 0:05]
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My dear old Dad, rest his soul, used to go onto a local farm coming up to Christmas as they hired local people to pluck the turkeys. He would also get one, probably discounted and mum used to do all the gutting and preparation and make her own sage and onion stuffing. | | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 15:51 - Dec 22 with 1978 views | MJallday |
I’m pretty sure I’ve been written out of my grandmothers will for a stunt I pulled a few years ago.
Picture the scene - Christmas morn, in a snowy east Anglia, presents opened, staying with my grandparents and parents in their family home. The loving music in the background and smell of roast turkey wafting through the air.
“Hey I could do with a Christmas pint in the local” said I
“Be back by 1pm” I was told.
Well true to my word, I was back by 1pm. Unfortunately I’d consumed a bottle of aftershock and 4pints of IPA in the 1.5 hours that the pub had been open.
It was at the point that I’d fallen face first into the Christmas dinner my grandmother had lovingly prepared that things started to go badly
The next thing I remember is waking up about 9pm that evening dressed as a Christmas tree (my parents thought it was more hilarious to decorate me whilst unconscious rather than to see if I was ok) and my grandmother yelling at me for spoiling dinner.
My headache lasted 2 days |  |
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| Crimbo disasters on 16:35 - Dec 22 with 1905 views | ronnyd |
| Crimbo disasters on 15:41 - Dec 22 by OldFart71 |
My dear old Dad, rest his soul, used to go onto a local farm coming up to Christmas as they hired local people to pluck the turkeys. He would also get one, probably discounted and mum used to do all the gutting and preparation and make her own sage and onion stuffing. |
Always remember my uncle (who was a butcher), coming round to sort out the turkey after Mum had plucked it. He always used to get the leaders ( the sinewy tendons) out of the legs by hanging it over the kitchen boor and yanking them out.
Sure as hell couldn't do that on modern internal doors. | | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 17:46 - Dec 22 with 1820 views | TresBonne |
I knew a bloke who lived out in Spain, with a Spanish wife.
Anyway, there is a 'Spanish Christmas Lottery' which can be quite a big thing for families out there, part of Christmas, similar to how we might do scratch cards etc.
His wife had entered the same numbers for 20 years, ever since she was eligible to do it age restriction wise. Never even got close.
Anyway, one year, she instructed him to enter her numbers for her while she was busy at work. He forgot, and the rest is history (you can see where this is going...)
Every single one of her numbers came up, the same ones she'd been entering for twenty odd years. But he had forgotten. So they missed out on 17 million euro or something like that.
The woman had to take three weeks off work for stress, and I don't blame her one bit. He is probably, to this day, sleeping on the sofa. [Post edited 22 Dec 2023 17:47]
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| Crimbo disasters on 18:33 - Dec 22 with 1765 views | _clive_baker_ |
| Crimbo disasters on 17:46 - Dec 22 by TresBonne |
I knew a bloke who lived out in Spain, with a Spanish wife.
Anyway, there is a 'Spanish Christmas Lottery' which can be quite a big thing for families out there, part of Christmas, similar to how we might do scratch cards etc.
His wife had entered the same numbers for 20 years, ever since she was eligible to do it age restriction wise. Never even got close.
Anyway, one year, she instructed him to enter her numbers for her while she was busy at work. He forgot, and the rest is history (you can see where this is going...)
Every single one of her numbers came up, the same ones she'd been entering for twenty odd years. But he had forgotten. So they missed out on 17 million euro or something like that.
The woman had to take three weeks off work for stress, and I don't blame her one bit. He is probably, to this day, sleeping on the sofa. [Post edited 22 Dec 2023 17:47]
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Todo sucede por una razón | | | |
| Crimbo disasters on 19:44 - Dec 22 with 1700 views | heavyweight |
My sister and her husband couldn't work out why the brandy poured over the Christmas pudding would not light. Eventually their 14 year old son had to admit he'd been secretly drinking the brandy and then watering it down. | | | |
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